Remembering something bad I did

[D. B. Gooner]

I was a very very well behaved child, to the point where it was a bad thing. But I just randomly remembered something I did.

When I was 3 or 4, I asked my dad to play with me upstairs. He said no. I got so mad that I looked out of our window that was facing a church we lived next to and started praying to god that my dad dies. Pretty soon after he cheated on my mom and our family fell apart.

I always complain about "global empathy". People will read about a sad thing that happened to strangers and show them more empathy than their own family. I believe we feel empathy for our own family and no one else, otherwise empathy would be a net negative for surviving in the wild. I'd excuse my lack of empathy towards randos by saying "Why should I care they're not my family"

But remembering this makes me wonder. Children don't lie. I genuinely must've wanted dad to die because he didn't wanna do something as simple as playing with me. Maybe I'm inherently a selfish narcissist.

I never once felt anger towards him for cheating on mom. I was always very uncomfortable when people from mom's side of the family would try to tell me "You must feel so bad over this" because I didn't, I only disliked the fact that I'd spend less time with dad and his side of the family. I couldn't care less about him hurting mom. It was all about me.

 

[Animecel2D]

That’s a crazy coincidence ngl

 

[Dead End]

I got so mad that I looked out of our window that was facing a church we lived next to and started praying to god that my dad dies.

I did something similar. I forget the reason behind it, but on Christmas when I was young (5 or so) I told my dad I hoped he'd die in his sleep out of anger.

 

[D. B. Gooner]

Edited thread with few new paragraphs I thought of