/bg : im 18,ugly, never had a grilfriend, never had any real friends or connections.
when i was 11 (i had just changed schools) i used to see my classmates date each other (they were all 12-13, i skipped a few grades). Most of them were on their initial phase of puberty while i still looked like a kid, they had their growth spurts and shi. The average height of my classmates back then was 5'6-5'7 and that was pretty tall for 13 yos. The girls would always date and befriend these guys and leave me alone. It pissed me off so much that i used to stop going to the school and when my parents forcefully sent me, i used to act like im having a strong headache so that my teacher would call my parents to pick me up. It physically hurt to see everyone else enjoy while i sat alone and ate my lunch crying inside.
Then came the covid, the next 2 years of my life were great. People were dying but there wasnt much i could see that pissed me off. I started playing video games and stuff. Also during this time, i had realized that i do look ugly and that no girl will ever like me.
After covid i was back to that fucked up lifestyle. During the end of 10th grade, i actually had 2 good friends. I used to be happy for my progress and i always had some hope. I used to think that maybe from next year, everythung will start getting better.
The next session rolls in, and i had to change schools again cuz my dad got transferred to a new place ( i didnt know i was gonna change schools until the lasy day)
it broke me. I had their instagram to stay in touch, and for the next 2 years of my life, i was subjected to loneliness and isolation. I used to see their stories and they were all enjoying. They were doing everything i ever wante to do. they had girlfriends.
Now that the school is over and i dont have much to do, i sleep all day long. Usually 14-16 hrs/ day. The only time im awake is when i need food or something. My parents pay for everything, and i dont talk wuth them much either. Its been 3 days since i last went out (to get groceries lol). The only thing when i see when i go out is people enjoying with their friends and their girlfriends. It infuriates me, i didnt deserve a life like this.
Im sick of my life. Even if sleep for 15 hrs, i still feel tired. Ive lost so much weight too. I weigh 110 pounds at 5'11 (180 cm). The only thing i do is
sleep->scroll some tiktok or insta -> check telegram and stuff -> play some games -> doordash -> talk w my parents ( if they call me, cuz i dont) -> sleep again
i once slept for 18 hrs and almost skipped a whole day, the only time i woke up was when i had to reheat my pizza.
And i know that im fucked up, and i cant do anything. Im tired of waiting. Everything has been going downhill since i was 9, and it gets worse every year.
If youre really reading this, thank you and i love you!
peace out
when i was 11 (i had just changed schools) i used to see my classmates date each other (they were all 12-13, i skipped a few grades). Most of them were on their initial phase of puberty while i still looked like a kid, they had their growth spurts and shi. The average height of my classmates back then was 5'6-5'7 and that was pretty tall for 13 yos. The girls would always date and befriend these guys and leave me alone. It pissed me off so much that i used to stop going to the school and when my parents forcefully sent me, i used to act like im having a strong headache so that my teacher would call my parents to pick me up. It physically hurt to see everyone else enjoy while i sat alone and ate my lunch crying inside.
Then came the covid, the next 2 years of my life were great. People were dying but there wasnt much i could see that pissed me off. I started playing video games and stuff. Also during this time, i had realized that i do look ugly and that no girl will ever like me.
After covid i was back to that fucked up lifestyle. During the end of 10th grade, i actually had 2 good friends. I used to be happy for my progress and i always had some hope. I used to think that maybe from next year, everythung will start getting better.
The next session rolls in, and i had to change schools again cuz my dad got transferred to a new place ( i didnt know i was gonna change schools until the lasy day)
it broke me. I had their instagram to stay in touch, and for the next 2 years of my life, i was subjected to loneliness and isolation. I used to see their stories and they were all enjoying. They were doing everything i ever wante to do. they had girlfriends.
Now that the school is over and i dont have much to do, i sleep all day long. Usually 14-16 hrs/ day. The only time im awake is when i need food or something. My parents pay for everything, and i dont talk wuth them much either. Its been 3 days since i last went out (to get groceries lol). The only thing when i see when i go out is people enjoying with their friends and their girlfriends. It infuriates me, i didnt deserve a life like this.
Im sick of my life. Even if sleep for 15 hrs, i still feel tired. Ive lost so much weight too. I weigh 110 pounds at 5'11 (180 cm). The only thing i do is
sleep->scroll some tiktok or insta -> check telegram and stuff -> play some games -> doordash -> talk w my parents ( if they call me, cuz i dont) -> sleep again
i once slept for 18 hrs and almost skipped a whole day, the only time i woke up was when i had to reheat my pizza.
And i know that im fucked up, and i cant do anything. Im tired of waiting. Everything has been going downhill since i was 9, and it gets worse every year.
If youre really reading this, thank you and i love you!
peace out
. Being alone feels awful, especially when you see everyone else around you being with friends and girlfriends.
