How am I supposed to know what being a retard feels like if I'm not one? I can only experience my reality and that of people who can communicate about their reality so that I may be able to understand their experience.
But if your question is would I rather be bluepilled? I don't remember a time where I was not blackpilled, I've been actively blackpilled since middle school, and even proto-blackpilled as a kid. If I were bluepilled right now, I would probably be enjoying some videogames, anime, movies, instead of voluntarily starving myself, torturing myself through exercise, hard work, and studying, and just simply grinding every day to try to CRAWL to a better place in life. So my life would probably be more enjoyable as a bluepilled sheep.
But I don't really know if it's better to be aware and miserable or unaware and happy. Someone help me out.