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I currently live with my dad, but when I was 5 I witnessed my mom and dad get into many fights, and my mom using me as a method to manipulate my dad into believing that she was always correct, eventually they got into many heated arguments and me alongside her and my younger brother moved from the USA. However this is when I began to see the nature of women, she was very hypocritical. An example is how she discredited my depression, essentially saying I lied about being depressed at the age of 12 to go back to the USA and then switching and telling my dad 10 year old kids cannot lie when I used to apparently say to everyone my dad was a bad person.
The family split caused me to be forced to take a choice since they didn't officially divorce since it is looked down upon in our culture, my mom took every possible step to villainize him. Including claiming he abused her, starved her, etc. One more thing I noticed was the echo chamber of narcissism within my family, especially between my aunt and my mom. Children are obviously more prone to copying and learning behaviors they see. Ironically all I wanted was validation at that age, I just wanted to be accepted because for some reason, my mom always believed I was essentially "loyal" to my dad. And thus made fun of me, my Aunt (unironically) used to compare me to the devil himself, claiming that my actions of childish mischief were uncorrectable and I would die a beggar. (I was 9). My mom and aunt fed off each other by constantly villainizing me and discrediting me. She always claimed I was too "young" to understand anything that happened and never allowed me to question anything.
I was very young, and this was a decade ago, however I remember how when my dad was visiting to meet his parents (since my parents are from the same state), he stopped by and I tried to explain to him everything that happened. But obviously, I couldn't I was 10 years old. So I could only repeat the buzzword I knew that didn't cover anything I truly felt, my entire life neither had anyone genuinely cared for me. My mom used to physically abuse me then claim if I hit her back in self defense "my hands would break off" then I got blamed for my violent nature. Eventually after a huge argument, she decided to send me to a therapist, but again, I didn't trust the therapist, what if she told my mother that I was thinking these thoughts, then I would be "rebellious" and get beat up even more. My mom also threatened to send me back to the United States, I was turning 13 and she threatened to send me to America, back to my vilified dad that I was supposed to hate, I clearly remember the date being April 20th 2020, although she was bluffing, COVID started which made it even worse, now I was cooped up in this house with no one to turn to. Eventually I decided enough was enough, the next time my dad was visiting I decided to tell him to take me back to the USA since I am a citizen. I watched how my mom went from not caring at all to realizing her mistake, not because she cared, but because she would have someone not on her side. But this wasn't even the worst part.
The fact is as I get older, I am able to experience the post-effect of this childhood. It eventually cumulated into me calling my mom and essentially giving her this exact spiel, instead of, understanding, or even providing an opinion, she claimed because of my greed for food, I decided to move back to the United States so I could eat good food, (I was 12, there is no way this would even make sense). My dad, still under the effect of my mom's manipulation, basically forced me to visit my mom to apologize when we were going back to his country to meet his relatives. But the same echo chamber happened, my mom and my aunt confronted me and essentially told me, I'm nothing, I will be nothing, and no one will believe my story. It really hurt me and no one is really there for me.
Personally, I used to think I "faked" my depression for attention, and I still think I do, maybe my mom is right about me being a beggar for life. But atleast I saw her evilness, something many others failed to do. I tried to explain to my dad how women are psychopathic narcissists who feed off praise and cannot take no for an answer, citing my many examples, but he failed to understand. I think I am the only person in the family who saw through it, and I don't know what to say it's just what happened man
but am i faking it idk its maybe me just learning to get attention for something from my mom
tldr: i cant really summarize this other than the fact that i got no one to express these feelings to that would have even the slightest of understanding. That is why I am posting it on this website where maybe a user with a similar experience or with knowledge could tell me something
if you are going to make fun of me, please atleast don't make fun of my experience you can call me a gray or new or something like that but like atleast don't discredit this
and sorry for rantposting, its just where I can find people who have experienced the worst of life aswell.
The family split caused me to be forced to take a choice since they didn't officially divorce since it is looked down upon in our culture, my mom took every possible step to villainize him. Including claiming he abused her, starved her, etc. One more thing I noticed was the echo chamber of narcissism within my family, especially between my aunt and my mom. Children are obviously more prone to copying and learning behaviors they see. Ironically all I wanted was validation at that age, I just wanted to be accepted because for some reason, my mom always believed I was essentially "loyal" to my dad. And thus made fun of me, my Aunt (unironically) used to compare me to the devil himself, claiming that my actions of childish mischief were uncorrectable and I would die a beggar. (I was 9). My mom and aunt fed off each other by constantly villainizing me and discrediting me. She always claimed I was too "young" to understand anything that happened and never allowed me to question anything.
I was very young, and this was a decade ago, however I remember how when my dad was visiting to meet his parents (since my parents are from the same state), he stopped by and I tried to explain to him everything that happened. But obviously, I couldn't I was 10 years old. So I could only repeat the buzzword I knew that didn't cover anything I truly felt, my entire life neither had anyone genuinely cared for me. My mom used to physically abuse me then claim if I hit her back in self defense "my hands would break off" then I got blamed for my violent nature. Eventually after a huge argument, she decided to send me to a therapist, but again, I didn't trust the therapist, what if she told my mother that I was thinking these thoughts, then I would be "rebellious" and get beat up even more. My mom also threatened to send me back to the United States, I was turning 13 and she threatened to send me to America, back to my vilified dad that I was supposed to hate, I clearly remember the date being April 20th 2020, although she was bluffing, COVID started which made it even worse, now I was cooped up in this house with no one to turn to. Eventually I decided enough was enough, the next time my dad was visiting I decided to tell him to take me back to the USA since I am a citizen. I watched how my mom went from not caring at all to realizing her mistake, not because she cared, but because she would have someone not on her side. But this wasn't even the worst part.
The fact is as I get older, I am able to experience the post-effect of this childhood. It eventually cumulated into me calling my mom and essentially giving her this exact spiel, instead of, understanding, or even providing an opinion, she claimed because of my greed for food, I decided to move back to the United States so I could eat good food, (I was 12, there is no way this would even make sense). My dad, still under the effect of my mom's manipulation, basically forced me to visit my mom to apologize when we were going back to his country to meet his relatives. But the same echo chamber happened, my mom and my aunt confronted me and essentially told me, I'm nothing, I will be nothing, and no one will believe my story. It really hurt me and no one is really there for me.
Personally, I used to think I "faked" my depression for attention, and I still think I do, maybe my mom is right about me being a beggar for life. But atleast I saw her evilness, something many others failed to do. I tried to explain to my dad how women are psychopathic narcissists who feed off praise and cannot take no for an answer, citing my many examples, but he failed to understand. I think I am the only person in the family who saw through it, and I don't know what to say it's just what happened man
but am i faking it idk its maybe me just learning to get attention for something from my mom
tldr: i cant really summarize this other than the fact that i got no one to express these feelings to that would have even the slightest of understanding. That is why I am posting it on this website where maybe a user with a similar experience or with knowledge could tell me something
if you are going to make fun of me, please atleast don't make fun of my experience you can call me a gray or new or something like that but like atleast don't discredit this
and sorry for rantposting, its just where I can find people who have experienced the worst of life aswell.
