part time work isn't enough to survive out of, I'll have to fulltime wage-slave to merely stay alive.
Even if I could - what for?
My mom workaholic-maxxed to stave off her mental issues, and her life was worthless.
My mental + physical is rotting despite inhuman levels of discipline and effort in the past.
There's nothing for me here IMO, I LDAR and whenever I have some energy I try to funnel it towards leveraging myself versus my survival instinct.
Little things like thought experiments in bed: "If I have a button to end it all right now, painlessly and instantly, would I?"
then try to press it. (succeeded lately which is a milestone for me)
Or counting "bad memories" instead of the normie "sheep counting" meme - I was able to get to really high numbers like that.
So the plan is rope, but "no plan survives first contact with reality"
I'll see soon enough