Venting I'm yet again blaming my family

[svgmn1]

back to being depressed again. I took a moment to reflect on a couple things

I have a hard belief that even if I hypothetically had one in a trillion chance of ascending or living a decent life as a virgin then my family already blew it up by raising me and dealing with me the way they do.

I believe that the way my family raised and still deal with me is the last straw that sealed the fate of my life. I feel like they conspired with everyone to create and raise such a "man" that will stay a mentally crippled joke fugly virgin loser forever.

I do not exclude myself from taking some responsibility. I'm an idiot, I'm too naive and I have autism, I always make wrong decisions and wrong judgements, only to regret them later when years pass.
sometimes my mental capacity reach it's limit. it's like an amateur chess player who knows the rules and have some basic knowledge about the game tactics but blunders every now and then, but instead of chess I feel like I'm blundering my entire life over and over and keep losing fights thanks to my brainwiring.

but I don't know....I don't know why my family never supported any dreams I had. Idk why my family was keen on putting me down on every rightful thought I made

why is my family this way?

I wish I had a father who didn't leave us, I wish I had a mother that wasn't a nagging woman and a wrong decision maker like me. I wish, I wish for...atleast a big brother who stood by my side and taught me how to deal with life as a man. I got nobody...no real friends no real family...this is not a life.

this has been by far my worst year, physically, mentally, socially, financially, etc.
I wish I can trade something for something else, but I'm on the brink of losing it all. this is the first time I felt broken this year and couldn't cope anymore, I tried
I tried resisting too much, but I reached my limit and need to vent off some.

 

[OCTOPATH CHIMPLER 7]

They raised you and gave you shit genetics so fair enough

 

[K1ng N0th1ng]

I have a hard belief that even if I hypothetically had one in a trillion chance of ascending or living a decent life as a virgin then my family already blew it up by raising me and dealing with me the way they do.

If I had a different upbringing even with the same genetics I have now, I wouldn't be rotting away here.

 

[Max Doltman]

i understand. my mind is messed up last couple days. just torture and losing

 

[_meh]

Environment does matters to some extent, yes.

 

[DeathIsSalvation]

Environment does matters to some extent, yes.

 

[incelerated]

I have a hard belief that even if I hypothetically had one in a trillion chance of ascending or living a decent life as a virgin then my family already blew it up by raising me and dealing with me the way they do.

I believe that the way my family raised and still deal with me is the last straw that sealed the fate of my life. I feel like they conspired with everyone to create and raise such a "man" that will stay a mentally crippled joke fugly virgin loser forever.

I can relate to this. My family is just odd, least to be said. Outcast weirdos.

 

[svgmn1]

back to being depressed again. I took a moment to reflect on a couple things

I have a hard belief that even if I hypothetically had one in a trillion chance of ascending or living a decent life as a virgin then my family already blew it up by raising me and dealing with me the way they do.

I believe that the way my family raised and still deal with me is the last straw that sealed the fate of my life. I feel like they conspired with everyone to create and raise such a "man" that will stay a mentally crippled joke fugly virgin loser forever.

I do not exclude myself from taking some responsibility. I'm an idiot, I'm too naive and I have autism, I always make wrong decisions and wrong judgements, only to regret them later when years pass.
sometimes my mental capacity reach it's limit. it's like an amateur chess player who knows the rules and have some basic knowledge about the game tactics but blunders every now and then, but instead of chess I feel like I'm blundering my entire life over and over and keep losing fights thanks to my brainwiring.

but I don't know....I don't know why my family never supported any dreams I had. Idk why my family was keen on putting me down on every rightful thought I made

why is my family this way?

I wish I had a father who didn't leave us, I wish I had a mother that wasn't a nagging woman and a wrong decision maker like me. I wish, I wish for...atleast a big brother who stood by my side and taught me how to deal with life as a man. I got nobody...no real friends no real family...this is not a life.

this has been by far my worst year, physically, mentally, socially, financially, etc.
I wish I can trade something for something else, but I'm on the brink of losing it all. this is the first time I felt broken this year and couldn't cope anymore, I tried
I tried resisting too much, but I reached my limit and need to vent off some.

 

[svgmn1]

huffin' the copium hard rn back to feeling nothing

 

[Friezacel]

Parents dont want to help their sub5 sons

 

[Julaybib]

its hard

 

[Cautious Raven]

I wish I had a brother too brocel. Unfortunately he died in the womb before I was born.

 

[svgmn1]

I wish I had a brother too brocel. Unfortunately he died in the womb before I was born.

holy fuck. exactly the same. an unborn child named abdullah. rip to our big embryobrocels

 

[svgmn1]

I wish I had a brother too brocel. Unfortunately he died in the womb before I was born.

holy fuck. exactly the same. an unborn child named abdullah. rip to our big embryobrocels

shit is legit sad tbh. it makes you think about everything he could do for you and all the things you could've done together
instead you end up with big sister

 

[Sasukecel]

That sucks.

I notice nowadays, I feel resentment towards my Mother and Father for giving me my facial characteristics.

Because why have a child, if you know they're going to come out ugly and have to deal with the pain and subjugation of being seen as subhuman?

 

[svgmn1]

That sucks.

I notice nowadays, I feel resentment towards my Mother and Father for giving me my facial characteristics.

Because why have a child, if you know they're going to come out ugly and have to deal with the pain and subjugation of being seen as subhuman?

it bogged me how the question "what do I expect my offsprings to live like?" never crossed these people minds. some people are unbearably stupid and lowiq.

 

[Sasukecel]

it bogged me how the question "what do I expect my offsprings to live like?" never crossed these people minds. some people are unbearably stupid and lowiq.

True, they made their decision and we're bottom of the barrel because of it.

To some extent, I wish I wasn't born, but I don't want to die, so my outlook on life, is I'll live in this cruel reality cope after cope.

 

[Cautious Raven]

holy fuck. exactly the same. an unborn child named abdullah. rip to our big embryobrocels

shit is legit sad tbh. it makes you think about everything he could do for you and all the things you could've done together
instead you end up with big sister

I'm sorry to hear that brocel. I have a big sister as well, it's brutal. At least we can rest assured that they won't have to suffer like us.

 

[Blank123]

A persons life outcomes in life are going to be at least to some extent greatly influenced by their parents. Not just because how they are treated at home has an influence but also because they choose the neighbourhood a person grows up in and the school they are sent to so essentially a large amount of the negative outcomes of someones life are their parents fault. This is also most likely not due to a mistake but rather selfishness and narcisissm. Most of the time there is at the very least some form of neglect going on from the parents at least which would not be the case if they actually truely cared or had empathy for the child as most of the time most problems really just need the parent to have some empathy. The problem is they usually don't due to them putting themselves above their child and their needs because they have been taught that they are entitled to an extreme amount of special treatment for simply being a parent regardless of whether or not they do a good job. The fact that alot of parents are also motivated by a very narcissistic desire to have complete control and power of another life is a factor in this issue as well.