Nights like tonight are just devastating for me, no matter what I do I can't shake the sadness from the reality of the life I live, I'll never fall in love with somebody and grow old with them, I'll never have kids of my own. I'll never any real friends, I'll never be able to trust anybody ever. I'll spilled my soul to so many people just for them to use it against me.
I'm a failure, I tried so hard to be better but it was never enough. I got the job only to find out how disposable I really am. Now i'm back to get rejected thousands of times, I have no passion for a career and I don't want to go back to school ever. I don't know what I want to do and I don't even remember ever wanting a career. Yet still I tried, My efforts were never enough.
I'm 25 and people will still try to gaslight me into saying my life just started, They said that when I was 24, 23, 22, 21 and 20 but nothing has ever changed no matter how hard I try. I've tried to get into good shape but I'm not even close to having a muscular body, I just don't have the willpower to eat what I need to get there, No when I don't have anybody to get into that shape for, Not when can't be sure I'll always have the money for the gym and food I need.
The worst part is knowing that some of this is my fault, I could have be in a better place but I just lack the willpower do so. Sure Society has played it's role in putting me in this position but I could fought harder to stop it. I know regardless of what I do I will never have a woman sincerely love me like they do in the media I consume, The best I could ever wish for was a woman that wanted me for my money and that's if I put myself into a better place.
No action feels like I will change the course of what looks to be my destiny, The prince of a bunch of losers.
