I've been coping with my height for 11 years now.
11 years, I've been questioning how much my past has damaged my growth. But no answers so far.
Technically, I'll never know how much.
But what I do know that according to our science, sleep deprivation and depression that I suffered can heavily impact growth.
I also do know that from my sisters' and father's height, I should have been at least 4" taller than I'm now. And that being conservative.
So perhaps I'll just spare myself pain by concluding that I've stunted 2"-4". Because of I'm tried of questioning it furthermore.
And yes, that does cost me everything. No sugarcoating, no denying it. I'm at the height where even an inch more would make a great difference, let alone 2"-4".
But probably it doesn't have to be the end of everything.
I mean I wish I was born to supportive parents, lived a good stress-free childhood/teenage years, to grow well. But in life things went wrong.
In Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne didn't have to lose their parents had he not want to leave the opera.
Al Pacino and Mark Wahlberg started smoking at an early age. Young Tom Cruise suffered from poverty.
There's a minority of children that was just not privileged, like me.
It's not different from people who lost a body part off some stupid unnecessary accident.
Heath Ledger died just because of drugs overdose, which is also unnecessary if I think about it.
But at least, now I have a life story, I have something that I can remember and my height will always remind me of it.
My height has caused so much anger in me. Perhaps I can use this monster inside me to do things that the 5'10" normal version of me couldn't have done.
I can use this monster to fight the whole world. I've never really been a part of society, anyway. So I don't really need height to feel adequate. Because I'm in a whole another dimension.
It's funny when I remember that when I was 16, at 5'4", I wanted to be 6'2" but then I never even managed to reach 5'7".
11 years, I've been questioning how much my past has damaged my growth. But no answers so far.
Technically, I'll never know how much.
But what I do know that according to our science, sleep deprivation and depression that I suffered can heavily impact growth.
I also do know that from my sisters' and father's height, I should have been at least 4" taller than I'm now. And that being conservative.
So perhaps I'll just spare myself pain by concluding that I've stunted 2"-4". Because of I'm tried of questioning it furthermore.
And yes, that does cost me everything. No sugarcoating, no denying it. I'm at the height where even an inch more would make a great difference, let alone 2"-4".
But probably it doesn't have to be the end of everything.
I mean I wish I was born to supportive parents, lived a good stress-free childhood/teenage years, to grow well. But in life things went wrong.
In Batman Begins, Bruce Wayne didn't have to lose their parents had he not want to leave the opera.
Al Pacino and Mark Wahlberg started smoking at an early age. Young Tom Cruise suffered from poverty.
There's a minority of children that was just not privileged, like me.
It's not different from people who lost a body part off some stupid unnecessary accident.
Heath Ledger died just because of drugs overdose, which is also unnecessary if I think about it.
But at least, now I have a life story, I have something that I can remember and my height will always remind me of it.
My height has caused so much anger in me. Perhaps I can use this monster inside me to do things that the 5'10" normal version of me couldn't have done.
I can use this monster to fight the whole world. I've never really been a part of society, anyway. So I don't really need height to feel adequate. Because I'm in a whole another dimension.
It's funny when I remember that when I was 16, at 5'4", I wanted to be 6'2" but then I never even managed to reach 5'7".
