Please don't flame brocels, I'm drunk af and crying like a little bitch because of my loneliness.
All my life I've been lonely, then I had a little sister and she became my best and only friend, then she died, and I've never had a friend or any other person who cared about me after that. I'm 30+, I literally was alone all my life No family, no friends. But didn't really mind. Was used to it.
Then after a roping attempt, I ended up in this closed mental facility, where I self-harmed every single day. I caused unbelievable problems for the doctors as I went in these nightmare-like self-harm frenzies. I would never be able to leave there.
Then this girl came as a patient in this closed mental facility, she was a little girl (obviously she is an adult, I just call her "little girl" in an endearing way, because she is just little compared to me, since I'm oldcel).
She immediately reminded me of my sister because if my sister was alive, she would be her age.
So, me, a guy who hates people and feels happiness in their misery and sadness (especially foids), went to this sad-looking, crying girl, and started a conversation. And we became friends pretty quickly. She became my first friend in like over 5 years, but even beyond that, she became a little sister to me. I loved her like my own family, and it really felt that way too. Those weren't just empty words.
For the last few years, I was very cold before I met her. I hated everyone, talked shit to them, was a very hateful person. Made sure they all knew I didn't want anything to do with them, especially foids. So, after meeting her, I changed (again), and went back to my roots, and became an emotional person who cared about her, and eventually I froze my account here and started the deletion process, because this forum reminded me of my previous personality full of hatred.
Well, long story short, she left me. She didn't like something I said, and called me sexist and said I "said she was inferior because she was a girl", which was not the case. I just commented on something she said and I didn't agree, and asked "why must it be like this, because you're a girl?", and this was actually to refer to what she said to me before:. She said to me before: "You insist a lot. When a girl says no, it's not good to keep insisting"... I was referring to that, because I didn't understand what she meant and why it is especially bad to insist when the person is a girl. I genuinely didn't understand. But she didn't believe me, and stopped talking to me. Of course that wasn't the only thing I did during our arguments, but this was like the final nail for her, I think. I don't think it was a justified reason to leave me. Really broke my heart. Still does.
So, now, I've not been eating anything since that happened, which is over a week, I think. Can't remember anything, because the only thing I do is keep drinking alcohol and self-harm. Has anyone played Disco Elysium? I feel like the protagonist in that game, trying to give myself amnesia by drinking a shit ton of. Will it work?
She said she will come with me to my appointment with my therapist next week, but she's not talking to me anymore, she's not even answering simple questions, and it really hurts. We used to play video games every day. I'm literally begging her to play, but no, she is not playing.
I couldn't believe anyway that I could have such a beautiful relationship like I had with her, felt like a dream and not something like I would be able to achieve. I was proud of myself. But seems I couldn't achieve it anyway. I messed up.
Please don't talk bad about her brocels. She is a very good person. Not like any other foid I knew. She is not arrogant like your run-of-the-mill foid. She is really good hearted.
Call me simp, I don't care, it's the truth.
Anyway, and now I'm back here.
Just wanted to share.
