S
Sans
I didn’t deserve this life
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- Joined
- Feb 8, 2019
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- 7,912
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- 19d 4h 49m
I try not to talk too much about this because I’d like to consider myself hardened and somewhat used to being unloved, but tonight, I’m in a horrible mood. I’m more depressed than I’ve been in quite some time, and thoughts of roping are coming back. There’s one thing that I just can’t live with.
No one will ever love me the way I am.
Bluepillers say “just be confident and put yourself out there bro!” I tried that all throughout high school, but the only thing that brought me was rejection and ridicule. I didn’t even make advances on half the people I tried talking to, yet I was still told to go away and was called a creep simply for trying to make friends. So much for putting myself out there. Also, this was before I even knew what an incel was, so “personality” wasn’t a factor. I always tried to be friendly and outgoing, even if I had a hard time doing so because of my severe autism. I tried to be approachable up until the very last day of high school. But I wasn’t treated well in middle school or elementary school, so as expected, that didn’t change in high school.
Even some IT members admit that personality isn’t everything and that looks are at least a small factor. The truth is, no one is going to date someone who is horribly deformed, and most people won’t even accept them for who they are, much like people in my high school, classmates and teachers alike. Okay, maybe a few people out there would date someone with such deformities, but if there are such people, they are few and far between and I haven’t found them yet. But there’s no denying that the dating pool is many times smaller for deformed people than it is for those who are not. It’s not just girls, either. It’s boys too. Everyone seems to put me down and then wonder why I’m upset.
I don’t mean relationships either. I’m not upset because I’m denied a relationship (though it would be nice). I’m upset because I was denied a single ounce of compassion or positivity. The same people who preach for body positivity turn me away. Even then, it would be acceptable if I was simply left alone, but people went out of their way to make my life harder simply because they thought it was a joke. I just stood there and took it because I was never one to get involved in drama, and because “two wrongs don’t make a right” which is probably a bluepilled cope.
Have you ever read the book “Wonder” by Raquel Palacio? It’s about a boy named August who has a disfigured face because of a medical condition similar to Treacher Collins Syndrome. He is homeschooled but his mother enrolls him in public school in fifth grade. He is immediately bullied on the first day of school by one boy named Justin, and it only gets worse. One parent even calls the school expressing concerns about August going to the school because his appearance is a “burden” to other students. However, he had a friend named Summer who was compassionate for him, and another kid named Jack who was mean at first but comes around and makes friends with him. In the end, Justin gets suspended, and on the last day of school August receives an award for exemplary academic achievements and the audience cheers for him as he walks on the stage to accept it.
This is basically my story, except I never got my happy ending, and had no one there for me. I’ve met people online who are not dicks because they don’t know what I look like, but no one in person. This forum is all I’ve got. Also, I should point out I don’t have Treacher Collins Syndrome myself, I was just using the story as an example of what I’ve been through, sans the happy ending.
Even my family doesn’t show me one iota of support or sympathy for the way I turned out. In fact, sometimes they make disparaging comments about my appearance.
I’m not a fan of how society treats me or other people like myself. There’s a lot wrong with society. I don’t think I’m completely in the wrong for hating society after all that’s happened to me. We’re not all sexist monsters who go out of our way to be dicks to women, many of us are in fact the opposite. I hate that people hear the word “incel” and automatically conflate me with Elliot Rodger or Alek Minassian. All I want is to at least be accepted for who I am.
No one will ever love me the way I am.
Bluepillers say “just be confident and put yourself out there bro!” I tried that all throughout high school, but the only thing that brought me was rejection and ridicule. I didn’t even make advances on half the people I tried talking to, yet I was still told to go away and was called a creep simply for trying to make friends. So much for putting myself out there. Also, this was before I even knew what an incel was, so “personality” wasn’t a factor. I always tried to be friendly and outgoing, even if I had a hard time doing so because of my severe autism. I tried to be approachable up until the very last day of high school. But I wasn’t treated well in middle school or elementary school, so as expected, that didn’t change in high school.
Even some IT members admit that personality isn’t everything and that looks are at least a small factor. The truth is, no one is going to date someone who is horribly deformed, and most people won’t even accept them for who they are, much like people in my high school, classmates and teachers alike. Okay, maybe a few people out there would date someone with such deformities, but if there are such people, they are few and far between and I haven’t found them yet. But there’s no denying that the dating pool is many times smaller for deformed people than it is for those who are not. It’s not just girls, either. It’s boys too. Everyone seems to put me down and then wonder why I’m upset.
I don’t mean relationships either. I’m not upset because I’m denied a relationship (though it would be nice). I’m upset because I was denied a single ounce of compassion or positivity. The same people who preach for body positivity turn me away. Even then, it would be acceptable if I was simply left alone, but people went out of their way to make my life harder simply because they thought it was a joke. I just stood there and took it because I was never one to get involved in drama, and because “two wrongs don’t make a right” which is probably a bluepilled cope.
Have you ever read the book “Wonder” by Raquel Palacio? It’s about a boy named August who has a disfigured face because of a medical condition similar to Treacher Collins Syndrome. He is homeschooled but his mother enrolls him in public school in fifth grade. He is immediately bullied on the first day of school by one boy named Justin, and it only gets worse. One parent even calls the school expressing concerns about August going to the school because his appearance is a “burden” to other students. However, he had a friend named Summer who was compassionate for him, and another kid named Jack who was mean at first but comes around and makes friends with him. In the end, Justin gets suspended, and on the last day of school August receives an award for exemplary academic achievements and the audience cheers for him as he walks on the stage to accept it.
This is basically my story, except I never got my happy ending, and had no one there for me. I’ve met people online who are not dicks because they don’t know what I look like, but no one in person. This forum is all I’ve got. Also, I should point out I don’t have Treacher Collins Syndrome myself, I was just using the story as an example of what I’ve been through, sans the happy ending.
Even my family doesn’t show me one iota of support or sympathy for the way I turned out. In fact, sometimes they make disparaging comments about my appearance.
I’m not a fan of how society treats me or other people like myself. There’s a lot wrong with society. I don’t think I’m completely in the wrong for hating society after all that’s happened to me. We’re not all sexist monsters who go out of our way to be dicks to women, many of us are in fact the opposite. I hate that people hear the word “incel” and automatically conflate me with Elliot Rodger or Alek Minassian. All I want is to at least be accepted for who I am.
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I am not technically deformed, but I'm about as ugly as someone who isn't deformed can be, and I can relate to what you are going through so much.
