Brutal Lost

[Misogynist Vegeta]

I don't know who I am anymore, I have a name but I'm not sure if I like it or not. I'm not sure If I like myself anymore and not sure what i'm doing. I'm indecisive on almost everything and I don't know what I should be doing or what I want to be doing. I know what I am right now but is it the man I want to be? I'm not sure. Do I change my name or keep it I don't know. I wish I had the answers, I wish I knew what I "liked" so I could be it but I just don't know. I feel so lost and I don't know where I'm going. I know where I physical am and I know why I am here and I remember most of the decisions that got me here I know why I made them but now I don't know where to go now, What to do or what to be.

You may be wondering what I am even going on about here, I don't even understand it myself. It's so hard to understand and even if I did understand it I wouldn't be able to put into words to make others understand it.

 

[anon65]

Every day I lose a piece of my past self. I have been so drained and busy recently that I haven't touched a lot of my hobbies for a year or more. I used to love skiing, riding longboard, doing urbex, etc.

Now I just do what is required of me because I am too tired, and I'm afraid I will never have enough energy and time to do what I want ever again.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

I'm afraid I will never have enough energy and time to do what I want ever again.

Even with the energy I am afraid to do anything significant because I will have to attach myself to it, a name that I don't even know if I like or not. Everytime I try to come up with alternatives I find myself in the same dilemma. This place is the only place where I feel like the name fits.

 

[anon65]

Even with the energy I am afraid to do anything significant because I will have to attach myself to it, a name that I don't even know if I like or not. Everytime I try to come up with alternatives I find myself in the same dilemma. This place is the only place where I feel like the name fits.

DM me if you want. RN I would suggest keeping your name the same or just having a nickname to your legal name because name changing is a PITA. Unless of course you were cursed by your parents with a really bad name.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

DM me if you want. RN I would suggest keeping your name the same or just having a nickname to your legal name because name changing is a PITA. Unless of course you were cursed by your parents with a really bad name.

There is nothing wrong, My brain just tells me sometimes that I shouldn't like it, I just can't make a decision.

 

[anon65]

There is nothing wrong, My brain just tells me sometimes that I shouldn't like it, I just can't make a decision.

I don't personally like my name that much but I just can't focus on it. If you stop thinking about it, it isn't a problem really. If you focus on anything in your life too much you will find negative aspects about it.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

I don't personally like my name that much but I just can't focus on it. If you stop thinking about it, it isn't a problem really. If you focus on anything in your life too much you will find negative aspects about it.

I can't stop thinking about it, I have OCD.

 

[anon65]

I can't stop thinking about it, I have OCD.

I guess you need to find something else to hyperfocus on then, bro. Like grinding a video game, building/making something, literally anything that tricks your brain to forget about these things.

 

[The Supreme Goyim]

Every day I lose a piece of my past self. I have been so drained and busy recently that I haven't touched a lot of my hobbies for a year or more. I used to love skiing, riding longboard, doing urbex, etc.

Now I just do what is required of me because I am too tired, and I'm afraid I will never have enough energy and time to do what I want ever again.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

I guess you need to find something else to hyperfocus on then, bro. Like grinding a video game, building/making something, literally anything that tricks your brain to forget about these things.

I sometimes manage to do that but the thoughts always come back.

 

[anon65]

I sometimes manage to do that but the thoughts always come back.

If you have bluetooth headphones or earbuds just listen to stuff all day when you're at home. That will distract your mind or at least make it a lot harder to focus on one thing, at least for me.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

If you have bluetooth headphones or earbuds just listen to stuff all day when you're at home. That will distract your mind or at least make it a lot harder to focus on one thing, at least for me.

I don't know why but even when doing stuff my mind hyper focuses on these thoughts about my own name, doesn't help that alot the stuff we do these days requires you to put your name in it.

 

[anon65]

I don't know why but even when doing stuff my mind hyper focuses on these thoughts about my own name, doesn't help that alot the stuff we do these days requires you to put your name in it.

Well I hope you can find something to distract you or put your mind at ease. Good night, I gtg.

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

Well I hope you can find something to distract you or put your mind at ease. Good night, I gtg.

I can but it's never permanent, I just wish I could relax.

 

[Eternatus]

I get it man, I have those crises too. Why am I not climbing to the top of Shangai tower now? Why am I not installing cybernetic upgrades in a underground lab through a deepweb invitation? Why don’t I live in my frutiger aero utopia where Im some sort of overqualified phd computer engineer in Finland transforming my life with code? Or on a more daily personal level, how do I choose to use my days?

Am I supposed to take a bus and go to the closest mountain to enjoy snow? Am I supposed to quit this retarded dead end job that pays me like shit and risk it by finding some other enslavement elsewhere?
Am I supposed to hyperfixate into a internet rabbithole, or series, content, am I missing out? Is there something more to do that I didn’t see that’s fundamental to say “there it is, this is what I was always supposed to do, heres my form, what I envisioned, my novelty, my tale, lore, destiny.”?

I tell you the real shit u are afraid to admit to yourself, it’s painful, but it’s gonna make you feel better afterwards:

You are your own customized iteration of false hopes, hallucinations, dreams, and magical thinking, trapped in an empty shell of decaying organic flesh, living two lives at the same time that are alienated from each other.

One is your fantasy scenario projected into an unrealizable, inconsistent future, where you’re the full protagonist and star of your own dimension. The other is everyday life: slow, collapsing in on itself, disillusioned, grinding, humiliating, anticlimactic.

You’ll most likely grow old like a dog. You look at old people and think that won’t be you, that your ending will be legendary, transformative, almost cinematic. But it’s far more likely you’ll feel stuck at the starting line, that you’ll live the same life you’re living now, and you’ll be the same miserable person, lost in your consciousness trips and paranoid delusions.

That’s what life offers. We’re sold every day this dream where we’re in control, free to shape our destiny, but that’s not how it works, and slowly we’re learning it.

Fight Club was good for something after all.

I created this image from a 4chan post back then

 

[Eternatus]

I get it man, I have those crises too. Why am I not climbing to the top of Shangai tower now? Why am I not installing cybernetic upgrades in a underground lab through a deepweb invitation? Why don’t I live in my frutiger aero utopia where Im some sort of overqualified phd computer engineer in Finland transforming my life with code? Or on a more daily personal level, how do I choose to use my days?

Am I supposed to take a bus and go to the closest mountain to enjoy snow? Am I supposed to quit this retarded dead end jobs that pays me like shit and risk it by finding some other enslavement elsewhere?
Am I supposed to hyperfixate into a internet rabbithole, or series, content, am I missing out? Is there something more to do that I didn’t see that’s fundamental to say “there it is, this is what I was always supposed to do, heres my form, what I envisioned, my novelty, my tale, lore, destiny.

I tell you the real shit u are afraid to admit to yourself, it’s painful, but it’s gonna make you feel better afterwards:

You are your own customized iteration of false hopes, hallucinations, dreams, and magical thinking, trapped in an empty shell of decaying organic flesh, living two lives at the same time that are alienated from each other.

One is your fantasy scenario projected into an unrealizable, inconsistent future, where you’re the full protagonist and star of your own dimension. The other is everyday life: slow, collapsing in on itself, disillusioned, grinding, humiliating, anticlimactic.

You’ll most likely grow old like a dog. You look at old people and think that won’t be you, that your ending will be legendary, transformative, almost cinematic. But it’s far more likely you’ll feel stuck at the starting line, that you’ll live the same life you’re living now, and you’ll be the same miserable person, lost in your consciousness trips and paranoid delusions.

That’s what life offers. We’re sold every day this dream where we’re in control, free to shape our destiny, but that’s not how it works, and slowly we’re learning it.

Fight Club was good for something after all.

I created this image from a 4chan post back then

View attachment 1656158

I wrote so much that Im considering making my own thread out of this maybe later

 

[Misogynist Vegeta]

I get it man, I have those crises too. Why am I not climbing to the top of Shangai tower now? Why am I not installing cybernetic upgrades in a underground lab through a deepweb invitation? Why don’t I live in my frutiger aero utopia where Im some sort of overqualified phd computer engineer in Finland transforming my life with code? Or on a more daily personal level, how do I choose to use my days?

Am I supposed to take a bus and go to the closest mountain to enjoy snow? Am I supposed to quit this retarded dead end job that pays me like shit and risk it by finding some other enslavement elsewhere?
Am I supposed to hyperfixate into a internet rabbithole, or series, content, am I missing out? Is there something more to do that I didn’t see that’s fundamental to say “there it is, this is what I was always supposed to do, heres my form, what I envisioned, my novelty, my tale, lore, destiny.”?

I tell you the real shit u are afraid to admit to yourself, it’s painful, but it’s gonna make you feel better afterwards:

You are your own customized iteration of false hopes, hallucinations, dreams, and magical thinking, trapped in an empty shell of decaying organic flesh, living two lives at the same time that are alienated from each other.

One is your fantasy scenario projected into an unrealizable, inconsistent future, where you’re the full protagonist and star of your own dimension. The other is everyday life: slow, collapsing in on itself, disillusioned, grinding, humiliating, anticlimactic.

You’ll most likely grow old like a dog. You look at old people and think that won’t be you, that your ending will be legendary, transformative, almost cinematic. But it’s far more likely you’ll feel stuck at the starting line, that you’ll live the same life you’re living now, and you’ll be the same miserable person, lost in your consciousness trips and paranoid delusions.

That’s what life offers. We’re sold every day this dream where we’re in control, free to shape our destiny, but that’s not how it works, and slowly we’re learning it.

Fight Club was good for something after all.

I created this image from a 4chan post back then

View attachment 1656158

It's not really about what I am missing out on, and it's not about not being a rich chad. I just seem to lack a sense of self.

 

[Eternatus]

It's not really about what I am missing out on, and it's not about not being a rich chad. I just seem to lack a sense of self.

I understand, and its difficult to word it correctly. But if it’s “feeling incompetent” to life you might just be autistic and that’s it, like I am.

Even knowing if you should get the metal version of a credit card, what activities should you take on in the 24hrs, whats the next good decision, well, that’s something a nd individual cannot figure out unfortunately. Our whole life is a bet.

 

[Caichan]

I need to drink

 

[autisticsoy]

Same I dont know what I want or who I am besides the superficial liking of food. Everyday I waste time since my self is like a car with no engine the core parts of what makes a person is just not there and I dont go anywhere at all.