TheNEET
mentally crippled by sleepoverless teen years
★★★★★
- Joined
- May 27, 2018
- Posts
- 12,069
I'm putting extraordinary effort into my attempt not to be a little ball of hatred, anxiety and depression. Cucks often say "oh, if no one loves you, just love yourself " but how am I realistically supposed to do that as an incel?
I've tried these gratitude journals and gratitude guided meditations and once I thank my parents for letting me live in their home and eat their food (although they get narcissistic pleasure from keeping me dependent and helpless, I wrote a thread about it before) and artists for making copes I enjoy, that's it. There's really not much I can be grateful for and thinking about it just makes me more miserable. I've read that while meditation is generally good for mental health, people with severe depression can get even worse with it and I think I'm one of these people.
>oh, I'm SO GRATEFUL that the cashier in the store didn't just outright stab me in the neck but instead just stared angrily at me and didn't respond to my "good morning" and "have a nice day" like she does with everyone else
What am I supposed to be thankful for? "I'm thankful for my body" as I sit here mustering all my strength to ignore the roar of tinnitus and agonizing sciatic pain. "I'm thankful for the air" as I hear the soft hum of my air purifier because Poland has the shittiest air in Europe. "I'm thankful for the water" as I need to purify absolutely everything. "I'm thankful for my friends" -- OOPS, I DON'T HAVE ANY.
It feels like someone in the eighth circle of hell being thankful for not being in the ninth circle. The rare good things that happen to me (I'm not talking about good interactions, these never happen, I talk about finding a fun TV show or a book) seem cruel, as if they only existed to give me barely enough hope to keep going and not kill myself, just keep suffering forever, sustained by these rare sparks of hope.
It seems like the only way to be thankful as an incel is adopting this cucked cultish mentality of "oh, I'm so terrible, I deserve death and torture but alas the world is only a little cruel to me!". I do think the world owes me good treatment -- you got me here, you should give me the bare minimum. If you invited someone to a party, prepared nothing and were mean all the time, you wouldn't go "oh, you should be thankful, I could've locked the doors and murdered you". That's not even the best analogy because I haven't accepted any invitation to life, I was forced here and I'm supposed to be thankful for it and expect absolutely nothing.
I've tried these gratitude journals and gratitude guided meditations and once I thank my parents for letting me live in their home and eat their food (although they get narcissistic pleasure from keeping me dependent and helpless, I wrote a thread about it before) and artists for making copes I enjoy, that's it. There's really not much I can be grateful for and thinking about it just makes me more miserable. I've read that while meditation is generally good for mental health, people with severe depression can get even worse with it and I think I'm one of these people.
>oh, I'm SO GRATEFUL that the cashier in the store didn't just outright stab me in the neck but instead just stared angrily at me and didn't respond to my "good morning" and "have a nice day" like she does with everyone else
What am I supposed to be thankful for? "I'm thankful for my body" as I sit here mustering all my strength to ignore the roar of tinnitus and agonizing sciatic pain. "I'm thankful for the air" as I hear the soft hum of my air purifier because Poland has the shittiest air in Europe. "I'm thankful for the water" as I need to purify absolutely everything. "I'm thankful for my friends" -- OOPS, I DON'T HAVE ANY.
It feels like someone in the eighth circle of hell being thankful for not being in the ninth circle. The rare good things that happen to me (I'm not talking about good interactions, these never happen, I talk about finding a fun TV show or a book) seem cruel, as if they only existed to give me barely enough hope to keep going and not kill myself, just keep suffering forever, sustained by these rare sparks of hope.
It seems like the only way to be thankful as an incel is adopting this cucked cultish mentality of "oh, I'm so terrible, I deserve death and torture but alas the world is only a little cruel to me!". I do think the world owes me good treatment -- you got me here, you should give me the bare minimum. If you invited someone to a party, prepared nothing and were mean all the time, you wouldn't go "oh, you should be thankful, I could've locked the doors and murdered you". That's not even the best analogy because I haven't accepted any invitation to life, I was forced here and I'm supposed to be thankful for it and expect absolutely nothing.