So FUCKING done, now even taking sleep from me

[sinclair_silence]

Can't even have a fucking dinner in peace without getting absolutely wrecked now, attacked from all sides in the sight of such disturbing couples, and absolutely losing my mind. It is not solely general, there is rationale to it—often it is seeing some particular racial combination, or in some less often cases (as tonight), seeing specific people that I have known from times prior. Gone back to my room after and cut myself, I have so much work that needed to be done, I have done some of it, though surely without as much attention as might have otherwise been given. Now, as I will need to stay up later to accomplish it, we can see that these people are causing the decline, moreover losing sleep also by extension of that line of reasoning. How I even exist at this fucking school is beyond my understanding. Hahahahahahahaha, if anyone knew I had acct here, then they would see me for the fucked up psycho bastard I am. Can't believe I finally ended up here, but hello friends, and I'm glad the site exists.

 

[Lawrence]

if anyone knew I had acct here, then they would see me for the fucked up psycho bastard I am

-
There's a lot of fucked-up psycho bastards in this world, but most of them keep it to themselves.- Takes a real man to come on out and say it!

 

[Spooky_Heejin]

Can't even have a fucking dinner in peace without getting absolutely wrecked now, attacked from all sides in the sight of such disturbing couples, and absolutely losing my mind. It is not solely general, there is rationale to it—often it is seeing some particular racial combination, or in some less often cases (as tonight), seeing specific people that I have known from times prior. Gone back to my room after and cut myself, I have so much work that needed to be done, I have done some of it, though surely without as much attention as might have otherwise been given. Now, as I will need to stay up later to accomplish it, we can see that these people are causing the decline, moreover losing sleep also by extension of that line of reasoning. How I even exist at this fucking school is beyond my understanding. Hahahahahahahaha, if anyone knew I had acct here, then they would see me for the fucked up psycho bastard I am. Can't believe I finally ended up here, but hello friends, and I'm glad the site exists.

Glad to meet you. Where and why do you cut yourself? Are you trying to flatline yourself?

 

[sinclair_silence]

-
There's a lot of fucked-up psycho bastards in this world, but most of them keep it to themselves.- Takes a real man to come on out and say it!

Glad to meet you. Where and why do you cut yourself? Are you trying to flatline yourself?

On arm/hand usually. It's just a response when my mind becomes too chaotic and I have received too many disturbing inputs. I find that it acts as a reset and I sink into an apathetic state. Only thing is to be sure to wear long-sleeves for the next few days in case someone might see the red lines. I don't know what flatline means here but the cuts are not meant to be terminal. I would go for the wrist veins if I wanted that (trust me I've done my research hahahaha)

 

[Spooky_Heejin]

On arm/hand usually. It's just a response when my mind becomes too chaotic and I have received too many disturbing inputs. I find that it acts as a reset and I sink into an apathetic state. Only thing is to be sure to wear long-sleeves for the next few days in case someone might see the red lines. I don't know what flatline means here but the cuts are not meant to be terminal. I would go for the wrist veins if I wanted that (trust me I've done my research hahahaha)

Flatline is jargain for dying. For example, the heartbeat monitor in the hospital flatlines meaning you died. And I can see why you use that as a cope. I dislike saying this except on here but I have autism, and my brain uncontrollably donkeykong fucks my skull with my fist when I get anxious. I'm glad you haven't killed yourself. What other copes do you have besides cutting yourself?

 

[sinclair_silence]

Flatline is jargain for dying. For example, the heartbeat monitor in the hospital flatlines meaning you died. And I can see why you use that as a cope. I dislike saying this except on here but I have autism, and my brain uncontrollably donkeykong fucks my skull with my fist when I get anxious. I'm glad you haven't killed yourself. What other copes do you have besides cutting yourself?

Playing high-speed chess games is the only thing that completely wipes my mind so I do that a lot. I'm addicted to it and I use it like drugs but at least I'm not on actual drugs. (On a related note, I take chemistry classes at the school I'm at and tonight while I should have been working on them I was researching about the process of synthesizing ketamine but I'm still not mentally gone enough yet to risk getting put in jail. Probably too hard of a starter drug anyway, I only know what it is because of drain gang lol.) I also use writing as a cope, and sometimes it helps me feel more empowered if I can categorize things and put names on them. Because I live in a microcosm campus of society there are some recurring couples I see a lot, so I often put names on them to keep track of them.

 

[Nikalas]

You are new here so I have to ask, how tall are you?