P
I've been a misogynist since middle school when my mom had an affair and broke our family apart. I've never seen an ounce of good in women, I thought they were airhead brainless mean-spirited slut bitches. I grew up with my best friend who was cute so he slayed any girl he wanted right after meeting them. I've always known that looks mattered. I knew that money mattered. I had nothing, I was poor and ugly, so I found one excuse after another as to why women showed no interest in me. I thought, "I could get a girlfriend if I really tried, but I don't want to because fuck these bitches." Now I'm in good shape, I have a good job, I've learned to filter myself and treat people with kindness and respect. I have everything I thought I needed and women still show zero interest in me. Now that I'm actually trying, I'm facing the rejection that I always feared. Getting in better shape (I still have a long ways to go) gave me confidence so I took some pictures of myself for the first time in 12 years (I have horrible self-esteem and looking at myself usually makes me want to vomit) and actually thought I looked like an average guy, maybe even kind of good. Instead, I have women laughing at me to my face and actually insulting me based on my appearance. They don't even give me a chance to get to know them because I'm not an alpha Chad. They literally want nothing to do with average men. At best we're invisible, at worst we're cockroaches to be exterminated. Coming on this website and reading the articles and stats makes me sick to my stomach. I want to throw up or lay down and just cry. I was happy by myself, but now that I've been trying to find a companion and been cast to the wayside I feel the weight of loneliness crushing me. My dad was a meth addict and went to prison, my step-dad was an abusive asshole. I've always felt like there was something fundamentally wrong with me that made it so I wasn't good enough for anyone, like I didn't deserve to have friends or family or a girlfriend. This is bringing all those feelings back to the surface, I feel like I'm truly scum. All my struggles to get to this point in my life have been meaningless, my life is empty.
