Today was one of my "friend's" 22nd birthdays. When he invited me out to celebrate with my old college squad I was happy for an opportunity to socialize. After all, whenever I complain about social isolation the response is always the same: "Just reach out bro". The party was at a house lived in by 3 of my other supposed "friends". When I got there, we made Steaks. I was not allowed to help with cooking because of several incidents that show I am a complete retard in the kitchen. Further, they did not let me drink because of an incident 2 years ago in which I had almost jumped off of a balcony while drunk. They were sure to remind me of this, insult my family and discuss other humiliating stories such as when I got scammed for $1600 at a Strip Club in the city. The next stage was intellectual discussions and debates which the others partook in while drunk. Whenever I tried to enter I was told to shut the fuck up because I am an autistic retard. Thus, I was almost completely silent for the entire hour even though they occasionally shifted the conversation to be about me. When they drove me back home, they continued talking and I was also not allowed to join in then either.
To make matters worse, I misspoke and gave the driver incorrect directions back to my house, causing them to laugh about how I was wrong "on so many levels". When we finally got to my place, the driver told me to "get the fuck out" and the others drove off to drink more. Guess who is doing better professionally? The bullies: they are stars of involvement and achievement with their study programs and theses while I am a retard who has never had an internship. Right when I got to my room I PUNCHED myself in the face as hard as I could 3 times and hardly felt anything. It was just a distraction from the social pain. I hate my essence. I just want to fucking obliterate everything I ever was: just take a shard of glass and start cutting.
Oh and did I mention that my oneitis is dating someone named Tyree? He is an active gang member and could kill me with a hand signal if I so much as looked at him wrong. AND my oneitis knows of my self-professed love for her so she can tell him whenever she wants. I found out two days ago on Facebook. It's literally a matter of time before I jump from someplace high. Natural selection.
To make matters worse, I misspoke and gave the driver incorrect directions back to my house, causing them to laugh about how I was wrong "on so many levels". When we finally got to my place, the driver told me to "get the fuck out" and the others drove off to drink more. Guess who is doing better professionally? The bullies: they are stars of involvement and achievement with their study programs and theses while I am a retard who has never had an internship. Right when I got to my room I PUNCHED myself in the face as hard as I could 3 times and hardly felt anything. It was just a distraction from the social pain. I hate my essence. I just want to fucking obliterate everything I ever was: just take a shard of glass and start cutting.
Oh and did I mention that my oneitis is dating someone named Tyree? He is an active gang member and could kill me with a hand signal if I so much as looked at him wrong. AND my oneitis knows of my self-professed love for her so she can tell him whenever she wants. I found out two days ago on Facebook. It's literally a matter of time before I jump from someplace high. Natural selection.
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