I'll start with Elementary school as that is when it began. Even as a child, I was hideous but I didn't realize this until much, much later on in my life and yet, I feared talking to girls up until grade 8. The first girl I ever asked out said that here parents wouldn't let her date until she was 18 (we were both 13 at the time) of course, I was dissapointed for a few days but didn't think much of it after that. The next morning when I arrived at school, I opened my locker to store my backpack when another girl who I had a crush on walked up to me and said "you wanna date?" I was ecstatic and so I said "yes!" But before I could say anything more, she said "naaaah" with a weird-ass voice and walked away laughing. When she did that, it felt like my heart was sinking into my stomach, the same feeling you get when you're about to take an important test only far worse. Luckily, this happened near the end of the school year and I haven't seen her since.
High school was when realization started to set in, still though, I never fully realized that I'm undesirable to women until after I turned 21 but I'll get to that later. In grade 9, I had a crush on a girl whom I shared no clases with but liked talking to during lunch in the cafeteria. We never interacted outside of school but one day, I started catching feelings for her.
I hesitated about telling her for days, every time I was in her presence, I was scolding myself in my head for not having the guts to ask her out until one day, I simply walked up to her and said "hey (name), you wanna go out sometime" my voice cracked when I said this which made me feel pitiful. She responded with "um...I'm not really looking for a relationship right now" I remember this vividly because roughly one week later, she had gotten with another guy, a tenth grader. I didn't realize it at the time but "I'm not looking for a relationship" is one of the most common lies girls/women tell when they reject guys, remember that if you didn't know it already. Throughout the rest of my highschool career, I was rejected by every girl I liked with similar responses "you're not really my type"
"Why would I wanna date you?"
"No! We're just friends"
"You're like my little cousin" (whatever the fuck that means)
"I'm already seeing someone"
Some just said "what!?" And looked at me like I was insane.
You get the idea, I could flood your screen with these responses if I really wanted to, maybe I'll make a thread about it on a later date. It was in grade 10 that I realized that I'd probably never have a girlfriend in highschool, I cried on the floor in my room for hours on the day I came to this conclusion because I didn't know what was wrong with me, all the other boys at my school were able to get girlfriends except for the few who literally didn't talk. It felt like I was the only one who tried and couldn't succeed no matter what. I took an extra year after grade 12 to get a construction credit because I wanted to beef up my resume to make it easier to get hired for a construction job. In that year, I didn't ask a single girl out, even if I really liked her. I convinced myself that highschool was no place to find love and that after I finished my final course, I'd start trying again...I was stupid to believe that.
After I finished the course, I started working at a deadbeat coffee shop. The shop was only ever busy on Thursdays for some odd reason but that's besides the point. There were many cute girls working there and I had a crush on one of them, I asked her out after work and she said not a word, only looked at me like I just started talking Nazi shit. I was fired within the same week which really pissed me off because I wasn't overly-sexual about and I also worked my ass of to get that job. "Whatever, that place was the pits anyway" is what I told myself. After a while, I started applying for construction jobs yet no one would take me. I didn't understand because I did well in the construction course I took (88%) and the teacher even let me use him as a reference on my resume. While I was jobless, I started messing around with my friends more often, we were broke (still are but I'm talking about my past) so we usually just went on walks or occasionally went to cheap restaurants to hang out.
FFW to age 21, I got hired as a plumber's apprentice by simply applying online and writing a cover letter. I didn't expect it to work, I just did it because I needed money and was applying literally everywhere. I worked with them for nine months before getting fired for being immature (FML) talk about embarrassing. The day after I got fired, I downloaded Tinder, Bumble and Hinge when I was bored, I was excited to start my dating life because even at age 21, I was still naive. I spent all my likes on each app as soon as they refreshed and for the first couple months, I got no matches. One day, I matched with a girl on Tinder and, brimming with excitement, I started chatting with her. She wanted me to take her to a popular restaurant in my city so we set up a date and time to meet, I thought to myself "I'm finally gonna have a girlfriend!" What a fucking fool I was, I wish I could go back in time and beat the crap out of my past self. I show up to the spot that we agreed upon and waited, I sat in the restaurant's front foyer for hours before my naive self finally realized that I'd been stood up.
I went home feeling depressed and opened Tinder to message her. She blocked me before I even said anything and so, I began swiping again. Took me a few weeks to get another match but to my dismay, it was a bot asking for my credit card info using an OF girl as its PFP. I deleted the dating apps off my phone and lay on the floor for a few minutes, staring at my ceiling. FFW to another few months (still 21 years old) and I meet a girl who I really like at a support group I used to go to, we chat about what shows we like and she started talking about The Clone Wars (it was still on cable at the time and Disney+ didn't exist) which also happens to be my favorite show! We hung out a few times after that and I decided to tell her one day that I really liked her and wanted to start a relationship with her. Her response? "I really like you but you're like a brother to me" I thought to myself "what the Hell? She likes me but doesn't want to date me? I thought that shit only happened in highschool" but that's when I realized that I'm butt-ugly and that I'd get friendzoned by every girl I liked.
These women clearly enjoy hanging around with me and yet, not a single one would consider dating me. Then, I have people telling me "you could get a girlfriend if you tried" or "looks don't matter, it's who you are on the inside" or "just put yourself out there/just be yourself" seriously? Why do they assume I'm not trying? They know nothing about how many times I've tried and been rejected and yet, they assume. That's the story of why I'm an incel, it's only a fraction of my full life story but if I were to post that here, I would need to create a giant document with headers and footers to keep it organized.
TL/DR: I got rejected by every girl I liked. All my life.
High school was when realization started to set in, still though, I never fully realized that I'm undesirable to women until after I turned 21 but I'll get to that later. In grade 9, I had a crush on a girl whom I shared no clases with but liked talking to during lunch in the cafeteria. We never interacted outside of school but one day, I started catching feelings for her.
I hesitated about telling her for days, every time I was in her presence, I was scolding myself in my head for not having the guts to ask her out until one day, I simply walked up to her and said "hey (name), you wanna go out sometime" my voice cracked when I said this which made me feel pitiful. She responded with "um...I'm not really looking for a relationship right now" I remember this vividly because roughly one week later, she had gotten with another guy, a tenth grader. I didn't realize it at the time but "I'm not looking for a relationship" is one of the most common lies girls/women tell when they reject guys, remember that if you didn't know it already. Throughout the rest of my highschool career, I was rejected by every girl I liked with similar responses "you're not really my type"
"Why would I wanna date you?"
"No! We're just friends"
"You're like my little cousin" (whatever the fuck that means)
"I'm already seeing someone"
Some just said "what!?" And looked at me like I was insane.
You get the idea, I could flood your screen with these responses if I really wanted to, maybe I'll make a thread about it on a later date. It was in grade 10 that I realized that I'd probably never have a girlfriend in highschool, I cried on the floor in my room for hours on the day I came to this conclusion because I didn't know what was wrong with me, all the other boys at my school were able to get girlfriends except for the few who literally didn't talk. It felt like I was the only one who tried and couldn't succeed no matter what. I took an extra year after grade 12 to get a construction credit because I wanted to beef up my resume to make it easier to get hired for a construction job. In that year, I didn't ask a single girl out, even if I really liked her. I convinced myself that highschool was no place to find love and that after I finished my final course, I'd start trying again...I was stupid to believe that.
After I finished the course, I started working at a deadbeat coffee shop. The shop was only ever busy on Thursdays for some odd reason but that's besides the point. There were many cute girls working there and I had a crush on one of them, I asked her out after work and she said not a word, only looked at me like I just started talking Nazi shit. I was fired within the same week which really pissed me off because I wasn't overly-sexual about and I also worked my ass of to get that job. "Whatever, that place was the pits anyway" is what I told myself. After a while, I started applying for construction jobs yet no one would take me. I didn't understand because I did well in the construction course I took (88%) and the teacher even let me use him as a reference on my resume. While I was jobless, I started messing around with my friends more often, we were broke (still are but I'm talking about my past) so we usually just went on walks or occasionally went to cheap restaurants to hang out.
FFW to age 21, I got hired as a plumber's apprentice by simply applying online and writing a cover letter. I didn't expect it to work, I just did it because I needed money and was applying literally everywhere. I worked with them for nine months before getting fired for being immature (FML) talk about embarrassing. The day after I got fired, I downloaded Tinder, Bumble and Hinge when I was bored, I was excited to start my dating life because even at age 21, I was still naive. I spent all my likes on each app as soon as they refreshed and for the first couple months, I got no matches. One day, I matched with a girl on Tinder and, brimming with excitement, I started chatting with her. She wanted me to take her to a popular restaurant in my city so we set up a date and time to meet, I thought to myself "I'm finally gonna have a girlfriend!" What a fucking fool I was, I wish I could go back in time and beat the crap out of my past self. I show up to the spot that we agreed upon and waited, I sat in the restaurant's front foyer for hours before my naive self finally realized that I'd been stood up.
I went home feeling depressed and opened Tinder to message her. She blocked me before I even said anything and so, I began swiping again. Took me a few weeks to get another match but to my dismay, it was a bot asking for my credit card info using an OF girl as its PFP. I deleted the dating apps off my phone and lay on the floor for a few minutes, staring at my ceiling. FFW to another few months (still 21 years old) and I meet a girl who I really like at a support group I used to go to, we chat about what shows we like and she started talking about The Clone Wars (it was still on cable at the time and Disney+ didn't exist) which also happens to be my favorite show! We hung out a few times after that and I decided to tell her one day that I really liked her and wanted to start a relationship with her. Her response? "I really like you but you're like a brother to me" I thought to myself "what the Hell? She likes me but doesn't want to date me? I thought that shit only happened in highschool" but that's when I realized that I'm butt-ugly and that I'd get friendzoned by every girl I liked.
These women clearly enjoy hanging around with me and yet, not a single one would consider dating me. Then, I have people telling me "you could get a girlfriend if you tried" or "looks don't matter, it's who you are on the inside" or "just put yourself out there/just be yourself" seriously? Why do they assume I'm not trying? They know nothing about how many times I've tried and been rejected and yet, they assume. That's the story of why I'm an incel, it's only a fraction of my full life story but if I were to post that here, I would need to create a giant document with headers and footers to keep it organized.
TL/DR: I got rejected by every girl I liked. All my life.
Read every single word.
