H
The mocking, teasing and social exclusion I experienced as a child, coupled with the lack of any meaningful social interaction in teenage years has left me afraid of interacting with kids and younger teens. As a kid, I only felt safe around adults because they usually showed me some form of kindness, unlike my peers. I benefited from the fact that adults generally see children as innocent beings in need of support. I still sometimes rely upon something similar today; I avoid telling people my age so that they won't be as judgemental of me (as I look quite young).
I used to think that as I grew older, I would become the kind of person I saw in those adults. I believed that all this was just a silly phase, and I'd outgrow it and become normal. But I never really matured in the way I hoped; I'm still stuck with the mind of a 13-year-old but with some "adult-like" thoughts mixed in. You might notice that my writing appears somewhat childish – this is partly due to this (and poor English I guess). My mental development has been stunted drastically ever since I withdrew from socializing since my teens.
As I got older, the expectation of course shifted: I was supposed to act more mature, like when I'm around children. I was supposed to know how to interact with them. But after years of isolation and mental stagnation, I'm completely unable to connect with children even. In fact, they make me feel like shit, socially mogging me in every aspect, and when I was younger they made me feel like they were taking care of me. Children nowadays often give me weird stares and want me to get away from them. I especially feel nervous around girls, as girls were literally repulsed by me growing up. I know these kids think I'm fucking retarded and are annoyed by my prescence. There are a bunch of other things as well which I don't know how to describe. Interacting with kids feels oddly similar too what I experienced growing up.
Luckily, I don't really have to see kids much anymore. The one advantage of becoming an adult is that nobody can force you to do shit. If I want to LDAR home in my room I can do it, so long as I've fulfilled my few duties for the day. Still very suifuel when I do go out and for some reason have to see them. I could go on and on about my mental immaturity in other aspects of my life, but this is probably enough for this shit post.
(not sure if I got my point across in this post, Brutal low-IQ pill).
TL;DR: Social isolation has made me mentally stagnated, and now I'm unable to interact with kids properly.
I used to think that as I grew older, I would become the kind of person I saw in those adults. I believed that all this was just a silly phase, and I'd outgrow it and become normal. But I never really matured in the way I hoped; I'm still stuck with the mind of a 13-year-old but with some "adult-like" thoughts mixed in. You might notice that my writing appears somewhat childish – this is partly due to this (and poor English I guess). My mental development has been stunted drastically ever since I withdrew from socializing since my teens.
As I got older, the expectation of course shifted: I was supposed to act more mature, like when I'm around children. I was supposed to know how to interact with them. But after years of isolation and mental stagnation, I'm completely unable to connect with children even. In fact, they make me feel like shit, socially mogging me in every aspect, and when I was younger they made me feel like they were taking care of me. Children nowadays often give me weird stares and want me to get away from them. I especially feel nervous around girls, as girls were literally repulsed by me growing up. I know these kids think I'm fucking retarded and are annoyed by my prescence. There are a bunch of other things as well which I don't know how to describe. Interacting with kids feels oddly similar too what I experienced growing up.
Luckily, I don't really have to see kids much anymore. The one advantage of becoming an adult is that nobody can force you to do shit. If I want to LDAR home in my room I can do it, so long as I've fulfilled my few duties for the day. Still very suifuel when I do go out and for some reason have to see them. I could go on and on about my mental immaturity in other aspects of my life, but this is probably enough for this shit post.
(not sure if I got my point across in this post, Brutal low-IQ pill).
TL;DR: Social isolation has made me mentally stagnated, and now I'm unable to interact with kids properly.
. THese kids are experiencing everything I missed out on anyway. No way of cathing up now.
