Well, as you guys might know, my sister recently had her fucking 9lb, 23in, uncircumcised son. While I was happy that I managed to convince my sister to save my nephew from you know who, it ultimately is no benefit to me, but I guess I did a small good deed that should lift my karma. Anyways, for those unfamiliar with baby sizes, that’s fucking huge, like 98th percentile. So this kid is likely to be somewhere around 6’3”-6’5”, but only time will tell. Possibly bigger.
Anyways, soon after that, my cousin had a child. They kept the gender a surprise, and what do you know, it’s another boy. My cousin is a rather tall gymnast woman, and her husband is a manlet Brad. The kid was born early, so small at birth, but has supposedly been growing rapidly fast. Can’t be sure, but I’m guessing this kid is gonna end up a 5’10”-6’0” Bradtier. This kid is likely cut because I did not speak to my cousin regarding it. I’m not that close to her, and her family, out of all of us, is the most stubborn, yee yee southern Republican, Israel glazing “christians”. No way I was winning that argument with them, so I didn’t bother.
Two quick Chad babies back to back. Alright, so what’s the next big announcement.
My 6’6”, rich, Chad cousin is gonna be a dad. His 5’8”, Aryan ballerina wife is now pregnant. They don’t know what it is yet, but I do. It’s gonna be a boy, and that boy is gonna be the leader of the Gigachads in my already Chad family. No idea what his thoughts are on dick cutting, but I might speak with him because he respects my opinion.
My family was already pretty Chad before (with a few outliers such as myself), but Thanksgiving is gonna be a total mogfest in like 20 years. I don’t think I’m ready for family vacation with a bunch of giant, Aryan, gigachad zoomies.
More reminders that my parents suck, and I’m just unlucky. I am happy the next generation will have a better life at least. It’s a small comfort.
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