I find an unusually spiritual sense of comfort in high fantasy / medieval settings (e.g. Game of Thrones, The Elder Scrolls, Dark Souls). It’s not just autistic preferences in the sense that someone simply prefers one genre over another, it stems from a compulsive pattern of thinking and imagining.
It’s weird for me to put it in words but I think it’s partially because of being isolated and the fact that I’ve gotten really accustomed to my own shitty surroundings, environment and the cruelty of the world I live in, making it extremely easy for me to familiarize myself with conceptually fictional universes that showcase the true deplorable nature of our own world in a realistic fashion (which is precisely why I can’t move on from GoT and have gotten so addicted to its grimly political hierarchy and drama), or perhaps it’s because I find myself enjoying living in the past.
I end up internalizing all the negative things that have happened to me before and unintentionally opt for applying them to the future, resulting in residing in a perceptibly unbearable present. Like, what happens when you hate the past, can’t live in the present, and are terrified of the inevitability disappointing future? You end up feeling completely empty and hopeless, straying away from reality while daydreaming about fictional universes, remaining in a perpetual state of seeking tranquilization within fabrication or fantasy. Similar to what a lot of weebs and anime addicts go through. They seek what I seek, except in a different medium of storytelling and world building.
Does that make any sense? How the fuck do I pull myself out of this? I feel like I’m slowly losing myself in the process of building a Westworld in my own head, and it’s all to do with loneliness.
It’s weird for me to put it in words but I think it’s partially because of being isolated and the fact that I’ve gotten really accustomed to my own shitty surroundings, environment and the cruelty of the world I live in, making it extremely easy for me to familiarize myself with conceptually fictional universes that showcase the true deplorable nature of our own world in a realistic fashion (which is precisely why I can’t move on from GoT and have gotten so addicted to its grimly political hierarchy and drama), or perhaps it’s because I find myself enjoying living in the past.
I end up internalizing all the negative things that have happened to me before and unintentionally opt for applying them to the future, resulting in residing in a perceptibly unbearable present. Like, what happens when you hate the past, can’t live in the present, and are terrified of the inevitability disappointing future? You end up feeling completely empty and hopeless, straying away from reality while daydreaming about fictional universes, remaining in a perpetual state of seeking tranquilization within fabrication or fantasy. Similar to what a lot of weebs and anime addicts go through. They seek what I seek, except in a different medium of storytelling and world building.
Does that make any sense? How the fuck do I pull myself out of this? I feel like I’m slowly losing myself in the process of building a Westworld in my own head, and it’s all to do with loneliness.
