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Venting I'm tired of living like this

  • Thread starter Deleted member 33216
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Deleted member 33216

Deleted member 33216

Every cope has an end
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Joined
Feb 27, 2021
Posts
2,055
I'm tired of this meaningless, pathetic, crappy existence. Nothing brings me joy anymore. I never imagined, not in a million years, that I'd be this miserable in my at this age. It wasn't supposed to be this way though. I had dreams. Aspirations. I wanted to do something I could be proud of in my life. Not that I spent my life being idle, I had jobs, I got degrees and certificates, and I used to be an active member of the church youth. I am not a loser by any means, regardless of what society says about me. I went to college for 4 fucking years where I worked my ass off to get a STEM degree that I'm not even using because my social skills are abysmal that I keep failing the interviews. As a result I'm forced to be a fucking NEET (though I had a couple of STEM related jobs but all of them were dead ends). My mental issues have spiralled out of control lately and I don't know what to do about it. I am desperate for a way of this hell. But there's nothing I can do other than venting here. This is my last remaining outlet. I tried going to therapy, I tried changing my diet, I took up jogging, I even did noFap for half a year, etc. None of that stuff made me content or happy. I'm still the same miserable, lonely outcast. Normies think I can flush billions of years of evolution and just be content with being isolated like a psychopath. That shit doesn't fucking work. Nothing is fulfilling when life is meaningless. I have nothing to look forward to. I even worked a couple of menial dead end jobs to gain some money and gather some "experience" along the way. And despite being the only person with a degree there, I was ridiculed and called names like faggot and pussy.


Socialising didn't come naturally to me as kid as I am autistic, but how is that my fault? Before becoming blackpilled I thought that society cared about those with mental health issues. JFL. In reality however, no one gives a damn. You could be dying in front of them and they won't move a muscle to help you. I'm tired of being stuck in this nihilistic genetic prison with no way out. Everywhere I look is an abyss. I was never a hateful person, I never imagined that I'd ever be stuck in this spot where all I'm only capable of hatred - it's eating my alive. Lately, I haven't been eating or sleeping properly. Suicide is always on my mind, and every time I turn on the TV (mainly just to have some background noise to feel less lonely) I see the entire world expressing its unmitigated hatred towards me. And for what? For not looking a certain way? For having a small skeleton? I'm 25 years old and I've never had a kiss or been on a date before. Never had any friends either, despite putting massive amounts of effort into making some. I know it's not my fault. I know that self improvement is futile, but what are the alternatives? LDARing? Going to activities as many normies have suggested is pointless. I was always the weird guy that no one wanted to interact with. I went to chess clubs, math camps, and I volunteered at the church when I was younger. But to no fucking avail.

No one has ever liked me, and no ever will. I think I'm better off dead. People love to blame this on my "toxic" personality, but that was never the problem to begin with. I am not toxic!!! I admit I've said some fucked up things on here and on other online incel boards as well, but that doesn't make me a bad person. I never wanted to hate women, they've forced me to, and even to this day, I still question my beliefs about women. They've shitted on me, bullied me, called me names, threw food at me in middle school, and rejected me as an adult. How am I supposed to like someone who's harmed me this much? My entire life has been nothing but an endless stream of rejections that never ceases to end!! All I ever wanted was some love, is that too much to ask? Someone I could talk with to alleviate my indissoluble, painful loneliness. But nooooo, apparently I deserve to rot away in my room, forgotten and alone. All because I look a certain way. There are pedophiles and mass murderers out there who have/had girlfriend. Yet I'm the bad one? Why does it have to be so fucking hard to get some love? How far have we fallen? This is a sign of collapsing society. Inceldom is truly exhausting, I don't think I can handle this any longer.
 
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Life isnt about sex
 
An ugly man is born, tormented through this youth, gaslit through his adult years because he can’t get over what happened in his youth, is blamed for having a “bad” personality, dies alone through suicide or some other means. That’s all there is to it really sorry boyo.
 
Not trying and being a failure is easier on the mind than doing your best and still being a lonely loser. Socializing as a sub 5/10 male brings no joy to me or any other sane person in our position. Why would we put ourselves out there just so we can see women get groped by guys, kissing in public or leaving to go to their place. Anger is good it's much better than sadness.

If you chose to work and strive for something do it to obtain power to have revenge on the normalfags.

Also as I grow older I have been getting into sicker and sicker things. Sometimes I will fap to murdered prostitutes and the other day I will fap to my own fantasies which are pretty brutal. Maybe one day I can find a proper civil war to partake in where I will get to do as I please
 

Most autists I've talked to have had a similar experience growing up. I feel like I've been scammed in life. And just like I've reached a point where I just wanted to stay away from people because I didn't fucking understand what the hell they expected me to do. Nor did understand what they meant when they said X. Like, there's these two conflicting feelings inside me. On the one hand, there's this innate urge to soclialise, but on the other hand I don't want to be around people.
 
Not trying and being a failure is easier on the mind than doing your best and still being a lonely loser. Socializing as a sub 5/10 male brings no joy to me or any other sane person in our position. Why would we put ourselves out there just so we can see women get groped by guys, kissing in public or leaving to go to their place. Anger is good it's much better than sadness.

If you chose to work and strive for something do it to obtain power to have revenge on the normalfags.

Also as I grow older I have been getting into sicker and sicker things. Sometimes I will fap to murdered prostitutes and the other day I will fap to my own fantasies which are pretty brutal. Maybe one day I can find a proper civil war to partake in where I will get to do as I please
My parents kept pushing me into education until I finally gave in. And as for the jobs I've worked I just want to get out of the house and talk with someone other than my grandma. It gets boring and repetitive staying home all day doing nothing. I've exhausted all my copes. Nothing seems fulfilling at this point. But you're right, as a sub5 male there's really no point in even trying. Alas, I was a naive idiot. So I had to come to that conclusion the hard way.
 
I'm sorry you had to go through this shit man, I can relate to a lot of your experiences. But don't let these cunts get you down, the world is 99.99% cunts and you just have to navigate your way through it. Also fuck going to therapy, one session with an good escort is more likely to help you than 5000 therapy sessions, remember that "Therapist" - "The Rapist". It's literally in the name, all these cuntbags want to do is pigeonhole you into a certain category so they can accurately identify which mind-numbing drugs they're going to shove down your throat. All that whilst simultaneously financially raping you. Fuck that shit.
 
My parents kept pushing me into education until I finally gave in. And as for the jobs I've worked I just want to get out of the house and talk with someone other than my grandma. It gets boring and repetitive staying home all day doing nothing. I've exhausted all my copes. Nothing seems fulfilling at this point. But you're right, as a sub5 male there's really no point in even trying. Alas, I was a naive idiot. So I had to come to that conclusion the hard way.

I wish I could help you but I am in a very similar boat. Just that I am probably less skilled and lower IQ than you so I am even more fucked. I had some prosperous hobbies but I quit them all because I am often too depressed to do anything. I feel tired all day, my head hurts, I just sit for hours at a time and stare at the screen unable to do anything productive.

Because my hobbies are part artistic part tehnical I can't do them while my mood is this low. My imagination and desire to create is completely gone. If you want to be friends message me or something.
 
I even worked a couple of menial dead end jobs to gain some money and gather some "experience" along the way. And despite being the only person with a degree there, I was ridiculed and called names like faggot and pussy.
90 % of jobs are dead end jobs anyway. People who can career maXx are having jobs in very specific sectors that are growing exponetially for a very short window of time during which they are lucky enough to make their career ... Not only that, but they also need to be above average looking in order to make the company look good.

I see it in my own branch. Career maXx are : 1) good looking fucktards who knows someone in the hierarchy 2) foids who will get the pussy pass thanks to the neofeminist trend. As a beta male, your chance to have a successful career is close to 0, unless you actually invent some revolutionary thing and are clever enough to make a patent.
 

They were all a bunch of old geezers who used to get off it. They used to gang up on me, hide me food, throw pebbles at me, and make fun of my speech impediment. They even got me to cry once (at the age of 20), and when I broke in tears what did the assholes do? They started laughing at me. There was this one asshole, a 70 something year old miserable POS who pulled his phone out and played a video of his grandchildren crying just to mock me. I told the supervisor about their harassment but all he had to say was "there's joking around, don't take it seriously".
 
A guy in my country was brutally beaten by a two dozen people for getting drunk and chanting some things. I guess they were "racist" or "sexist" things? Anyways he ended up receiving a fine after every normalfag testified against him.
Normies love to gang up & get the odd one out right in the shit. Sadistic fuckers.
 
I wish I could help you but I am in a very similar boat. Just that I am probably less skilled and lower IQ than you so I am even more fucked. I had some prosperous hobbies but I quit them all because I am often too depressed to do anything. I feel tired all day, my head hurts, I just sit for hours at a time and stare at the screen unable to do anything productive.

Because my hobbies are part artistic part tehnical I can't do them while my mood is this low. My imagination and desire to create is completely gone. If you want to be friends message me or something.
There seems to be no way out of this shit tbh. I'm 25. If shit was going to get better it would've gotten better by now.
 
I'm sorry you had to go through this shit man, I can relate to a lot of your experiences. But don't let these cunts get you down, the world is 99.99% cunts and you just have to navigate your way through it. Also fuck going to therapy, one session with an good escort is more likely to help you than 5000 therapy sessions, remember that "Therapist" - "The Rapist". It's literally in the name, all these cuntbags want to do is pigeonhole you into a certain category so they can accurately identify which mind-numbing drugs they're going to shove down your throat. All that whilst simultaneously financially raping you. Fuck that shit.
Raping your wallet for a decade.
 
I'm sorry you had to go through this shit man, I can relate to a lot of your experiences. But don't let these cunts get you down, the world is 99.99% cunts and you just have to navigate your way through it. Also fuck going to therapy, one session with an good escort is more likely to help you than 5000 therapy sessions, remember that "Therapist" - "The Rapist". It's literally in the name, all these cuntbags want to do is pigeonhole you into a certain category so they can accurately identify which mind-numbing drugs they're going to shove down your throat. All that whilst simultaneously financially raping you. Fuck that shit.
Exactly. Therapists just try to turn you into a normie, and when that fails they push the jewpills on you. Normies are so dumb, they think therapy is a panacea. That's their solution to literally every problem.
 
Because my hobbies are part artistic part tehnical I can't do them while my mood is this low. My imagination and desire to create is completely gone. If you want to be friends message me or something.
Same buddy boyo. I cope with alcohol, caffeine, and lack of sleep. In the end, I'm more creative and productive in my artistic hobbies when I'm embracing my sadness, but I'm using too many chemicals copes to stop depression. I spend most of the time in a kind of neutral stasis, which is worse than guenuine emotions in the end, and totally kills my creativity.
 
They were all a bunch of old geezers who used to get off it. They used to gang up on me, hide me food, throw pebbles at me, and make fun of my speech impediment. They even got me to cry once (at the age of 20), and when I broke in tears what did the assholes do? They started laughing at me. There was this one asshole, a 70 something year old miserable POS who pulled his phone out and played a video of his grandchildren crying just to mock me. I told the supervisor about their harassment but all he had to say was "there's joking around, don't take it seriously".
That's why autists can't hold a job, the fucking bullying. These fucks deserve bullets.
 
90 % of jobs are dead end jobs anyway. People who can career maXx are having jobs in very specific sectors that are growing exponetially for a very short window of time during which they are lucky enough to make their career ... Not only that, but they also need to be above average looking in order to make the company look good.

I see it in my own branch. Career maXx are : 1) good looking fucktards who knows someone in the hierarchy 2) foids who will get the pussy pass thanks to the neofeminist trend. As a beta male, your chance to have a successful career is close to 0, unless you actually invent some revolutionary thing and are clever enough to make a patent.
I was a TA at 2 different universities, but even there the students didn't feel comfortable around me, and many have reported that I'm eccentric and weird. So I lost my job.
 
I was a TA at 2 different universities, but even there the students didn't feel comfortable around me, and many have reported that I'm eccentric and weird. So I lost my job.
Wtf. They fired you because of that ? It's over.
 
Wtf. They fired you because of that ? It's over.
At the end of each semester there's an evaluation, and the students have invariably given me negative feedback. According to them my teaching skills were below average.
 
At the end of each semester there's an evaluation, and the students have invariably given negative feedback.
Cucked liberal system were illiterate sudents can revoke a teacher.
 
Not trying and being a failure is easier on the mind than doing your best and still being a lonely loser. Socializing as a sub 5/10 male brings no joy to me or any other sane person in our position. Why would we put ourselves out there just so we can see women get groped by guys, kissing in public or leaving to go to their place. Anger is good it's much better than sadness.

If you chose to work and strive for something do it to obtain power to have revenge on the normalfags.

Also as I grow older I have been getting into sicker and sicker things. Sometimes I will fap to murdered prostitutes and the other day I will fap to my own fantasies which are pretty brutal. Maybe one day I can find a proper civil war to partake in where I will get to do as I please
Falco grice join the yeagerists.
 
Yeah it's getting unbearable to me too. Every day it's harder to have any motivation, my mind is deteriorating to the point I can hardly function, it causes physical pain and extreme depression. The worst part is that it eventually reaches the point where it legit seems impossible to meet anyone and then you start not liking people and don't want to be around them at all.

You can looksmaxx, get jacked, become rich etc but for some people they still don't get noticed, it's BS
 
I’m tired of living at all.
 

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