For context, I and my mom haven't been on good terms for most of my life. She was mean to me as a child because she was on drugs, she was in and out of rehab and color code (she would get called randomly to take drug tests because she methheadmaxxed) during early childhood, and she constantly blackpilled me about how much of a piece of shit my dad is (the stuff she said is true, it's just shitty because I am ordered by the court to live with him). I've hated her even before I became blackpilled and this was around 12-13 years old; when I was in 7th grade (in the USA). I would ride the bus home just so I wouldn't have her pick me up in her shitty dirty junky ratchet ass car. She would come to school to pick me up on Wednesdays because those were the days she had rights to me, and I wouldn't be there. She still guilt trips me about this and I am almost 19 now. A lot of my hatred also comes to how she would embarrass me in front of my old friends in my early childhood. I had one friend in the 5th grade and I invited him over to my house to play GTA v on the box 360 and my mom was talking about how there are prostitutes in the game and all of this stuff. He was mortified since he was raised in a Christian household and this is probably the first time he'd ever played the game. 3 years later I was texting him on steam chat about how I hated my mom and she went on the family computer I'd play games on and spammed embarrassing shit to him, and he was like "huh". I hate her for that too because that same friend I've been talking about roped 4 years ago in 2017. From there, our relationship had ups and downs because my father was becoming progressively worse than her. A lot of times he is worse than her, it's just he isn't emotional and teehee so he's easier to put up with.
More recently, in the span of ~3-4 months, my mom has been complaining about me becoming "different" and how i "isolate" myself because I stopped going to church and talking to her and anyone else. My mom was super religious and still is now but she doesn't go to church because she has ADHD and is not on medication, and as a result never forced me to go. I myself had a tradcon Christian phase before i became blackpilled for about a year and what broke it for me was just realizing that all religions suck and are copes. The blackpill has brought me to where i am now, and now that i see no reason to talk to people irl, why would I talk to them? They hate me for being ugly and i hate them for exiling me from society. My mom however has a twisted view on what has caused my isolation, and she blames it on the acne medicine i take. I am sure you guys are familiar with accutane and my dermatologist gave it to me because i have cystic acne on my back that won't be cured with regular acne medicine. My mom keeps saying that accutane has changed me and since I'm autistic i shouldn't be taking it. I tell her to fuck off and that i'd rather trust my dermatologist since they didn't create me to be an autistic incel unlike she did with her cursed vagina.
Also, she tries to pressure me to live in her shitty trailer because she claims there is too much fighting in my dad's house, which is true. My father tried beating the shit out of me for telling him how my grandma (his mom) shoves me and how I don't like it. Once word got out about that altercation, she'd been nonstop blowing up my phone. As a result of her constantly blowing me up, I am just very short with her since I have nothing to say to her. She tries guilt-tripping me into thinking "you just hate my guts" and "I want my son back", which I do hate her guts I just can't say that without being kicked out without a place to go to. Society has robbed me of any love I had previously possessed for others, even myself. I've even told her how I feel like she's a pathetic idiot who only wallows in her own sorrow and how she failed to raise her son and daughter. My sister is an absolute whore who smokes weed, has a bellybutton piercing, does TikTok ass shaking, and all sorts of other bullshit. I blame this on my mother for her lack of a good example to show to her, and my father's lack of authority being pressed into her. She just can't get the hint that i don't like her and i want her out of my life but i don't want to face any of the consequences.
This brings us to today, where she invited me to fly a kite with her since she got new ones. My mom loves buying junky stuff she doesn't need yet complains about being poor and being a food stamps whore. I told her i am not interested and she went off on a big rant about how she loves me and how if i want to see her i can come any time. A part of me feels bad but my hatred and resentment and disgust, whatever you want to call it, overpowers my guilt and shreds of empathy. I need to take a higher dosage of the blackpill, i am still showing emotion.
More recently, in the span of ~3-4 months, my mom has been complaining about me becoming "different" and how i "isolate" myself because I stopped going to church and talking to her and anyone else. My mom was super religious and still is now but she doesn't go to church because she has ADHD and is not on medication, and as a result never forced me to go. I myself had a tradcon Christian phase before i became blackpilled for about a year and what broke it for me was just realizing that all religions suck and are copes. The blackpill has brought me to where i am now, and now that i see no reason to talk to people irl, why would I talk to them? They hate me for being ugly and i hate them for exiling me from society. My mom however has a twisted view on what has caused my isolation, and she blames it on the acne medicine i take. I am sure you guys are familiar with accutane and my dermatologist gave it to me because i have cystic acne on my back that won't be cured with regular acne medicine. My mom keeps saying that accutane has changed me and since I'm autistic i shouldn't be taking it. I tell her to fuck off and that i'd rather trust my dermatologist since they didn't create me to be an autistic incel unlike she did with her cursed vagina.
Also, she tries to pressure me to live in her shitty trailer because she claims there is too much fighting in my dad's house, which is true. My father tried beating the shit out of me for telling him how my grandma (his mom) shoves me and how I don't like it. Once word got out about that altercation, she'd been nonstop blowing up my phone. As a result of her constantly blowing me up, I am just very short with her since I have nothing to say to her. She tries guilt-tripping me into thinking "you just hate my guts" and "I want my son back", which I do hate her guts I just can't say that without being kicked out without a place to go to. Society has robbed me of any love I had previously possessed for others, even myself. I've even told her how I feel like she's a pathetic idiot who only wallows in her own sorrow and how she failed to raise her son and daughter. My sister is an absolute whore who smokes weed, has a bellybutton piercing, does TikTok ass shaking, and all sorts of other bullshit. I blame this on my mother for her lack of a good example to show to her, and my father's lack of authority being pressed into her. She just can't get the hint that i don't like her and i want her out of my life but i don't want to face any of the consequences.
This brings us to today, where she invited me to fly a kite with her since she got new ones. My mom loves buying junky stuff she doesn't need yet complains about being poor and being a food stamps whore. I told her i am not interested and she went off on a big rant about how she loves me and how if i want to see her i can come any time. A part of me feels bad but my hatred and resentment and disgust, whatever you want to call it, overpowers my guilt and shreds of empathy. I need to take a higher dosage of the blackpill, i am still showing emotion.
