I rarely have a nostalgic feeling when thinking back on my life, rather one of immediate rage, vengeance, and despair. Sometimes I think back on things and a memory just "clicks into place" where years later I find another grievance that never even occurred to me at the time. Just now for instance one of these memories clicked into place. I was just thinking back on a moment from when I was in 7th grade (12 years old) and I transferred to a new school. It was during lunch and in retrospect, this "friend" of mine at the time went on to jokingly berate another "friend" of mine at the lunch table on having dropped his wallet at the mall and how they had to both look for it. They were having a side conversation at the time (which is 100% ok, you can have side conversations when sitting with a group of people that isn't the sense of injustice) and apparently were joined by the other couple of people that also sat at the table as the conversation that I was listening to unfolded. I didn't think anything of it (this sounds like massive cope I know but I legit just blew my mind thinking back on this) at the time and for some reason it just snapped into place that I was the only one that sat at that table that wasn't invited to go with them. This was just a few weeks into everyone's first year at the school as well. It's the small, seemingly innocuous stuff like that which just eats you alive when you dwell on it as it all just accumulates into a feeling of never having been desired.
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