I've rotted so much in my 20s due to lack of financial support for looksmaxxing from my dad that I've fallen behind too hard to catch up and qualify with women. The accumulated weight of my suffering and trauma has grown so much over the years due to neglect and sabotage from my parents (dad in particular) that now I am left with no more hope or energy to pursue my goals. Even though I'm more mature and intelligent today, I no longer have the will and strength that I once did when I was in my 20s. I have been reduced to living like a 70 year old man as an LDARing NEET whose life is practically over and is now staring at his grave. I'm just waiting for my life to end now.
The weight of my trauma and anger is so bad now that yesterday I broke down and cried several times and I'm not the type to cry, not because I try to stay strong, but rather because I am just never moved to tears, but yesterday I uncharacteristically kept breaking into tears again and again till I was left to a point where I was imagining myself humbled, defeated, and kneeling before God begging Him to take me, and I NEVER do this shit because I'm atheist or agnostic, but my suffering has reached such a level that whatever pride or hubris I had could no longer protect me. Even as I type this out, my eyes are watering as I recollect the emotions I felt yesterday.
The weight of my trauma and anger is so bad now that yesterday I broke down and cried several times and I'm not the type to cry, not because I try to stay strong, but rather because I am just never moved to tears, but yesterday I uncharacteristically kept breaking into tears again and again till I was left to a point where I was imagining myself humbled, defeated, and kneeling before God begging Him to take me, and I NEVER do this shit because I'm atheist or agnostic, but my suffering has reached such a level that whatever pride or hubris I had could no longer protect me. Even as I type this out, my eyes are watering as I recollect the emotions I felt yesterday.
