I'm starting to think that not only will things not get better, but maybe I'm not going to be able to cope with that fact either.
I'm 24-years-old, I've never kissed a girl, I've never held a girl, I've never had sex with a girl, but even worse than all of that, I've never done anything. I've lived in the same state, in the same part of the state, Southern California, my entire life. I don't have any real friends, just acquaintances, I live with my parents who I don't like, I don't even hate them, I just don't like them, they sit around and watch television all day and it depresses me. I used to find escapism in comic books, but I got sick of them, there was a time I played video games, but I have no interest in them these days, I once loved movies and I still watch a few a year, but I don't really care for most. I feel as if I have nothing to escape into, I'm too lazy to gymcel from what I can tell.
I always had this fantasy that one day I'd write a great book or create something that would make me a valuable person, that would make people care about me. The truth is, though, I'm not a good writer, I'm not even a mediocre writer, I'm actually a bad writer. The only thing I can ever finish are short stories, and they're all shit. Most importantly though, writing doesn't bring me any joy or satisfaction either. Nothing brings me joy or satisfaction.
I've had so many disappointments in this life, whether it was the world letting me down, or if it was myself letting me down. I'm going bald now, bald at 24, and for the previous years in my life my hair was my biggest cope, I could grow it out and hide my ugly face, hide my forehead, hide myself. I can't anymore, I have less options. I'm terrified the trend will continue, I don't know what to do, because I lack the courage to kill myself, and this pain just keeps on growing.
How can one keep living when the world doesn't care about him and he hates himself?
I'm 24-years-old, I've never kissed a girl, I've never held a girl, I've never had sex with a girl, but even worse than all of that, I've never done anything. I've lived in the same state, in the same part of the state, Southern California, my entire life. I don't have any real friends, just acquaintances, I live with my parents who I don't like, I don't even hate them, I just don't like them, they sit around and watch television all day and it depresses me. I used to find escapism in comic books, but I got sick of them, there was a time I played video games, but I have no interest in them these days, I once loved movies and I still watch a few a year, but I don't really care for most. I feel as if I have nothing to escape into, I'm too lazy to gymcel from what I can tell.
I always had this fantasy that one day I'd write a great book or create something that would make me a valuable person, that would make people care about me. The truth is, though, I'm not a good writer, I'm not even a mediocre writer, I'm actually a bad writer. The only thing I can ever finish are short stories, and they're all shit. Most importantly though, writing doesn't bring me any joy or satisfaction either. Nothing brings me joy or satisfaction.
I've had so many disappointments in this life, whether it was the world letting me down, or if it was myself letting me down. I'm going bald now, bald at 24, and for the previous years in my life my hair was my biggest cope, I could grow it out and hide my ugly face, hide my forehead, hide myself. I can't anymore, I have less options. I'm terrified the trend will continue, I don't know what to do, because I lack the courage to kill myself, and this pain just keeps on growing.
How can one keep living when the world doesn't care about him and he hates himself?
