View: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/3IRI4QWfcM
My husband just left me because he's been hit on by a woman for the first time in his life
God, I am so angry at ... I don't know. Everything! right now. And this feels so fucked up I don't even want to talk to my bff about this right now, it hurts too much atm
My husband just told me he is leaving me and I can't believe the reason.
I need to give some background: I am 34F and my husband is 38M. We've been married for almost 2 years, have dated 2 years before that, so overall a bit more than 4 years.
He's always been very insecure about himself, even though he has a great personality (or so I thought), is generous, caring, can express his emotions and all this stuff. When I got to know him better, I couldn't believe he wasn't taken. In fact, he had only been in two relationships in his life (both 5+ years long, though). He told me that's because he's shy and ugly and women don't really want anything from him, like, ever, especially not good-looking ones. I am fairly conventionally attractive and he has kept telling me for the past years how lucky he feels to finally have found his dream woman and then her being as attractive as me.
I was wary at the beginning, though, so I let him court me quite a bit before going out with him for the first time etc. I really was fearing for some dark secret of his that I just hadn't uncovered yet, plus I don't want to look easy. But turns out no, he's a really sweet guy, and just very shy. I also don't think he's ugly. He's not in any way super-handsome or so, and frankly, originally I thought he was not my type, but his charm melted all of that away quickly. Once we starting thoroughly dating, things went fast, because it all was so wonderful!
Well, apparently a while ago he was on his own in the outside area of a restaurant having lunch when this woman went by, and apparently struck up a conversation with him. (He's shown me a picture of her since I asked him, and she is drop-dead gorgeous. Maybe I am exaggerating because I am so mad, but she definitely looks better than me, I have to admit
)He didn't tell me much about what they talked, just that she was very friendly, and they exchanged numbers, and started texting more and more often. He says she at some point openly started pursuing him even though she knew he was married, saying she just really fell for him and can't let this opportunity pass.
He said that he was hesitant once he realized that she was hitting on him, and he was also excited because this literally has never happened in his life. In the past, he repeatedly said that women, at least attractive ones like me, have it easy, because we can lean back and let the guys approach us, whereas for him it was always hard work to even get a single date. I always replied that it's not really like that and that being attractive has its own problems, but he then always reminded me of the fact that he had to work really hard to get me to date him, too.
He swears he has only met her one more time (for lunch) after the first encounter, and that he thinks it is not yet an affair. However, he thinks he wants to go forward with her, because, as he put it: "This is the first woman who is genuinely interested in me, I didn't have to text her for three months to get a date or anything. I can't let this pass." (Or something along those lines. My memory is a bit hazy.) The three months refers to the time it took him to get a date with me, btw.
And that is why he says he is breaking up with me. He says it's the right thing to do, because he wants to continue contact with her, but also feels doing that would be emotional cheating and he doesn't want to cheat on my, so he ends it before actually starting something with her.
I feel devastated. I know there's nothing I can do. I want to be mad at him, but I am also mad at myself. I really liked him when we first met - why did I give him a hard time? If I had said what I wanted back then, if I had pursued him instead of playing hard to get, he probably wouldn't be interested in that woman! But I always felt if a woman does that, she shows she's easy and I didn't just wanna get laid, so I thought I must act that way. And now it is biting me in the butt
And I of course am very mad at him, but he didn't even cheat on me. He's behaving exactly the way I always say people should act when they fall in love with someone else! Ugh! I kinda wished he had actually cheated on me with her. That would actually make it easier...Thanks for letting me rant. I don't need advice, I know I'm fucked.
Edit: Holy fuck thisblew up so much! First, thank you all so much for your comments. This is much appreciated.. And also some of you made me really think. I still feel this was unwarranted, and if he was so unhappy he should have told me... but I guess I wasn't as good of a wife as I thought. I didn't really show him that I love him, and why, and didn't put in much effort, and someone said he was starving for attention and I guess that's my fault in a way. Ugh. Still, I think just dropping me like this isn't right.
I managed to get the courage to talk to my BFF, and we'll meet later so I can tell her everything, and she spontaneously will take me out for a spa weekend. I hope I can get my head clear there. I was so scared, but she was not at all condescending, she's the best. I feel like I couldn't have mustered up the courage for that were it not for all your support, so thank you all so much, even the critical ones!
