Today I did nothing, Nothing of any value or purpose. I literally just played video games all day long, I didn't have an issues with OCD today as my thoughts were very contained and I didn't talk to anybody outside of my mother whom I exchanged 4 sentences worth of conversation with. I spent my time alone, i wasn't playing online games which i typically don't play because the only games i find entertaining or either single player or aren't fun with randoms. I woke up 7 hours ago in the afternoon i will go to sleep at about 4 am, not because i want to but because i have to my brain refuses to sleep unless I feel tired. I will soon be appealing for dozens of jobs whom will all reject me by digitally putting my resume in the shredder. I would have loved to do some activities.
This was a good day for me, It really doesn't change. Even before i admitted that i was an incel this has been my life for 6 years since I graduated. Back then my copes were stronger, The good days were more common. Now reality has set in nothing is changing and there is nothing i can do about it, I've added the gym to my regular schedule going almost every other day, but what has changed? nothing i just work out alone anyways, just because i'm around people doesn't make me less lonely.
I now think of normalfags and how they would think of such a day, They'd hate it. They'd hate the fact they can't do anything, that they have no one to hang out with, no one to have sex with, no one to talk with and no one to do activities with. They'd hate not having any money to do anything, it would only take months for them to probably kill themselves if they were in my position, a streak of bad days for them.
Then there are the bad days, my OCD begins to act up and i lose my appetite for video games, the loneilness of having no one begins to consume me. Thoughts of my own death, how my life will end begin taking root. maybe it will be silent or maybe it will be violent. all these different pathways of what's to come all of them ending in misery, either by me dying or going to prison. and then i take look at the world around, i see how much worse it keeps getting. There is no escape the walls are closing in, the culture is dying, the country i live in is dying because it's being invaded, the countries i see a salivation they too are dying but just a slower rate. My only escape my only fantasy that even seems remotely realistic is to wait 40 years for simulations to be vented so i can plug myself in and leave this world forever. These are the kind of days that would destroy a normalfag, yet I continue to survive.
This was a good day for me, It really doesn't change. Even before i admitted that i was an incel this has been my life for 6 years since I graduated. Back then my copes were stronger, The good days were more common. Now reality has set in nothing is changing and there is nothing i can do about it, I've added the gym to my regular schedule going almost every other day, but what has changed? nothing i just work out alone anyways, just because i'm around people doesn't make me less lonely.
I now think of normalfags and how they would think of such a day, They'd hate it. They'd hate the fact they can't do anything, that they have no one to hang out with, no one to have sex with, no one to talk with and no one to do activities with. They'd hate not having any money to do anything, it would only take months for them to probably kill themselves if they were in my position, a streak of bad days for them.
Then there are the bad days, my OCD begins to act up and i lose my appetite for video games, the loneilness of having no one begins to consume me. Thoughts of my own death, how my life will end begin taking root. maybe it will be silent or maybe it will be violent. all these different pathways of what's to come all of them ending in misery, either by me dying or going to prison. and then i take look at the world around, i see how much worse it keeps getting. There is no escape the walls are closing in, the culture is dying, the country i live in is dying because it's being invaded, the countries i see a salivation they too are dying but just a slower rate. My only escape my only fantasy that even seems remotely realistic is to wait 40 years for simulations to be vented so i can plug myself in and leave this world forever. These are the kind of days that would destroy a normalfag, yet I continue to survive.
