You're never going to achieve what you're looking for because you know deep down that 'hating yourself' is the only feeling you can logically have. You are a subhuman like the rest of us—there are physical features about yourself that make it so that nobody wants to be friends with you, let alone a girl considering having you as her partner. You were rejected by this world the moment you were born.
You can try to wish it away and act as if it isn't there, but you'll always notice it in the end. People will treat you differently—as if you weren't human. You are an inferior species.
Maybe you'll try to struggle against Fate and 'improooove,' but it will ultimately be in vain. Normal people don't even have to think about such a thing. They just go on living their lives and stuff like friends and sexual relationships just naturally happen for them. They don't sperg out and think 'I have to get lean and buff,' or 'if I work on improving the way I talk, maybe girls will find me anything other than repulsive.' That's simply what happens when you're not genetic trash that the world despises.
And so that leaves you here. Of course you hate yourself. What other feeling could you hold? It is, ironically enough, the only position you can take which maintains your self-respect and pride.
