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Venting Meaningless life

Overmaxxer

Overmaxxer

Recruit
★★★
Joined
Aug 28, 2024
Posts
235
I just finished high school. For years I kept telling myself that once it was over, I’d finally be free from the constant mental torture and the classrooms filled with idiots who only knew how to laugh at people like me. No more exams, no more having to breathe the same air as those walking garbage bins who called themselves my classmates. But guess what? Nothing changed. Absolutely nothing. I still hate myself. I still feel like a freak for never having lived, never having touched, kissed, loved, or even truly spoken to anyone without feeling like a burden or a joke. That sense of rot inside me Is still here. The emptiness is worse than ever. And the worst part? I graduated with a higher score than some of the pieces of shit who made my life hell. And yet here I am, locked in my room, wasting away, while they’re out there living, fucking, laughing, adding memories to their perfect little teenager years. People tell me I should be proud. Proud of what? Beating a bunch of braindead normies at some meaningless test? What does that give me? They get the world handed to them, no matter how dumb or cruel they are.
 
Life will always be a meaningless hell hole, i'd get used to it fast
 
High school never ends
 
it doesn't get better, sadly.
 
someone told me hope means “hold on, pain ends” its all a lie , im pretty used to it now though
 
u didn't join underaged ur a fakecel
 
But guess what? Nothing changed. Absolutely nothing. I still hate myself. I still feel like a freak for never having lived, never having touched, kissed, loved, or even truly spoken to anyone without feeling like a burden or a joke. That sense of rot inside me Is still here. The emptiness is worse than ever.
This is what I've been living with since my university graduation many many years ago. It never goes away, and in fact can get worse. This is because we failed to carve out a place for ourselves in this world. We failed to meet our developmental goals so nature tries to constantly purge us from the system.
 
last time i went to school was 3 years ago i still have nightmares about that, anxiety attacks about those moments
 
graduated with a higher score than some of the pieces of shit who made my life hell. And yet here I am, locked in my room, wasting away, while they’re out there living, fucking, laughing, adding memories to their perfect little teenager years. People tell me I should be proud. Proud of what? Beating a bunch of braindead normies at some meaningless test? What does that give me? They get the world handed to them, no matter how dumb or cruel they are.
This is because our genetics are such that they force us to over-invest in academics but life success requires success in all areas. Failure to meet social developmental goals at the right time because of our single-minded focus in one area of life makes us fall behind in life overall.
 

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