People feel like they're wasting time when they're not being productive. I feel like I'm wasting time when I'm not lying in bed rotting on my laptop.

[Deleted member 7448]

I've been like this since I was a kid. I'd be impatient to get back to my PC. At school? Counting the minutes to get back to my PC at home. During some miscellaneous activity? Same thing. Like when dad used to take me fishing so I'd get out of the house a bit. Or when during summer they made me go to the swimming pool. Instead of anything else in life I'd want to be on my PC. Should be pleasant activities and yet I still just wanted to get back to my PC.

And it hasn't changed. Today I really wasted my time cause I had to deliver some paper and the fucking cunt told me "well I have nowhere to put them now" and so I had to take them back and I'll have to deliver them a few weeks later. Anyway, so I made a whole trip, 1 hour wasted. And you know, I really felt like I wasted that time. All I would've done at home was to browse some random sites, watch a sitcom I've seen a million times before. And yet if I'm not doing that I feel like my time is wasted.

Idk what's wrong with my brain. Even you guys have proper motivation sometimes. But since I was a child all I wanted to do was relax on my PC, anything else is stessful. Shit I don't even particularly enjoy what I do on my PC, I'm just killing time.

P.S: Had to go outside for 1 hour today and I physically feel "bleh", and mentally I'm uneasy and just not feeling good. Shit, unless I'm home all day doing nothing then the entire day is ruined. If I have to do just 1 thing the whole day is pissed away, I feel like shit. And the next day I'll still be recovering.

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

all those "activities" back then were boring because you needed to be in the cool club to have any pleasant interactions with others

going up to people who have 300 friends while you have 1-2 isn't fun when you're an adult and it's not fun when you're a child either

 

[Gyros_Pretcel]

The more I read of you, the more I think you are autistic. Do you stim?

It's really scary how much we have in common.

Ever tried adhd meds or risperdal?

I am pretty much in the same boat as you either I get dat adhd diagnosis on top of my autism and the meds help or I rope.
I mean it could just as well be just severe anxiety + schizoid. But well.

Nvm I thought risperdal helped against stereotyical interest, but nope.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

The more I read of you, the more I think you are autistic. Do you stim?

It's really scary how much we have in common.

Ever tried adhd meds or risperdal?

I definitely am either autistic or aspie. That's beside all the other shit that's wrong with me. Avoidant personality disorder 100% I have that. Clinical depression since like 13. ADD probably. Generalized anxiety disorder definitely. By now maybe even agoraphobia. PTSD from all the shit that I did while I was an alcoholic, those 2+ years are constantly giving me flashbacks I have to repress. And a bunch of other shit.

None of these are treated or even officially diagnosed. But I live in a shithole country and tbh in this country you're better off living with your mental shit than admitting to anyone you have it, even doctors. And I wouldn't want to sadden my parents by making them think I have any of these anyway. Plus I don't want to waste money on treatment anyway, I'm very frugal and this country is poor anyway, fuck this shithole.

all those "activities" back then were boring because you needed to be in the cool club to have any pleasant interactions with others

going up to people who have 300 friends while you have 1-2 isn't fun when you're an adult and it's not fun when you're a child either

You are right but there's also another aspect to this. I think people's brains develop differently when they have a normal amount of social interactions when they are kids/teens. But I willingly isolated and avoided people all my life. By now my brain can't comprehend the way normal people see the world, how they see various activities. Because for me the social element in life is something I avoid, rather than enjoy it and see it as normal people do. The perfect example for me right now is MMOs. They're meant to be played with other people, and yet I just can't comprehend why anybody would enjoy playing an MMO with other people. They do dungeons, raids etc.. and tbh these activities are so fucking boring for me, I see them as totally pointless and even tedious. And yet that's why people play MMOs. So I can't play MMOs anymore since they just seem so boring and pointless. And I can't imagine what I did for tens of thousands of hours playing MMOs in my life, since I never really interacted with anyone.

 

[Lebensmüder]

I've been like this since I was a kid. I'd be impatient to get back to my PC. At school? Counting the minutes to get back to my PC at home. During some miscellaneous activity? Same thing. Like when dad used to take me fishing so I'd get out of the house a bit. Or when during summer they made me go to the swimming pool. Instead of anything else in life I'd want to be on my PC. Should be pleasant activities and yet I still just wanted to get back to my PC.

And it hasn't changed. Today I really wasted my time cause I had to deliver some paper and the fucking cunt told me "well I have nowhere to put them now" and so I had to take them back and I'll have to deliver them a few weeks later. Anyway, so I made a whole trip, 1 hour wasted. And you know, I really felt like I wasted that time. All I would've done at home was to browse some random sites, watch a sitcom I've seen a million times before. And yet if I'm not doing that I feel like my time is wasted.

Idk what's wrong with my brain. Even you guys have proper motivation sometimes. But since I was a child all I wanted to do was relax on my PC, anything else is stessful. Shit I don't even particularly enjoy what I do on my PC, I'm just killing time.

P.S: Had to go outside for 1 hour today and I physically feel "bleh", and mentally I'm uneasy and just not feeling good. Shit, unless I'm home all day doing nothing then the entire day is ruined. If I have to do just 1 thing the whole day is pissed away, I feel like shit. And the next day I'll still be recovering.

Can relate to that. The lifes of neoliberal cunts/normgroids are unbelievable: All the time they want self-improvement, they never seem to calm down, they are always on the run, that life is pathological. It takes so much running to keep you in the same place and this makes the process a sisyphean task. It has no end, there is no definitive goal to reach. It's sickening how they look down on somebody just because he dares to rot in his spare time.

"No, you should learn something in your spare time! No, you should do something productive or improve yourself!" - these statements make me so fucking aggressive. Can't even get how chad can do something after going to work like visiting a club or spending time with friends, these actions seem so tiring and energy-consuming. After working I fucking have no energy and just want to sleep, can't get how they have so much power/energy. It's ridiculous.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

Can relate to that. The lifes of neoliberal cunts/normgroids are unbelievable: All the time they want self-improvement, they never seem to calm down, they are always on the run, that life is pathological. It takes so much running to keep you in the same place and this makes the process a sisyphean task. It has no end, there is no definitive goal to reach. It's sickening how they look down on somebody just because he dares to rot in his spare time.

"No, you should learn something in your spare time! No, you should do something productive or improve yourself!" - these statements make me so fucking aggressive. Can't even get how chad can do something after going to work like visiting a club or spending time with friends, these actions seem so tiring and energy-consuming. After working I fucking have no energy and just want to sleep, can't get how they have so much power/energy. It's ridiculous.

Very good post, it's so true. 8 hours of work already seems to me like an impossible, torturous task. But then they even dare say that those 8 hours are baseline, you're lazy if you don't do something extra on the side.

 

[Lebensmüder]

Very good post, it's so true. 8 hours of work already seems to me like an impossible, torturous task. But then they even dare say that those 8 hours are baseline, you're lazy if you don't do something extra on the side.

This. Have so many normie friends who did this to me. Always calling me lazy, because I didn't want to learn coding/programming, crypto-currency or other helpful stuff in my spare time, just fucking lol, they guy who criticized me for that was someone with an IQ three standard deviations above the norm (<0.15% of the population have this value or a higher value) and had no idea how it is to be average/below average. And then when you call them out on it, they accuse you of making excuses. Completely sickening.
And they always get aggressive when you dare to criticize their advice that has absolutely no value for you, because their lifes aren't comparable to yours. It's so disgusting how they can see through the lie of meritocracy when it comes to economics, but they believe in a just world and meritocracy when it comes to social/romantic success.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

This. Have so many normie friends who did this to me. Always calling me lazy, because I didn't want to learn coding/programming, crypto-currency or other helpful stuff in my spare time, just fucking lol, they guy who criticized me for that was someone with an IQ three standard deviations above the norm (<0.15% of the population have this value or a higher value) and had no idea how it is to be average/below average. And then when you call them out on it, they accuse you of making excuses. Completely sickening.
And they always get aggressive when you dare to criticize their advice that has absolutely no value for you, because their lifes aren't comparable to yours. It's so disgusting how they can see through the lie of meritocracy when it comes to economics, but they believe in a just world and meritocracy when it comes to social/romantic success.

It's just so tiresome. I can't even be outraged anymore, I'm just broken by it all. Broken.