SuicideFuel I'm an abomination, a parasite, and a complete fucking loser

[Ijustwannaslapahoe]

I wish I was dead. Every since I was a little kid, I instinctly wished that I was born somebody else and not as the person I am. Im one of those niggas that shouldn't even exist. I'm a mutt abomination. All I ever wanted to be was a normal person who gets to enjoy of all of fruits of a relatively normal life that most people get; love, friends, social comfort, experience etc. but literally as of rn I have no friends irl or online. I see people that are sociopathic, bullies, narcissist, low iq, and especially people who have caused social trauma to me succeed in life and get amazing pleasures and validation from women and peers that ill never even come close to getting. As long as I can remember, even since like kindergarten, I was always singled out as the "weird" kid. People always hated me. My mental thoughts loops and intrusive thoughts are like a 24/7 mental prison. My own mental state tears itself apart bit by bit everyday.
I genuinely should shoot myself with a shotgun. I'm both a physically and neurological abomination. I should be studied for research.

 

[Animecel2D]

 

[Ijustwannaslapahoe]

View attachment 1725640

I saw posts about your parents and I can relate. The parents i was born to are similar to yours. There is no way in hell my parents genes could've made someone even remotely decent or valuable.

 

[End Hypergamy]

That's what (((they))) want us to think. Hate Chad and Stacy? Stay alive to spite them, fellow greycel.

 

[Animecel2D]

I saw posts about your parents and I can relate. The parents i was born to are similar to yours. There is no way in hell my parents genes could've made someone even remotely decent or valuable.

Brutal

with parents like these, we never even got a chance. it's ridiculous how much they shape our lives, how much shit we inherit from them. You're just born and it is over

 

[Ijustwannaslapahoe]

That's what (((they))) want us to think. Hate Chad and Stacy? Stay alive to spite them, fellow greycel.

But my life and mental state is literally hell. My life itself is a humiliation ritual. I wouldn't be surprised if parts of my brain are literally deformed by birth, hence why I'm so retarded and neurotic. My mind is fucked up in ways that make me think that im some sort of genetic anatomy; for example, I see random bursts of imagery, patterns, colors etc. 24/7, so my minds eye literally never stfus. It's good for art and creative , abstract thinking, but it makes my life a literal hell. Imagine if you had a 24/7 adult swim on crack playing in your minds eye ( i know, I sound like im insanely retarded lmao). I also have pure O ocd and intrusive thinking. It ruined my high school years and made me do embarrassing shit like ocd rituals in class

 

[Ijustwannaslapahoe]

Brutal

with parents like these, we never even got a chance. it's ridiculous how much they shape our lives, how much shit we inherit from them. You're just born and it is over

Ever since I was a young boy (around 8), I always I wished for and deeply fantasised about being born a completely different person

 

[bruno eurich]

I understand a lot of your story.