N
Every day, I carry the feeling of wanting to cry but not being physically able to.
>be poorfag
>become a wagecuck to spend less time in a dysfunctional home that was driving me to suicide
>participate in fire / emergency drill at work
>fucktons of people know it's a drill, except me
>I wasn't in the "in" crowd, so no one deigns to tell me it was a drill, so I assume there's a real emergency ongoing
>while everyone is joking and walking casually in their groups of friends, I lose myself in the crowd of evacuees, heart pounding, sweating, throat clamping shut as if I were suffocating, and feeling like vomiting because of the anxiety
>while waiting in the pre-designated evacuation zone, a FHO who I've never spoken to or seen before tells me that I look like I'm twelve
>another one jokingly asks me if I'm old enough to work there
>I laugh while wishing that the emergency were real, so that I could die right then and there
>I get home, fantasizing about going to sleep and escaping reality by traveling into my dreams
>my piece of shit father berates me as I'm walking through the door because I purchased some stupid trinkets on eBay; I have to buy stupid shit so that I can have something to look forward to, or else the reality of my miserable, dead-end life will be soul-crushing
I can't spend my own money, I can't go out in public without being humiliated, I can't have peace of mind, I can't experience just one peaceful, happy day without something coming out of nowhere and ruining it.
I wish there were a drug that could just void the mind entirely. I want to fuck off to a different dimension for a while. Fuck mankind.
>be poorfag
>become a wagecuck to spend less time in a dysfunctional home that was driving me to suicide
>participate in fire / emergency drill at work
>fucktons of people know it's a drill, except me
>I wasn't in the "in" crowd, so no one deigns to tell me it was a drill, so I assume there's a real emergency ongoing
>while everyone is joking and walking casually in their groups of friends, I lose myself in the crowd of evacuees, heart pounding, sweating, throat clamping shut as if I were suffocating, and feeling like vomiting because of the anxiety
>while waiting in the pre-designated evacuation zone, a FHO who I've never spoken to or seen before tells me that I look like I'm twelve
>another one jokingly asks me if I'm old enough to work there
>I laugh while wishing that the emergency were real, so that I could die right then and there
>I get home, fantasizing about going to sleep and escaping reality by traveling into my dreams
>my piece of shit father berates me as I'm walking through the door because I purchased some stupid trinkets on eBay; I have to buy stupid shit so that I can have something to look forward to, or else the reality of my miserable, dead-end life will be soul-crushing
I can't spend my own money, I can't go out in public without being humiliated, I can't have peace of mind, I can't experience just one peaceful, happy day without something coming out of nowhere and ruining it.
I wish there were a drug that could just void the mind entirely. I want to fuck off to a different dimension for a while. Fuck mankind.
