I've very recently come to the realization that I am fucked up but not as fucked up as the people in my community. If you go to my older post here, you'll know that I've talked about living in the Bronx and the people that are around me in this area. It is very common to interact with people who do not have a father, have a drug-addicted parent, and or have been physically and or sexually abused during their childhood. And this is both for men and women. I've had a amazing childhood by comparison. My mom did beat me but by like a hood standards I totally got spoiled and wasn't ever abused when compared to the average person in my vicinity. My trauma does stem from the fact that I am a nerd and I do have a white as fuck voice and vocabulary. I also was gross as a kid and did weird shit. So in that regard, being in the incel versus kind of a matter of time when you also account for my social awkwardness and OCD.
With all that being said though I will say that the people around me are way more fucked up than I am by a country mile. I may be socially and developmentally stunted since I am alone romantically and haven't built the necessary social skills. One does when mating in our modern era. But I'm not evil, I don't do drugs, I don't Rob anybody or stab anybody, + and I have some level of manners. The people around me are human garbage. Garbage. And human form. And when they speak to me they know that something's off or the banana. You look at it right. In some ways, I do think that a big part of why I'm socially awkward when it comes to interact with people in my environment is that I didn't go through that particular type of trauma. I don't know what it's like to have your stepfather beat the fuck out of you or touch you. I don't know what it's like to have a drug addicted brother or sister that you have to visit from rehab. I don't know what it's like to fail the 5th grade three times and just drive out of school and start selling crack. Legitimately though if I did I think I would be more accepted. In some ways. I think this is God. It's cruel sense of humor coming out.
With all that being said though I will say that the people around me are way more fucked up than I am by a country mile. I may be socially and developmentally stunted since I am alone romantically and haven't built the necessary social skills. One does when mating in our modern era. But I'm not evil, I don't do drugs, I don't Rob anybody or stab anybody, + and I have some level of manners. The people around me are human garbage. Garbage. And human form. And when they speak to me they know that something's off or the banana. You look at it right. In some ways, I do think that a big part of why I'm socially awkward when it comes to interact with people in my environment is that I didn't go through that particular type of trauma. I don't know what it's like to have your stepfather beat the fuck out of you or touch you. I don't know what it's like to have a drug addicted brother or sister that you have to visit from rehab. I don't know what it's like to fail the 5th grade three times and just drive out of school and start selling crack. Legitimately though if I did I think I would be more accepted. In some ways. I think this is God. It's cruel sense of humor coming out.
