Soystein
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A bunch of heightpills here, nothing new for us, but published in a mainstream publication (the world's best newspaper).
www.dailymail.co.uk
Women tell Tracey Cox why they refuse to date short men
British relationship expert Tracey Cox speaks to women about their experiences of dating short men.
You don’t have to look far to find a short man who has ‘done well for himself’, but hanging over him is usually the caveat that it’s all happened ‘despite’ his height.
These men are celebrated as ‘short kings’ – diminutive men who can land attractive women and good jobs because they have the confidence of a tall man.
But whatever short men achieve, their height never goes unnoticed. Height bias is a very real problem in the UK and other western countries and it’s having a devastating effect on men.
They’re driven to sign up for expensive and painful leg-lengthening surgery: this isn’t about vanity; it’s a desperate measure born from a quiet crisis.
Others report having suicidal thoughts.
Men under 5ft 8” are fighting a seemingly unwinnable battle against a relentless foe: female height preference.
I talked to both men and women to find out why it exists.
Dating apps don’t lie
Let’s do the research first. Is ‘heightism’ real?
Nearly 50 per cent of women on apps prefer to date men who are taller than them, preferably 6ft or above. Men who tick this box get 40 percent more matches across all dating apps. Yet the average height of a man in the UK and US is 5ft 9 (or 175cm).
Many women don’t consider men under 5ft 8 as fish in the sea. To them, they’re swimming in different waters. The man is the shorter partner in only four percent of heterosexual pairings in the US.
It’s not us, it’s evolution
For many women, height isn’t just a physical trait, it’s a psychological benchmark.
Why do a few extra inches matter so much?
It seems shallow but wanting a tall man is deeply ingrained social and evolutionary programming.
Women say they feel ‘safer’ with a taller man. Protected. Standing next to someone bigger than you triggers a subconscious sense of security. It’s an ancient instinct, a nod to a time when men fought off wild animals and physical protection was paramount.
Taller men are also a status symbol. They’ve always been perceived as more successful, attractive and desirable. Being seen with a taller guy reflects your pulling power.
Short man syndrome
It doesn’t help that some research suggests ‘short man syndrome’ is a problem. That those of a smaller stature are wired to be hot-tempered to compensate for their height. “He was always trying to prove himself,” was a common comment from women who had dated men shorter than them.
But can you blame them? The supposed inferiority complexes and low confidence come from constantly being overlooked for a less handsome, less successful and less genuine but taller man.
Statistics show short men often make better husbands.
They marry late but, once they do, they tend to stay married longer and stay happily married.
So why aren’t women snapping them up?
WHY WOMEN WON’T DATE SHORT MEN
In defence of women, a lot said they found it distasteful the way women talk about short men. “There’s not much you can do about being born short,’ one woman said. Then added, “But I still wouldn’t date a short guy.”
Here's a snapshot of the reasons women told me.
Short men don’t make me feel feminine
'My first boyfriend was shorter than me. It didn’t worry me then – we were friends long before we became lovers. There’s less judgement at university: any kind of discrimination is frowned upon. His height simply didn’t register with me. I remember the first time I introduced him to a work friend when we were both out in the real world. She was friendly enough but when he left, she crinkled her nose, looked me in the eye and said, ‘I just couldn’t do that. I really admire you for being able to do it, but I couldn’t'.
‘Do what?’, I asked her. ‘Go short,’ she replied. I was shocked and told her other things were far more important to me than height. But it got to me and the more I looked around, the pretty, successful women were always with taller men. We probably would have broken up anyway but I’m ashamed to say his height was the main reason for me. I felt embarrassed out in public with him.
'My current boyfriend is very tall. When he hugs me, I disappear into him. I’m physically enveloped and protected. Nothing can harm me when I’m in his arms. I still feel guilty about what I did but it makes me feel more feminine being with a tall guy'.
I’d rather be alone forever than date a short man
'It’s the one thing I will not compromise on. I know it sounds superficial, but I can’t get past it. All the single women I know disqualify men on that one feature alone. The man could be kind, look great, be successful and funny. But without height, they won’t get a look in.
Plus, every short man I have ever met has also had quite an over-the-top personality. The Napoleon complex is very real'.
Even woke women make jokes about small men
'It’s funny that on social media, even socially correct women get away with having a go at short men. My friend says it’s because women have been judged on their looks and weight by men all their lives, so we shouldn’t feel guilty. There are primitive, evolutionary reasons that draw us to tall men, so it’s not really our fault'.
Short men belittled me because I was tall
'I’m 5ft 10. I don’t have an issue dating men shorter than me – but they do. When I was at school, the shorter boys would call me ‘Lurch’ and ask me what the view was like ‘up there’. As I got older, short men could be belittling.
'They’d ask me if I struggled to get a guy being ‘too tall’. One man I went out with who was two inches shorter than me used to ask me to sit down rather than stand a bar with him. I was only allowed to wear flat shoes. I’m married now (to a six-footer) but over the years short men have made me feel less of a woman for being tall'.
If he’s attractive and still single, you know he’s short
'I was with a group of friends and one of them was telling us about the hot friend her boyfriend had and how he was available. He looked great, he was clever, had a great job and good body. ‘What’s wrong with him? How tall is he?’, one woman finally ventured, voicing what we were all thinking.
'Sure enough, he was 5ft 6. You don’t want to bend down to kiss your boyfriend. You want to look up at him and be able to throw your arms around his neck'.
It felt weird walking beside him
'Men lie about their height on apps. Everyone knows they add an inch or two. One man I matched with was sitting down when we met, and I was definitely into him. But when we got up to leave, it became immediately apparent that I was bigger than him in every sense.
'I’m athletic and quite muscular, he was neither of those things. It wasn’t just the height; it was his entire physical persona. It felt weird walking beside him. I felt bad because I knew I wouldn’t go out with him because of it, even though we’d really connected – and he knew it. He must get so upset and sick of watching women’s faces drop when he stands up'.
IN PRAISE OF SHORT MEN
Happily, not all the feedback from women was negative.
Which is heartening because, in my opinion, dismissing a person who ticks every box except for their height is pretty stupid.
I’m not saying it’s not normal to hesitate – we’ve been told ‘tall is best’ since we were little girls. But all the women I know who decided it wasn’t important and gave the guy a go, have ended up in long-term, very happy relationships.
There’s just one mandatory factor: the guy has to be comfortable with his height.
'If he’s cool with his height, I will be as well,” one woman said. “It might be a turn on if a guy is tall. But it’s not a turn off if he’s short, so long as he doesn’t think it is. My husband is roughly my height and I’m below average. He loves it when I wear heels – there’s no awkwardness at all. Height might be something you think about at the start, but I never think about it now'.
HOW DO MEN FEEL ABOUT BEING SHORT?
The answer to that is overwhelming sadness. Look on any forum like Reddit and you’ll find endless discussions with shorter men talking about how inadequate and unhappy they feel. How women poke fun at them, walk out on dates when they realise their height, tell them it would be ‘embarrassing’ to be seen with them.
Lots of shorter men said they have suicidal thoughts.
'I’m inadequate. I’m 24 and have never been on a date, let alone had a girlfriend. It’s because of my height. I’m not earning enough because of my height. I don’t get women because of my height'. one man wrote.
'What’s the point of life when you’re short?' said another. 'I genuinely don’t understand. I try to be positive about my height but at this point I’m going to give up on everyone. I’m not bad looking, I have a good job, I’m intelligent and work out. But women constantly put me down about how short I am. I’m 5ft 4. No woman will come near me'.
'I’ve had many blunt rejections because of my height' another man told me, in a more heartening conversation. 'But my view is that if my height is a problem, it’s her problem not mine'.
I wholeheartedly agree.
THE HEIGHT BIAS IS REAL
Research supports ‘heightism’. The discrimination is often subtle and unacknowledged, but it happens for men in almost all areas of life.
Shorter men earn less: For every additional inch of height, a man’s wages increase by about 1.8 per cent. Men who are 6ft or taller earn about ten percent more annually than men who are 5ft 8 or shorter – even after accounting for education and experience.
They’re less likely to end up in a leadership role: Taller men are perceived as more dominant, competent, intelligent and authoritative. The average height of a FTSE 100 CEO is well above the UK male average. The average height of Fortune 500 CEOs is around 6ft.
Shorter men have a far lower match rate on dating apps: Most women set a minimum height of six foot for potential matches. This effectively excludes a large portion of the male population, given the average height for a man in the UK and US is 5ft 9.
They’re perceived as ‘less masculine’. Tall men are seen as more dominant and capable of providing protection. This is rooted in both social norms and evolutionary psychology. Not surprisingly, shorter men have a higher risk of depression.
THE BRUTAL PRICE OF ‘TALLER’
It’s known as a cheap, hot holiday destination but a growing number of British men are booking a different kind of trip to Turkey. Pricey, painful leg lengthening surgery is (slightly) more affordable there. This is how savage height bias can be – and how far some men will go to escape it.
How it works: Surgeons break both the femur (thigh bone) or tibia (shin bone). A rod is then inserted or placed on the outside of the leg, with pins and wires drilled through the skin and into the bone, to slowly stretch the bones over a period of months.
The patient or helper then adjust several times a day to slowly pull the two ends of a bone apart, typically at a rate of 1mm a day. Gaining two inches of height would take two months of active lengthening.
The risks: Infection, blood clots, bones not forming properly, nerve and blood vessel damage and not ever being able to walk again (if he’s not diligent about physical therapy).
The cost: Between £20,000 and £80,000 depending on inches added and recovery plans.
Recovery time: Up to a year of crutches, physio and pain. No quick fix here.
Risk: Infection, nerve damage, uneven growth – and some men say the mental toll is brutal. Patient satisfaction is often high but it’s a long, gruelling recovery with significant risks
