My life story + Have you figured out how your parents ruined your life?

[INVERTER]

Every time I think my parents weren't that bad, I spend time with them and am reminded that they are.

Honestly, my mom is better although she cheated and initiated divorce. My dad is just someone who walks around criticizing others and throwing stones in a glass house. He is also completely clueless when someone has legitimate criticisms of him. He cannot understand it at all.

One thing was I felt like no matter what I did he thought it was wrong. He genuinely just enjoys talking shit about people behind their back to feel superior and when people call him out on it, he genuinely has no self reflection whatsoever

 

[D. B. Gooner]

Every time I think my parents weren't that bad, I spend time with them and am reminded that they are.

Honestly, my mom is better although she cheated and initiated divorce. My dad is just someone who walks around criticizing others and throwing stones in a glass house. He is also completely clueless when someone has legitimate criticisms of him. He cannot understand it at all.

One thing was I felt like no matter what I did he thought it was wrong. He genuinely just enjoys talking shit about people behind their back to feel superior and when people call him out on it, he genuinely has no self reflection whatsoever

Sounds like my grandma. She is negativity incarnate. She will criticize you, gossip to you, complain about meaningless shit, tell you what to do, then say something like "I should just hang myself, then you'll all see". She is quite literally Livia Soprano.

And the worst part is she doesn't stop. You can tell her "Ok", you can tell her "Idc", you can push back against her, you can prove to her that she's wrong, she will go back to that same talking point 30s later. Just non stop unsolicited talking and whining and criticizing for hours and hours every day.

And she genuinely has like 75iq, I'm not saying it to be mean, but she has the reasoning of a 10yo. She makes everyone seethe with anger when she talks to them, no exceptions, her negativity spreads to the whole family.

Eventually everyone woukd break and yell at her telling her to stfu and thats when she puts herself on the cross. And because everyone treats her like she's stupid (she is), she takes it out on grandpa who's 93 and somewhat senile, constantly projecting, calling him stupid and saying that he's the reason she's so negative. He's also not a great person, but she really shits on him for no reason most of the time.

 

[INVERTER]

Sounds like my grandma. She is negativity incarnate. She will criticize you, gossip to you, complain about meaningless shit, tell you what to do, then say something like "I should just hang myself, then you'll all see". She is quite literally Livia Soprano.

And the worst part is she doesn't stop. You can tell her "Ok", you can tell her "Idc", you can push back against her, you can prove to her that she's wrong, she will go back to that same talking point 30s minutes later. Just non stop unsolicited talking and whining and criticizing for hours and hours every day.

And she genuinely has like 75iq, I'm not saying it to be mean, but she has the reasoning of a 10yo. She makes everyone seethe with anger when she talks to them, no exceptions, her negativity spreads to the whole family.

Eventually everyone woukd break and yell at her telling her to stfu and thats when she puts herself on the cross. And because everyone treats her like she's stupid (she is), she takes it out on grandpa who's 93 and somewhat senile, constantly projecting, calling him stupid and saying that he's the reason she's so negative. He's also not a great person, but she really shits on him for no reason most of the time.

Hmm she sounds more outwardly toxic than him. My dad comes across as goody two shoes to others he just always thinks he is correct and doesn't respect boundaries. Like he will randomly start doing some shit on other people's property for them to correct them.

He's honestly less negative and more social than me

 

[FastBlast]

Extremely brutal and relatable. I could copy and paste about 95% of this thread and it would pretty much sum up my life

 

[CursedMutantSoul]

I know the origin of all of my negative behavior. I know exactly why I behave in certain manners and can track them all back to my upbringing.

I'm deeply avoidant, have a raging inferiority + superiority complex, and I'm a crazy people pleaser. People used to take advantage of me so easily, especially as a kid. I'd go to the store for people, even the ones my age, I'd go fetch water for people, I could never say no. And I can point to the exact poor parenting practices that caused these issues for me.

Long story short, dad cheated on mom when I was like 4. Dads business went to shit so he became broke. He could no longer pay child support. Mom let him slide, but what I believe happened is that he became afraid of her because of it. He started another family and if he ever got on her bad side she could force him to pay up and ruin his life. So he would always be like "You should do what your mother decides is best". He was essentially a non-factor as a parent growing up. Fully passive. He was and is like a buddy to me, we go for walks and chat.

My mom has crazy anger issues and was very strict about grades. She would have angry meltdowns on me over minor things, like me having bad handwriting, getting Bs or getting a spot on my t-shirt. It was constant ungodly levels of screaming. And she's a hard screamer, the whole neighborhood could hear her. And I was also very sensitive to criticism and would cry whenever she'd yell.

In order to avoid her meltdowns, I started minimizing myself within the house (keep in mind it's just the 2 of us living together). If any interaction with her could cause me to get screamed at for no reason, I felt that the best course of action was to fully avoid all interactions with her in order to survive. This exact habit has imprinted itself onto my subconscious, causing me to behave the same way with all people, not just my mom. I'm afraid of them criticizing and judging me so I avoid interacting with them at all costs.

The only time I felt safe was when I got good grades, because when I did that, mom had no excuse to unleash her anger on me and would actually be very nice to me. This is what caused me to become a people pleaser. My instinct is to value myself based on what I can do for others and how I can satisfy them.

To add fuel to the fire my older cousin would regularly punch the shit out of me, always make fun of me, and fully exploit the people pleaser part of my psyche. He'd make a demand, I'd start bitching and crying about it, then in the end I'd do it anyways.

Mom would also invade my privacy. She would listen in on my phone-calls. She would read through my search history to find out what girl I had a crush on and then would playfully mock me about it as a joke but that also fucked me up and caused me to hide every single detail about myself from her. She doesn't know a single opinion I hold other than my diet because I couldn't keep hiding raw meat in the house. To this day I can't have a proper phone-call, I end all phone-calls within 30s because I just feel violated and as if people are listening in on me.

My mom randomly stopped caring about my grades when I was in the 8th grade but the damage had already been done, my personality had been set in stone, I had been turned into a doormat.

Even today, I have a visceral reaction to seeing my mom. At times she'll walk into my room as I'm laying there and try to talk to me (she's been nice to me for the past few years) but I just can't do it. I start turning my head away from her, brushing off her attempts at conversing and can barely look at her or even face her in such moments, like a turbo autist.

Passive dad + Agressive mom = Most passive possible child

Just to clarify I do like both of my parents and am on friendly terms with them, but they did a really, really awful job. Not to mention how they fucked up my physical development by not breastfeeding me and giving me antibiotics regularly until I was 6.

Did you ever think back to your childhood and start connecting dots as to how they fucked you up?

This reads almost exactly like my situation

 

[NIGGA BANBAN]

It's too long to go over and I don't have mental energy to do it.


All im gonna say is:

I understand Adam Lanza.

 

[xoxo_404]

%89 of parents are reasons why we are incels today, either by looks through their genetics or they never stood up for us when we were bullied

 

[xoxo_404]

This reads almost exactly like my situation

It is my situation

 

[mrlunatic]

I know the origin of all of my negative behavior. I know exactly why I behave in certain manners and can track them all back to my upbringing.

I'm deeply avoidant, have a raging inferiority + superiority complex, and I'm a crazy people pleaser. People used to take advantage of me so easily, especially as a kid. I'd go to the store for people, even the ones my age, I'd go fetch water for people, I could never say no. And I can point to the exact poor parenting practices that caused these issues for me.

Long story short, dad cheated on mom when I was like 4. Dads business went to shit so he became broke. He could no longer pay child support. Mom let him slide, but what I believe happened is that he became afraid of her because of it. He started another family and if he ever got on her bad side she could force him to pay up and ruin his life. So he would always be like "You should do what your mother decides is best". He was essentially a non-factor as a parent growing up. Fully passive. He was and is like a buddy to me, we go for walks and chat.

My mom has crazy anger issues and was very strict about grades. She would have angry meltdowns on me over minor things, like me having bad handwriting, getting Bs or getting a spot on my t-shirt. It was constant ungodly levels of screaming. And she's a hard screamer, the whole neighborhood could hear her. And I was also very sensitive to criticism and would cry whenever she'd yell.

In order to avoid her meltdowns, I started minimizing myself within the house (keep in mind it's just the 2 of us living together). If any interaction with her could cause me to get screamed at for no reason, I felt that the best course of action was to fully avoid all interactions with her in order to survive. This exact habit has imprinted itself onto my subconscious, causing me to behave the same way with all people, not just my mom. I'm afraid of them criticizing and judging me so I avoid interacting with them at all costs.

The only time I felt safe was when I got good grades, because when I did that, mom had no excuse to unleash her anger on me and would actually be very nice to me. This is what caused me to become a people pleaser. My instinct is to value myself based on what I can do for others and how I can satisfy them.

To add fuel to the fire my older cousin would regularly punch the shit out of me, always make fun of me, and fully exploit the people pleaser part of my psyche. He'd make a demand, I'd start bitching and crying about it, then in the end I'd do it anyways.

Mom would also invade my privacy. She would listen in on my phone-calls. She would read through my search history to find out what girl I had a crush on and then would playfully mock me about it as a joke but that also fucked me up and caused me to hide every single detail about myself from her. She doesn't know a single opinion I hold other than my diet because I couldn't keep hiding raw meat in the house. To this day I can't have a proper phone-call, I end all phone-calls within 30s because I just feel violated and as if people are listening in on me.

My mom randomly stopped caring about my grades when I was in the 8th grade but the damage had already been done, my personality had been set in stone, I had been turned into a doormat.

Even today, I have a visceral reaction to seeing my mom. At times she'll walk into my room as I'm laying there and try to talk to me (she's been nice to me for the past few years) but I just can't do it. I start turning my head away from her, brushing off her attempts at conversing and can barely look at her or even face her in such moments, like a turbo autist.

Passive dad + Agressive mom = Most passive possible child

Just to clarify I do like both of my parents and am on friendly terms with them, but they did a really, really awful job. Not to mention how they fucked up my physical development by not breastfeeding me and giving me antibiotics regularly until I was 6.

Did you ever think back to your childhood and start connecting dots as to how they fucked you up?

Sorry what you went though brocel. even I come from a history of physical and emotional abuse from parents, teachers and friends. It sticks with you.

I have forgiven them though because they came from bad families themselves too so whatever.

How have you reacted to the trauma ? Personally, I try not to hurt people anymore. Trauma sticks and sucks, and I wouldn't like to pass it to anybody.

 

[D. B. Gooner]

Sorry what you went though brocel. even I come from a history of physical and emotional abuse from parents, teachers and friends. It sticks with you.

I have forgiven them though because they came from bad families themselves too so whatever.

How have you reacted to the trauma ? Personally, I try not to hurt people anymore. Trauma sticks and sucks, and I wouldn't like to pass it to anybody.

I haven't "reacted" at all because it's not a one and done sort of thing, it made me who I am permanately, I am rotten.

I assume everyone finds me boring and dislikes me, then, as a result, I end up shutting down in front of them and start disliking them for making me feel judged, and because of that I truly end up being boring and unlikable.
I still avoid my mother like the plague, whether consciously or subconsciously.

 

[FarangInDaNang]

I know the origin of all of my negative behavior. I know exactly why I behave in certain manners and can track them all back to my upbringing.

I'm deeply avoidant, have a raging inferiority + superiority complex, and I'm a crazy people pleaser. People used to take advantage of me so easily, especially as a kid. I'd go to the store for people, even the ones my age, I'd go fetch water for people, I could never say no. And I can point to the exact poor parenting practices that caused these issues for me.

Long story short, dad cheated on mom when I was like 4. Dads business went to shit so he became broke. He could no longer pay child support. Mom let him slide, but what I believe happened is that he became afraid of her because of it. He started another family and if he ever got on her bad side she could force him to pay up and ruin his life. So he would always be like "You should do what your mother decides is best". He was essentially a non-factor as a parent growing up. Fully passive. He was and is like a buddy to me, we go for walks and chat.

My mom has crazy anger issues and was very strict about grades. She would have angry meltdowns on me over minor things, like me having bad handwriting, getting Bs or getting a spot on my t-shirt. It was constant ungodly levels of screaming. And she's a hard screamer, the whole neighborhood could hear her. And I was also very sensitive to criticism and would cry whenever she'd yell.

In order to avoid her meltdowns, I started minimizing myself within the house (keep in mind it's just the 2 of us living together). If any interaction with her could cause me to get screamed at for no reason, I felt that the best course of action was to fully avoid all interactions with her in order to survive. This exact habit has imprinted itself onto my subconscious, causing me to behave the same way with all people, not just my mom. I'm afraid of them criticizing and judging me so I avoid interacting with them at all costs.

The only time I felt safe was when I got good grades, because when I did that, mom had no excuse to unleash her anger on me and would actually be very nice to me. This is what caused me to become a people pleaser. My instinct is to value myself based on what I can do for others and how I can satisfy them.

To add fuel to the fire my older cousin would regularly punch the shit out of me, always make fun of me, and fully exploit the people pleaser part of my psyche. He'd make a demand, I'd start bitching and crying about it, then in the end I'd do it anyways.

Mom would also invade my privacy. She would listen in on my phone-calls. She would read through my search history to find out what girl I had a crush on and then would playfully mock me about it as a joke but that also fucked me up and caused me to hide every single detail about myself from her. She doesn't know a single opinion I hold other than my diet because I couldn't keep hiding raw meat in the house. To this day I can't have a proper phone-call, I end all phone-calls within 30s because I just feel violated and as if people are listening in on me.

My mom randomly stopped caring about my grades when I was in the 8th grade but the damage had already been done, my personality had been set in stone, I had been turned into a doormat.

Even today, I have a visceral reaction to seeing my mom. At times she'll walk into my room as I'm laying there and try to talk to me (she's been nice to me for the past few years) but I just can't do it. I start turning my head away from her, brushing off her attempts at conversing and can barely look at her or even face her in such moments, like a turbo autist.

Passive dad + Agressive mom = Most passive possible child

Just to clarify I do like both of my parents and am on friendly terms with them, but they did a really, really awful job. Not to mention how they fucked up my physical development by not breastfeeding me and giving me antibiotics regularly until I was 6.

Did you ever think back to your childhood and start connecting dots as to how they fucked you up?

Bookmarked, I have my own version of this

 

[UndeadDeadMan]

The only time I felt safe was when I got good grades, because when I did that, mom had no excuse to unleash her anger on me and would actually be very nice to me. This is what caused me to become a people pleaser. My instinct is to value myself based on what I can do for others and how I can satisfy them.

This fucking hurts. I was told to get good grades too, but the difference is that once I actually got them nobody cared. They would still focus on my flaws.

Yeah. The recurring theme in my childhood, both at home and in school was that I was expected to already know everything. Nobody ever taught me anything in life, I had to learn everything on my own completely without handholding. Then when I would go on to do things in my own naturally idiosyncratic ways my parents and teachers would berate me for it, despite refusing to actually teach me how they wanted me to do things. I always thought it was so harsh to be judged for not knowing something, because you cannot know what you don't know quite simply.

I had this too. My more attractive mates would get stuff for free, both resource wise and skills wise. I was told to shut the fuck up and go away.

 

[chudt320]

I’m just a dog that wasn’t taught any tricks by the owner
Or a bird that never learnt how to fly

 

[St3v3Cel]

This fucking hurts. I was told to get good grades too, but the difference is that once I actually got them nobody cared. They would still focus on my flaws.

Brutal .

I had this too. My more attractive mates would get stuff for free, both resource wise and skills wise. I was told to shut the fuck up and go away.

The world is too cruel man. Some people get everything meanwhile others get nothing.