TeeHee "My gf lent me her laptop and her messages app popped up. I looked, and I wish I never had. I really need advice"

[Subhuman100]

Avg gf experience in 2024


View: https://www.reddit.com/r/self/comments/1detdme/my_gf_lent_me_her_laptop_and_her_messages_app/

 

[Nanoventor]

Would rather be an incel than a cuck or betabuxx

 

[Balding Subhuman]

The betabuxx deluxe experience.

 

[Gokubro]

She was looing at gigachads

 

[WØLF]

I actually think that's a really important way to reframe the to-break-up-or-not-to-break-up questions.

So many OPs on these subs come at the question like a criminal trial. They're asking "Do I have beyond-a-reasonable-doubt evidence strong enough for it to be okay to break up?", but that shouldn't really be the question.

As you picked up, the key question is just "Do I feel safe with this person? Do I feel like my heart is in safe hands with them?"

Maybe the issue seems trivial (they destroyed a beloved childhood toy they knew OP was attached to, they did a cakesmash OP told them they hated), maybe there's uncertainty (no one will say what happened that drunken night and OP can't prove it, but everything points to they cheated and they're cavalier about OP's concerns), maybe everyone around them is telling them to stay together (because they dismiss OP's hurt, because they don't actually understand what the person did to OP, because OP and partner are 'meant to be together', or because they're terrible friends/family), maybe the partner really didn't mean any harm but can't be trusted not to do it again (addiction, mental health issues, chronically forgetful / reckless / thoughtless / stupid in a way that puts OP at risk).

At the end of the day it just comes down to: if OP no longer feels safe with their partner, no matter the degree of fault the partner is at and even if it's not their fault at all, they should feel okay to leave. Safety is a basic need. Higher ideals come after safety is secured.

And to be clear, you can absolutely fully and completely forgive someone but also know you don't feel safe with them anymore. Keeping your distance doesn't have to be anything to do with punishment. It can just be necessary if you don't feel safe with them.

^ We can't ignore the reality that the perceptions of family and friends can be important in some breakups, and then it might be necessary to formulate a stronger case. But for a lot of OPs it seems they feel like they need this kind of evidence just to give themselves permission to leave.

 

[opioidcel]

I actually think that's a really important way to reframe the to-break-up-or-not-to-break-up questions.

So many OPs on these subs come at the question like a criminal trial. They're asking "Do I have beyond-a-reasonable-doubt evidence strong enough for it to be okay to break up?", but that shouldn't really be the question.

As you picked up, the key question is just "Do I feel safe with this person? Do I feel like my heart is in safe hands with them?"

Maybe the issue seems trivial (they destroyed a beloved childhood toy they knew OP was attached to, they did a cakesmash OP told them they hated), maybe there's uncertainty (no one will say what happened that drunken night and OP can't prove it, but everything points to they cheated and they're cavalier about OP's concerns), maybe everyone around them is telling them to stay together (because they dismiss OP's hurt, because they don't actually understand what the person did to OP, because OP and partner are 'meant to be together', or because they're terrible friends/family), maybe the partner really didn't mean any harm but can't be trusted not to do it again (addiction, mental health issues, chronically forgetful / reckless / thoughtless / stupid in a way that puts OP at risk).

At the end of the day it just comes down to: if OP no longer feels safe with their partner, no matter the degree of fault the partner is at and even if it's not their fault at all, they should feel okay to leave. Safety is a basic need. Higher ideals come after safety is secured.

And to be clear, you can absolutely fully and completely forgive someone but also know you don't feel safe with them anymore. Keeping your distance doesn't have to be anything to do with punishment. It can just be necessary if you don't feel safe with them.

^ We can't ignore the reality that the perceptions of family and friends can be important in some breakups, and then it might be necessary to formulate a stronger case. But for a lot of OPs it seems they feel like they need this kind of evidence just to give themselves permission to leave.

As a former, very immature person who was a frequent cheater, this is true. It took a lot for me to grow as a person (for me personally, it was mostly my faith/religion) and I look back on who I used to be and am disgusted and truly ashamed. I am glad that I used those bad times to grow and become who I am today though. I can use my past experiences to speak to people about my mistakes and guide them away from the same mistakes. I could never tell a friend to cheat on their partner.

I also promised myself (and God, since I do rely heavily on my faith today) that I would never enter into a committed relationship again unless I truly believed I was done with those immature, horrible characteristics of mine. Fortunately, once I made that promise, I immediately realized how scummy I was, and I changed drastically instantaneously. Once that decision to be a better person was made, I never looked back. I have never once even been remotely tempted to cheat again. Plenty of opportunity if I really wanted to, but never even crosses my mind. And I'm proud to say that even if someone approached me and tried to tempt me, I wouldn't even consider it.

 

[lazy_gamer_423]

Would rather be an incel than a cuck or betabuxx

 

[BlueCore]

Why I want nothing to do with modern women

Besides possible pump and dump

 

[ItsovERfucks]

Would rather be an incel than a cuck or betabuxx

 

[ItsovERfucks]

Why I want nothing to do with modern women

Besides possible pump and dump

Same

 

[Friezacel]

He is a cuck for not immidiatetly leaving her

 

[K1ng N0th1ng]

and she lied like she had every time I asked.

If you have to frequently check her loyalty just fucking end it already.

 

[abhiteshkumar]

suddenly being an incel doesnt sound that bad

 

[abhiteshkumar]

suddenly being an incel doesnt sound that bad

 

[dead.ahead]

That's what happens when you try to get comfortable with women.

 

[abajojo]

this is what waits for you if you ever do ascend

 

[Namtriz912]

"This isn't happening you can't do this to me" will be this fool's catchphrase once he gets married.

 

[kay']

He should rope

 

[wastedcodeine]

Would rather be an incel than a cuck or betabuxx

 

[TheJester]

Bro got cucked and still incel-shames. DISGUSTING.

 

[Isaac Newton]

Would rather be an incel than a cuck or betabuxx

 

[lifeisfucked215]

Guys needs to have some self respect and fucking dump her. Can't believe he's having second thoughts about this. She will eventually cheat on and cuck him, he will be devastated.

 

[lifeisfucked215]

Issa evil world we live in

 

[lifeisfucked215]

These type of whores deserve severe beatings

 

[lifeisfucked215]

He should rope

Based

 

[Emba]

He should drag her behind his automobile tied to a rope

 

[EpedaBIGDICKENERGY]

and I wish I never had.

Cuck detected.

P.S. I don't need advice from incels. If you're just here to bash women, take your advice elsewhere.

I do not feel bad for him at all