Deleted member 33216
Every cope has an end
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- Joined
- Feb 27, 2021
- Posts
- 2,055
I'm tired of this meaningless, pathetic, crappy existence. Nothing brings me joy anymore. I never imagined, not in a million years, that I'd be this miserable in my at this age. It wasn't supposed to be this way though. I had dreams. Aspirations. I wanted to do something I could be proud of in my life. Not that I spent my life being idle, I had jobs, I got degrees and certificates, and I used to be an active member of the church youth. I am not a loser by any means, regardless of what society says about me. I went to college for 4 fucking years where I worked my ass off to get a STEM degree that I'm not even using because my social skills are abysmal that I keep failing the interviews. As a result I'm forced to be a fucking NEET (though I had a couple of STEM related jobs but all of them were dead ends). My mental issues have spiralled out of control lately and I don't know what to do about it. I am desperate for a way of this hell. But there's nothing I can do other than venting here. This is my last remaining outlet. I tried going to therapy, I tried changing my diet, I took up jogging, I even did noFap for half a year, etc. None of that stuff made me content or happy. I'm still the same miserable, lonely outcast. Normies think I can flush billions of years of evolution and just be content with being isolated like a psychopath. That shit doesn't fucking work. Nothing is fulfilling when life is meaningless. I have nothing to look forward to. I even worked a couple of menial dead end jobs to gain some money and gather some "experience" along the way. And despite being the only person with a degree there, I was ridiculed and called names like faggot and pussy.
Socialising didn't come naturally to me as kid as I am autistic, but how is that my fault? Before becoming blackpilled I thought that society cared about those with mental health issues. JFL. In reality however, no one gives a damn. You could be dying in front of them and they won't move a muscle to help you. I'm tired of being stuck in this nihilistic genetic prison with no way out. Everywhere I look is an abyss. I was never a hateful person, I never imagined that I'd ever be stuck in this spot where all I'm only capable of hatred - it's eating my alive. Lately, I haven't been eating or sleeping properly. Suicide is always on my mind, and every time I turn on the TV (mainly just to have some background noise to feel less lonely) I see the entire world expressing its unmitigated hatred towards me. And for what? For not looking a certain way? For having a small skeleton? I'm 25 years old and I've never had a kiss or been on a date before. Never had any friends either, despite putting massive amounts of effort into making some. I know it's not my fault. I know that self improvement is futile, but what are the alternatives? LDARing? Going to activities as many normies have suggested is pointless. I was always the weird guy that no one wanted to interact with. I went to chess clubs, math camps, and I volunteered at the church when I was younger. But to no fucking avail.
No one has ever liked me, and no ever will. I think I'm better off dead. People love to blame this on my "toxic" personality, but that was never the problem to begin with. I am not toxic!!! I admit I've said some fucked up things on here and on other online incel boards as well, but that doesn't make me a bad person. I never wanted to hate women, they've forced me to, and even to this day, I still question my beliefs about women. They've shitted on me, bullied me, called me names, threw food at me in middle school, and rejected me as an adult. How am I supposed to like someone who's harmed me this much? My entire life has been nothing but an endless stream of rejections that never ceases to end!! All I ever wanted was some love, is that too much to ask? Someone I could talk with to alleviate my indissoluble, painful loneliness. But nooooo, apparently I deserve to rot away in my room, forgotten and alone. All because I look a certain way. There are pedophiles and mass murderers out there who have/had girlfriend. Yet I'm the bad one? Why does it have to be so fucking hard to get some love? How far have we fallen? This is a sign of collapsing society. Inceldom is truly exhausting, I don't think I can handle this any longer.
Socialising didn't come naturally to me as kid as I am autistic, but how is that my fault? Before becoming blackpilled I thought that society cared about those with mental health issues. JFL. In reality however, no one gives a damn. You could be dying in front of them and they won't move a muscle to help you. I'm tired of being stuck in this nihilistic genetic prison with no way out. Everywhere I look is an abyss. I was never a hateful person, I never imagined that I'd ever be stuck in this spot where all I'm only capable of hatred - it's eating my alive. Lately, I haven't been eating or sleeping properly. Suicide is always on my mind, and every time I turn on the TV (mainly just to have some background noise to feel less lonely) I see the entire world expressing its unmitigated hatred towards me. And for what? For not looking a certain way? For having a small skeleton? I'm 25 years old and I've never had a kiss or been on a date before. Never had any friends either, despite putting massive amounts of effort into making some. I know it's not my fault. I know that self improvement is futile, but what are the alternatives? LDARing? Going to activities as many normies have suggested is pointless. I was always the weird guy that no one wanted to interact with. I went to chess clubs, math camps, and I volunteered at the church when I was younger. But to no fucking avail.
No one has ever liked me, and no ever will. I think I'm better off dead. People love to blame this on my "toxic" personality, but that was never the problem to begin with. I am not toxic!!! I admit I've said some fucked up things on here and on other online incel boards as well, but that doesn't make me a bad person. I never wanted to hate women, they've forced me to, and even to this day, I still question my beliefs about women. They've shitted on me, bullied me, called me names, threw food at me in middle school, and rejected me as an adult. How am I supposed to like someone who's harmed me this much? My entire life has been nothing but an endless stream of rejections that never ceases to end!! All I ever wanted was some love, is that too much to ask? Someone I could talk with to alleviate my indissoluble, painful loneliness. But nooooo, apparently I deserve to rot away in my room, forgotten and alone. All because I look a certain way. There are pedophiles and mass murderers out there who have/had girlfriend. Yet I'm the bad one? Why does it have to be so fucking hard to get some love? How far have we fallen? This is a sign of collapsing society. Inceldom is truly exhausting, I don't think I can handle this any longer.
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