my entire fucking life + family history and observing everyone around me.
I always knew but it took me until my 20s before "the great synthesis" happened.
Too many experiences to mention but
- i look ethnic despite being genetically 100% german. Since childhood they treat me like immigrant and retarded person
- foids abusing my ass since childhood and worshiping my bullies
- relentless patronizing and torture from everyone around me, in spite of my obvious health issues
- adults and kids alike watching for years while I was obviously thinking about suicide and dying inside daily
- every single foid in last 120 years of family history being a fucking psychopath with zero empathy
- watching my dad and mom interact since childhood. How my parents would fight and my mom would later say it was basically fun for her
- foid teacher openly giving me bad grades on purpose and even telling me
- foid teacher yelling at me for no reason so bad that even normies were shocked
- constant bullying and accusations despite me doing everything in my power to self-isolate and not cause trouble (total emotional shutdown to point of ego death, hiding in library, on toilet, not speaking at all anymore for extended periods - it did not matter, they still attack)
- nobody wanting to sit next to me, even on crowded bus
- becoming homeless and watching my family eat icecream on whatsapp while I lived in a shelter with convicts - they didnt give a fuck about my well being at all
I mean it never ends. I drank the kool aid and blamed myself for all of this until I felt that I had to die to "pay back the debt" I owed my abusers. It was mental.