I just realized I was never ever encouraged by my parents on any hobby or decision or action that I solely came up with 
I just remembered how they were visibly upset with my cooking, my taste in music, my drawing, my singing and I compare them to other parents who support their children and go for extra lengths if they just see a glimpse of something, I didn't want that, I know I am an ugly loser which makes it hard to accept anything from me by anyone, but those were my parents man. now I just wish they saw something in me. man I was like nothing to them more than a burden or a pet they feed and send to school and dress up then wait for it to grow so that it can have a job and provide. any opinion or hobby or glimpse of a talent I had was dismissed, and thus buried my character and persona forever. I lack the motivation to cook like I used to a couple years ago, I lack the motive to go to gym like I did, I just don't want to do anything because anything I do will be met with these reactions. really hard to do anything when you're such a failure as a creature that even your parents don't tolerate anything coming from you just because you exist.
you know how when you're really sad trying to suppress your cries and get this feeling like the back of your throat is getting stabbed? I get this feeling everyday, at the end of every single day and I'm tired of it man.
I wish I wasn't such a sad virgin loser and I'm tired of it and all I want is a little rest.
I just remembered how they were visibly upset with my cooking, my taste in music, my drawing, my singing and I compare them to other parents who support their children and go for extra lengths if they just see a glimpse of something, I didn't want that, I know I am an ugly loser which makes it hard to accept anything from me by anyone, but those were my parents man. now I just wish they saw something in me. man I was like nothing to them more than a burden or a pet they feed and send to school and dress up then wait for it to grow so that it can have a job and provide. any opinion or hobby or glimpse of a talent I had was dismissed, and thus buried my character and persona forever. I lack the motivation to cook like I used to a couple years ago, I lack the motive to go to gym like I did, I just don't want to do anything because anything I do will be met with these reactions. really hard to do anything when you're such a failure as a creature that even your parents don't tolerate anything coming from you just because you exist.
you know how when you're really sad trying to suppress your cries and get this feeling like the back of your throat is getting stabbed? I get this feeling everyday, at the end of every single day and I'm tired of it man.
I wish I wasn't such a sad virgin loser and I'm tired of it and all I want is a little rest.
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