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SuicideFuel Nihility and cynicism have "saved" me

bigantennaemay1

bigantennaemay1

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In a sense. I had another cry session earlier tonight, and I realized that my nihilism and cynicism have saved me, in a way. To put it bluntly and succinctly, about 7.5 years ago now, I got led on by a girl who had no interest in dating me, but was looking for either an orbiter or a shoulder to cry on (same difference, I guess), and went about it in an evil way, leading me to believe I had a chance with dating her. Before that point in time, I had hope: hope that I would find a foid who would want to be with me. That hope was a huge distraction, though; all I could think about back then was finding a girlfriend. But that was the straw that broke the camel's back. A rather large and heavy straw, at that.

Basically, before I was led on, I was always looking to figure out why I was alone, if I was the only one going through what I was suffering, and trying to figure out how to get out of my situation. To the detriment of my studies and job hunting, of course. I always sought escape from the pain as a distraction, to try to keep my hope alive, and one of the main ways I did that was escapism: losing myself in my video games, especially Morrowind and Fallout 3. And I would consistently fail to even try to get my homework done, or pay attention in class and learn anything of value, because all I could think about was "I'll meet someone tomorrow, or next week. And then I'll be happy, and everything will be alright, because I'll focus and concentrate on the things that need to get done, now that this hurdle is gone." And of course, the one week of my life I thought I had a chance, the week I was being led on, I had more confidence than ever, and tried harder than I ever had before, or even since, to get my life up and running, putting out more job applications in that one week and taking and making phone calls than I had in any other three year span of my life. Throwing that in there for all the fucks that say a girlfriend won't fix anything. Damn you to hell, it wouldn't, you stupid fucks! Why else would that one week be the most productive week of my life?!

That week when I was being led on was the only week in my life I ever felt confident. It was the only time in my life I thought I had a chance, and the only time I ever was able to hold my head high, so to speak. The only time I felt, happy. After that though, everything came crashing down, and my hope quickly fizzled out. The July after that (of the same year), was the one time in my over two decades of having suicidal thoughts, that I came closest to actually following through with the act. What did I do instead? I pussied out, and embraced nihilism and cynicism, instead. And the black pill a little later on, of course. Now, I have no hope I'll ever escape this hell, but at least I've been a little more productive since then, in terms of trying to get a career going and moving out of my father's house. A double-edged blade, I guess. I traded hope, and putting off the important stuff, for productivity and nihilism and cynicism.

Why did I have to turn this way? Why did I turn to nihilism instead of roping? Now, my new philosophy on life, along with my few working copes, are keeping me alive, and suffering, in a hell I no longer want to be a part of. In my pre-adult years, I believed my counselors (all female, of course) and my mother when they told me that "I'm a great guy, and someday, a girl will sink her claws into me and never let go." How could I be so naive and foolish as to believe them? And why the fuck would they lie straight to my face like that? I staked so much of my life back then on the lies they fed me. I wish I would've followed the path they set for me, and roped 7.5 years ago. Then I wouldn't be suffering. Now, with my nihilism running full-force, I just don't see the point, so I'm trapped. I was a fool to have listened and believed some dumbass foids telling me shit that wasn't going to happen would happen, and to have let myself be talked out of a real solution to the problem :feelsrope: and winding up embracing nihilism as a cope.

Do you know how I get by nowadays? I drink beer every night, I get high from edibles as often as I can afford, and I go to my favorite German bar every Friday night that I can afford to so I can eat fish fry alone and drink more beer to get even more drunk, because going there is the only thing I have to look forward to week after bleak and empty week. This isn't living; it's existing. Persisting. Hey, at least I'm still "alive," conscious and breathing. That's all anyone cares about, isn't it? Nobody cares about my suffering. Nobody cares about the pain and torment I experience 24/7, barring the times I'm high (high and not having a cry session, of course). Nobody cares that I'm in constant torment, they only care that I'm still breathing. And they tell me it would be selfish of me to kill myself. Can you believe that? SELFISH to end my own misery when nobody cares?! They're selfish for expecting me to persist! Inceldom has ruined me, torments me daily, and it's completely outside of my control to end it in any other way than the rope, or temporarily with edibles.

I'm tired. I don't want to continue persisting. And yet, I do, because I'm too much of a fucking coward to utilize the only solution I have. :feelsrope: Gravity. Or momentum. I've often wondered how much of a punch a train can pack. They do carry a lot of momentum. It's not that I want to die, either. I want to live, to actually live, not just persist day to day. I want a different life, one where I'm treated like a goddamn human being! One where I have friends, family that cares, and a girlfriend to fill this void where my heart should be. I can't do this. I'm tired of toughing it out through each miserable day. I'm tired of being strong. I just want my suffering to end. I'm tired. I'm just tired of it all.
 
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lord

lord

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cant you moneymaxx (not talking about being a millionaire but 100k per year will make it) and after that surgerymaxx ?
its my plan at the moment and is the best solution for the average incel imo
 
bigantennaemay1

bigantennaemay1

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lord said:
cant you moneymaxx (not talking about being a millionaire but 100k per year will make it) and after that surgerymaxx ?
its my plan at the moment and is the best solution for the average incel imo
I doubt it. Even without the complete lack of motivation driven by distractions that was a real problem for me before 25, I still seem to struggle badly with acquiring any sort of gainful employment, and am currently trying to get into a field that doesn't really pay that much (I'll be lucky to make more than 60k by the time I retire), one, to make up for my past mistakes (a spotty work history and horrible GPA from the last time I went to school), and two, because it's the only field I feel confident I can actually make it in. And by the time I have money to surgerymaxx, it will be far too late for me, anyway, and I'll be better off flying to the Netherlands and hitting up a brothel. Apparently, while high on shrooms, too, as has been suggested to me, because apparently, it'll be a good time if I do that. I'm 32 already, still in school for my third round, and I'm not getting any younger at this point.

The only thing waiting for me by the time I can afford it are single mothers looking for a simp to care for them financially and expect nothing from them. I'm done for.
 
lord

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bigantennaemay1 said:
I doubt it. Even without the complete lack of motivation driven by distractions that was a real problem for me before 25, I still seem to struggle badly with acquiring any sort of gainful employment, and am currently trying to get into a field that doesn't really pay that much (I'll be lucky to make more than 60k by the time I retire), one, to make up for my past mistakes (a spotty work history and horrible GPA from the last time I went to school), and two, because it's the only field I feel confident I can actually make it in. And by the time I have money to surgerymaxx, it will be far too late for me, anyway, and I'll be better off flying to the Netherlands and hitting up a brothel. Apparently, while high on shrooms, too, as has been suggested to me, because apparently, it'll be a good time if I do that. I'm 32 already, still in school for my third round, and I'm not getting any younger at this point.

The only thing waiting for me by the time I can afford it are single mothers looking for a simp to care for them financially and expect nothing from them. I'm done for.
fucking brutal, but i forgot to say that it wasnt about getting a top tier job, is about forex, crypto and real state.
get what i will do:
wagecuck and in ALL my free hours learn about forex (IN ALL the free hours, so no vidya, no movies, no fapping, i will only stop to eat and use the bathroom).
when i learn about it, with the money that i get from it, i will put on crypto and let it there for around a year while i will still active in forex.
after i get some money, i will do something extremely "easy", most underrated and profitable that you can imagine that is called "flipping" in the real state world:
i will buy a pretty bad house, fix it and sell it with a much higher price for another person and i still have the idea to buy land, make a pretty stylish house there and sell it (like people do in my country, but for my luck, their houses are pretty generic so i can be ahead of the competition without too much effort).
WE need to do something, i was the most lazy person you will ever get to know, I repeated a year at school twice because i didnt want to study, was just playing vidya all the time.
but i need to at least try to improve my life and get out of inceldom once for all, if i get old (im 21 years old) and look behind to see that i actually didnt tried for real, i will never forgive myself.
i will get to start at my new wagecuck work next week, so i will probably delete my account here so i can focus and tryhard on my plans, even if i fail at it, i have the strong feeling that i have to try no matter what.
 
bigantennaemay1

bigantennaemay1

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lord said:
fucking brutal, but i forgot to say that it wasnt about getting a top tier job, is about forex, crypto and real state.
get what i will do:
wagecuck and in ALL my free hours learn about forex (IN ALL the free hours, so no vidya, no movies, no fapping, i will only stop to eat and use the bathroom).
when i learn about it, with the money that i get from it, i will put on crypto and let it there for around a year while i will still active in forex.
after i get some money, i will do something extremely "easy", most underrated and profitable that you can imagine that is called "flipping" in the real state world:
i will buy a pretty bad house, fix it and sell it with a much higher price for another person and i still have the idea to buy land, make a pretty stylish house there and sell it (like people do in my country, but for my luck, their houses are pretty generic so i can be ahead of the competition without too much effort).
WE need to do something, i was the most lazy person you will ever get to know, I repeated a year at school twice because i didnt want to study, was just playing vidya all the time.
but i need to at least try to improve my life and get out of inceldom once for all, if i get old (im 21 years old) and look behind to see that i actually didnt tried for real, i will never forgive myself.
i will get to start at my new wagecuck work next week, so i will probably delete my account here so i can focus and tryhard on my plans, even if i fail at it, i have the strong feeling that i have to try no matter what.
Well best of luck to you with that, I really hope that works out for you. But I'm completely burnt out at this point, I'm struggling just to keep up in school, and have too many mental blocks built up to tear down in time. I hate to say it, but I can't lie to myself or others; I've already given up several years ago, and can't get the motor running again. I'm looking for a way out, not a way in, at this point.
 
lord

lord

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bigantennaemay1 said:
Well best of luck to you with that, I really hope that works out for you.
Thanks brocel.

bigantennaemay1 said:
But I'm completely burnt out at this point, I'm struggling just to keep up in school, and have too many mental blocks built up to tear down in time. I hate to say it, but I can't lie to myself or others; I've already given up several years ago, and can't get the motor running again. I'm looking for a way out, not a way in, at this point.
Damn, if you was one of the underage newfags in here i would think you was making some drama, but you are here since the start, honestly i dont know what to say for you, i dont believe in gods or any other cope, but i hope destiny works on your favor in the future.
 
mistersinister

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lord said:
fucking brutal, but i forgot to say that it wasnt about getting a top tier job, is about forex, crypto and real state.
get what i will do:
wagecuck and in ALL my free hours learn about forex (IN ALL the free hours, so no vidya, no movies, no fapping, i will only stop to eat and use the bathroom).
when i learn about it, with the money that i get from it, i will put on crypto and let it there for around a year while i will still active in forex.
after i get some money, i will do something extremely "easy", most underrated and profitable that you can imagine that is called "flipping" in the real state world:
i will buy a pretty bad house, fix it and sell it with a much higher price for another person and i still have the idea to buy land, make a pretty stylish house there and sell it (like people do in my country, but for my luck, their houses are pretty generic so i can be ahead of the competition without too much effort).
WE need to do something, i was the most lazy person you will ever get to know, I repeated a year at school twice because i didnt want to study, was just playing vidya all the time.
but i need to at least try to improve my life and get out of inceldom once for all, if i get old (im 21 years old) and look behind to see that i actually didnt tried for real, i will never forgive myself.
i will get to start at my new wagecuck work next week, so i will probably delete my account here so i can focus and tryhard on my plans, even if i fail at it, i have the strong feeling that i have to try no matter what.
比我廢
 
kanyepilled

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lord said:
fucking brutal, but i forgot to say that it wasnt about getting a top tier job, is about forex, crypto and real state.
get what i will do:
wagecuck and in ALL my free hours learn about forex (IN ALL the free hours, so no vidya, no movies, no fapping, i will only stop to eat and use the bathroom).
when i learn about it, with the money that i get from it, i will put on crypto and let it there for around a year while i will still active in forex.
after i get some money, i will do something extremely "easy", most underrated and profitable that you can imagine that is called "flipping" in the real state world:
i will buy a pretty bad house, fix it and sell it with a much higher price for another person and i still have the idea to buy land, make a pretty stylish house there and sell it (like people do in my country, but for my luck, their houses are pretty generic so i can be ahead of the competition without too much effort).
WE need to do something, i was the most lazy person you will ever get to know, I repeated a year at school twice because i didnt want to study, was just playing vidya all the time.
but i need to at least try to improve my life and get out of inceldom once for all, if i get old (im 21 years old) and look behind to see that i actually didnt tried for real, i will never forgive myself.
i will get to start at my new wagecuck work next week, so i will probably delete my account here so i can focus and tryhard on my plans, even if i fail at it, i have the strong feeling that i have to try no matter what.
don't do forex lmao

L @Languishingrn get a load of this :feelskek:
 
L

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kanyepilled said:
don't do forex lmao

L @Languishingrn get a load of this :feelskek:
lord @lord if you think forex is a good way to make money you’re an idiot. There’s no “passive income” like those lying YouTube Ad con artists claim. If you have under $50,0000 to invest with don’t mess with forex. Let’s say you have $1000 and make 5% on a trade, that’s only 50 bucks. Plus you’re tying up your money for such a little return.
I don’t know anything about flipping houses so I won’t comment on that. Basically, work hard for your money.

Get a real job or set up a legitimate business.
 
lord

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kanyepilled said:
don't do forex lmao

L @Languishingrn get a load of this :feelskek:
Languishingrn said:
lord @lord if you think forex is a good way to make money you’re an idiot. There’s no “passive income” like those lying YouTube Ad con artists claim. If you have under $50,0000 to invest with don’t mess with forex. Let’s say you have $1000 and make 5% on a trade, that’s only 50 bucks. Plus you’re tying up your money for such a little return.
I don’t know anything about flipping houses so I won’t comment on that. Basically, work hard for your money.

Get a real job or set up a legitimate business.
dude trust me :feelscomfy:
 
lifeisbullshit95

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Guess what OP?
 
Caesercel

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Zettacel @Zettacel thots on nihility @nihility saving someone.
 
L

Languishingrn

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lord said:
dude trust me :feelscomfy:
Come back here in a few weeks with the 100$ you made and flex on me:lul::lul:
 
lord

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Languishingrn said:
Come back here in a few weeks with the 100$ you made and flex on me:lul::lul:
so what i should do to moneymaxx ? (working on the computer)
 
bigantennaemay1

bigantennaemay1

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lifeisbullshit95 said:
Guess what OP?
What? Wait, lemme have one guess: your name? I know.
 
lifeisbullshit95

lifeisbullshit95

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bigantennaemay1 said:
What? Wait, lemme have one guess: your name? I know.
:yes:
 

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