TLDR: if you are an autistic male, verbal skills are crucial... better to be perceived as odd/smart than creepy/retarded...
man i feel so fucked up...
when I was 15 I befriended an introvert who read books on the hallway, and we would talk for hours, it felt so nourishing.
I could socialize with normies to an extent, but with this guy I felt a deeper connection, idk. I swear to God, I'm not gay. It's different, it was just nice to meet someone who didn't dismiss me just for being weird, and who cared about what I thought more than how others perceived me.
And that same year I started to be interested, for the first time ever, in the books that teachers assigned us for school work. One of the books was about a romance between a guy and a girl during war time, and the other book was about mystery/terror short stories. That year I started writing for myself, and I wrote a poem to the giga stacy of the classroom, she gave me a kiss on the cheek after reading it.
But I moved that very year, to another city. And it wasn't really the same anymore, it's extremely difficult to raise yourself alone into a normal man.
For some reason, naturally I consume 0 fiction, I don't read books, I don't watch movies, I don't watch series, I don't watch anime. I really struggle to concentrate on a plot. Maybe is a result of trauma, loneliness or adhd.
But verbal skills are absolutely necessary in this world, you get NOWHERE without them.
I have lived in 5 different places throughout my life, and it was so hard, losing all my friends, being alone. I decided to isolate at the end, why make friends if I will lose them anytime just because my mom decided to be an independent woman?
What do I do most of the time at home? I watch porn, that's it. And play the guitar, but the guitar by itself is a waste of time, a time sink.
To close this post, i will just mention that when I was 23 I became very interested in an autistic girl from my university, but of course, I was just a retarded coomer, and she fell in love with a history major who read a lot of books and is very eloquent, that broke my heart.
I knew it all the time, i knew it, i had to keep reading books and writing... if only someone had told me, but now it's maybe too late...
if you are an autistic male, verbal skills are crucial... better to be perceived as odd/smart than creepy/retarded...
I'm reading this essay from jordan peterson, "how to write an essay", he explains it all in this document, but i'm just on the first pages, can't get beyond that...
it's just so brutal to start something at 26 years old, something that I already knew when I was 15. If only I had stayed on track, it would all have been very different...
oh, and i forgot to mention, these skills are absolutely necessary for the work environment, i really need this for my job, communication is essential in offices and for life in general...
man i feel so fucked up...
when I was 15 I befriended an introvert who read books on the hallway, and we would talk for hours, it felt so nourishing.
I could socialize with normies to an extent, but with this guy I felt a deeper connection, idk. I swear to God, I'm not gay. It's different, it was just nice to meet someone who didn't dismiss me just for being weird, and who cared about what I thought more than how others perceived me.
And that same year I started to be interested, for the first time ever, in the books that teachers assigned us for school work. One of the books was about a romance between a guy and a girl during war time, and the other book was about mystery/terror short stories. That year I started writing for myself, and I wrote a poem to the giga stacy of the classroom, she gave me a kiss on the cheek after reading it.
But I moved that very year, to another city. And it wasn't really the same anymore, it's extremely difficult to raise yourself alone into a normal man.
For some reason, naturally I consume 0 fiction, I don't read books, I don't watch movies, I don't watch series, I don't watch anime. I really struggle to concentrate on a plot. Maybe is a result of trauma, loneliness or adhd.
But verbal skills are absolutely necessary in this world, you get NOWHERE without them.
I have lived in 5 different places throughout my life, and it was so hard, losing all my friends, being alone. I decided to isolate at the end, why make friends if I will lose them anytime just because my mom decided to be an independent woman?
What do I do most of the time at home? I watch porn, that's it. And play the guitar, but the guitar by itself is a waste of time, a time sink.
To close this post, i will just mention that when I was 23 I became very interested in an autistic girl from my university, but of course, I was just a retarded coomer, and she fell in love with a history major who read a lot of books and is very eloquent, that broke my heart.
I knew it all the time, i knew it, i had to keep reading books and writing... if only someone had told me, but now it's maybe too late...
if you are an autistic male, verbal skills are crucial... better to be perceived as odd/smart than creepy/retarded...
I'm reading this essay from jordan peterson, "how to write an essay", he explains it all in this document, but i'm just on the first pages, can't get beyond that...
it's just so brutal to start something at 26 years old, something that I already knew when I was 15. If only I had stayed on track, it would all have been very different...
oh, and i forgot to mention, these skills are absolutely necessary for the work environment, i really need this for my job, communication is essential in offices and for life in general...
Last edited:
