All of my life, i've been a pushover, during my entire time at highschool, i endured the spontaneous anger bursts at me but i never anger burst against anyone else, anger burst can be what the british call "having a go at someone " i took so much shit from people and i never "stood my ground"
for example,i remember climbing down a mountain on the very last physical day of our 23 day long hike trip( all the grade 10s at my school had to do this 23 day long experience of hiking and boats, 60+kilometer long bicycle days and camp stuff, it was a tough physical and mental journey bla bla, i won't mention what this 23-day long hike was called, i went to a all boy school) anyways on day 21(the last physical work day) i was climbing down a steep rocky mountain side with my 20-30KG rucksack and i had the habit of constanely slipping on my ass, the one classmate and the short muscle chaddish maths teacher who had volunteered for the 23-day hike behind me were getting annoyed and finally on the 3rd or 4th time i slipped on my ass, they were like "(my name), that's like the thousandth time you slipped on your but" and then both of them hiked pass me down this difficult path with rocks and such a steep gradient,- I just kept QUIET as they hiked passed me, now this memory has stuck in my head, i WISH i verbally retaliated i thought i would say " im sorry for slipping, here's my apology" and i kick one of them in the back hard and they both fall tumbling down the mountain or i say "go bang your old wife" to the muscle maths teacher,just one time where i get my fucking revenge and live in the moment, briefly experience justice and freedom
day 1 of this 23-day long hike, one of the popular kids FULL ON ASSHOLE anger shouted at me because i was lagging the group behind, i was the last guy walking behind group, i was struggling because i was puking out water and i was dehydrated, my body wasn't adjusted, my stomach couldn't take so much water which was really shitty , i knew this guy was a pure asshole, i just said "im sorry", i've long forgotten the words he said to me. During the last few kilometers of the hike of day 1, i wasn't even wearing a rucksack forwhich i got more shit from some of the guys, now this asshole was friends with the engaged chubby bully i posted a while back, these guys WERE constant assholes to me, they mocked me at every opportunity. People say revenge does not make you feel better or revenge is bad, these memories happened almost ten years ago and i still think about them everyday .
this 23 day camp is like 6 months of interaction compressed into 23 days, its really like more of the same in a short amount of time, there are many more examples where i was a quiet pushover . i had never retaliated against my bullies and asshole teachers
for example,i remember climbing down a mountain on the very last physical day of our 23 day long hike trip( all the grade 10s at my school had to do this 23 day long experience of hiking and boats, 60+kilometer long bicycle days and camp stuff, it was a tough physical and mental journey bla bla, i won't mention what this 23-day long hike was called, i went to a all boy school) anyways on day 21(the last physical work day) i was climbing down a steep rocky mountain side with my 20-30KG rucksack and i had the habit of constanely slipping on my ass, the one classmate and the short muscle chaddish maths teacher who had volunteered for the 23-day hike behind me were getting annoyed and finally on the 3rd or 4th time i slipped on my ass, they were like "(my name), that's like the thousandth time you slipped on your but" and then both of them hiked pass me down this difficult path with rocks and such a steep gradient,- I just kept QUIET as they hiked passed me, now this memory has stuck in my head, i WISH i verbally retaliated i thought i would say " im sorry for slipping, here's my apology" and i kick one of them in the back hard and they both fall tumbling down the mountain or i say "go bang your old wife" to the muscle maths teacher,just one time where i get my fucking revenge and live in the moment, briefly experience justice and freedom
day 1 of this 23-day long hike, one of the popular kids FULL ON ASSHOLE anger shouted at me because i was lagging the group behind, i was the last guy walking behind group, i was struggling because i was puking out water and i was dehydrated, my body wasn't adjusted, my stomach couldn't take so much water which was really shitty , i knew this guy was a pure asshole, i just said "im sorry", i've long forgotten the words he said to me. During the last few kilometers of the hike of day 1, i wasn't even wearing a rucksack forwhich i got more shit from some of the guys, now this asshole was friends with the engaged chubby bully i posted a while back, these guys WERE constant assholes to me, they mocked me at every opportunity. People say revenge does not make you feel better or revenge is bad, these memories happened almost ten years ago and i still think about them everyday .
this 23 day camp is like 6 months of interaction compressed into 23 days, its really like more of the same in a short amount of time, there are many more examples where i was a quiet pushover . i had never retaliated against my bullies and asshole teachers
