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Food and entertainment generally make people smile, yes. Moderation makes you value them more. If I were you, I would combine "entertainment" with "hobby" - entertain yourself with something that overlaps. Try playing something like Kerbal Space Program that's both a game and a gateway into something else - rocketry, in the case of KSP. Try to addict yourself to a hobby. Stop skipping classes. If me telling you to do so is the only reason you do so, I don't care, so long as you stop skipping classes. Think of homework as poison, or lactic acid - you need to purge it as quickly as possible before it builds up and destroys you. Stop staying up until 2 to 5. It literally kills you over time, slowly. Set standards for yourself, even if they're on a weekly basis. Roll your going-to-bed time back by an hour per week. You will start feeling better, you will stop having cravings for junk food (going to bed so late messes up multiple body functions and chemical balances), and you will function better school-wise. Even if your mother "wouldn't understand", she'd be concerned about you enough to refer you to someone who can help you, and she'd be devastated if you died. I'm glad to hear that you're having second thoughts about killing yourself. Suicide survivors recount that they usually only have those after they've done something like jumped off a bridge. There's a lot more hope for you in this case. I'm not having a good night because you're not having a good night. I really hate to use the term "struggle" when it comes to depression. It makes it personal, like people who are depressed are somehow personally responsible for some stupidly idealized kind of "valiant effort" to defeat their own brain. You aren't in a "struggle" with depression, which you clearly have, by the way. You're fighting an extermination war against your depression - either you win or it wins, and the win condition is the complete annihilation of the other combatant. Earlier bedtimes are bullets. Self-improvement is gas. Getting into contact with a psychologist is the equivalent of a thermonuclear saturation bombardment. Don't get angry about yourself over your depression - *hate* your depression. Loathe *it*, not *yourself*. They are separate things. Imagine that your depression is the most contemptible, vile, hateful, bigoted person imaginable, and everything you do to drag yourself away from suicide is a brick to that person's face. u/Dark_Sapo wants you to die. If you die, **he wins**. Live to spite him and show him that he has no power over others. If nothing else, live in hatred of the vile people that advocate suicide and mass murder, but *live*. Don't destroy yourself. You're not some defective product. You're a human being, and, as far as I can tell, a good one at that."
That's 4thDevilsAdvocate for ya!
Food and entertainment generally make people smile, yes. Moderation makes you value them more. If I were you, I would combine "entertainment" with "hobby" - entertain yourself with something that overlaps. Try playing something like Kerbal Space Program that's both a game and a gateway into something else - rocketry, in the case of KSP. Try to addict yourself to a hobby. Stop skipping classes. If me telling you to do so is the only reason you do so, I don't care, so long as you stop skipping classes. Think of homework as poison, or lactic acid - you need to purge it as quickly as possible before it builds up and destroys you. Stop staying up until 2 to 5. It literally kills you over time, slowly. Set standards for yourself, even if they're on a weekly basis. Roll your going-to-bed time back by an hour per week. You will start feeling better, you will stop having cravings for junk food (going to bed so late messes up multiple body functions and chemical balances), and you will function better school-wise. Even if your mother "wouldn't understand", she'd be concerned about you enough to refer you to someone who can help you, and she'd be devastated if you died. I'm glad to hear that you're having second thoughts about killing yourself. Suicide survivors recount that they usually only have those after they've done something like jumped off a bridge. There's a lot more hope for you in this case. I'm not having a good night because you're not having a good night. I really hate to use the term "struggle" when it comes to depression. It makes it personal, like people who are depressed are somehow personally responsible for some stupidly idealized kind of "valiant effort" to defeat their own brain. You aren't in a "struggle" with depression, which you clearly have, by the way. You're fighting an extermination war against your depression - either you win or it wins, and the win condition is the complete annihilation of the other combatant. Earlier bedtimes are bullets. Self-improvement is gas. Getting into contact with a psychologist is the equivalent of a thermonuclear saturation bombardment. Don't get angry about yourself over your depression - *hate* your depression. Loathe *it*, not *yourself*. They are separate things. Imagine that your depression is the most contemptible, vile, hateful, bigoted person imaginable, and everything you do to drag yourself away from suicide is a brick to that person's face. u/Dark_Sapo wants you to die. If you die, **he wins**. Live to spite him and show him that he has no power over others. If nothing else, live in hatred of the vile people that advocate suicide and mass murder, but *live*. Don't destroy yourself. You're not some defective product. You're a human being, and, as far as I can tell, a good one at that."
That's 4thDevilsAdvocate for ya!
