Venting I'm a dissapointment to my old self

[Mr. Ponzi]

I wanted to tag this "SuicideFuel" but I'm too pussy to commit suicide, I don't deserve to use the "SuicideFuel" tag.
Anyway I just found out that someone I went to college with now has a brilliant career. We both sort of started on the same path, very ambitious and promising. But while people kept their pace, I became a loser. I quit jobs, I spent money, I ignored reality.
I don't even know why I think about this, especially after arriving at philosophical conclusions that favor withdrawal from society, inaction and asceticism. Between being a rich delusional natalist and being a loser, I gladly choose being a loser. There's an intellectual pride in figuring out the truth, even if it means reaching rock bottom. But I don't know, I could have not fucked up so much in live. Wtf. I was too reckless, to divorced from reality. I had this gene deep certainty that things will work out for me eventually and they didn't. I also counted on suicide as a plan B in case shit hits the fan, which was another illusion, as I don't have the guts.
Looking at my life at different points, everything seem unreal. Different versions of myself from different years would seem completely different people with nothing in common. Why am I so versatile?
God everything is so messed up.

 

[Zesto]

I'm honestly in the peak of my life ever since I started looksmaxxing for Nipponese women.

 

[Deleted member 7448]

I'm in the same boat. When I finished highschool things were looking good. Sure, I had been depressed and isolated since ~13, but my grades were good, my parents were sending me abroad to study, to get away from this shithole country.

Then I fucked everything up.

Funnily enough, I also toyed with asceticism/stoicism, and other such philosophies that have to do with rejecting the material or what-not. I've grown to believe that nobody can truly live like that, free of our desires. We're pathetic losers objectively, and no amount of changing our perception and perspectives will help us truly accept and overcome that.

 

[Mr. Ponzi]

Funnily enough, I also toyed with asceticism/stoicism, and other such philosophies that have to do with rejecting the material or what-not. I've grown to believe that nobody can truly live like that, free of our desires. We're pathetic losers objectively, and no amount of changing our perception and perspectives will help us truly accept that.

Exactly. Maybe money can't bring happiness, but it brings freedom and at least the possibility to cope better. I guess moderation is key.

 

[Ecstasy]

I start to think I have manic depression and every time I feel down I destroy what I have built up in my productive stage

 

[Fontaine]

I'm in the same boat. When I finished highschool things were looking good. Sure, I had been depressed and isolated since ~13, but my grades were good, my parents were sending me abroad to study, to get away from this shithole country.

Then I fucked everything up.

Funnily enough, I also toyed with asceticism/stoicism, and other such philosophies that have to do with rejecting the material or what-not. I've grown to believe that nobody can truly live like that, free of our desires. We're pathetic losers objectively, and no amount of changing our perception and perspectives will help us truly accept and overcome that.

Same life and same conclusion. I like to see myself as a philosopher, and yet I'm still obsessed with money.

It all comes down to work I think. If you're poor, society will force you to work to survive. You can't be a good philosopher and a good worker at the same time.

That's basically the philosophy of Nassim Taleb, the trader-philosopher. Without wealth, you can't be a philosopher, because you're too vulnerable to influence and corruption. And most of all, you don't have free time.

I guess poor monks are a counter-example. But they do work like slaves in most monasteries. And they don't have free thought.

The rational inquest of truth is a rich man's hobby, or a scientist's hobby. Not everyone can afford it.

 

[God'sGreatestRegret]

A part of me did fear leaving university because I knew it would be downhill from there. Years later, I still haven't gained any momentum.

 

[Mainländer]

Between being a rich delusional natalist and being a loser, I gladly choose being a loser. There's an intellectual pride in figuring out the truth, even if it means reaching rock bottom.

I can relate heavily to this.

But sadly so is life, we're still alive, most of us won't have the guts to rope and here we are, adrift in the ocean of life.

I now perfectly understand why normies look away from the crushing truths of life so desperately and eagerly attach themselves to illusions. Shit's tough and with the years it really drags you down.

 

[Mr. Ponzi]

I now perfectly understand why normies look away from the crushing truths of life so desperately and eagerly attach themselves to illusions. Shit's tough and with the years it really drags you down.

I've been thinking about this recently as well. That maybe their reason for rejecting the truth so much is actually a form of self preservation. They give advice to us and act optimistic preciselly because they need to believe that life is fair, that with effort man can overcome misfortune.

 

[Konon]

If I told my old self in 2018 I'll be balding with heart disease and a serious drinking problem and with no friends my old self would rope.

 

[incels.REEEE]

I wanted to tag this "SuicideFuel" but I'm too pussy to commit suicide, I don't deserve to use the "SuicideFuel" tag.
Anyway I just found out that someone I went to college with now has a brilliant career. We both sort of started on the same path, very ambitious and promising. But while people kept their pace, I became a loser. I quit jobs, I spent money, I ignored reality.
I don't even know why I think about this, especially after arriving at philosophical conclusions that favor withdrawal from society, inaction and asceticism. Between being a rich delusional natalist and being a loser, I gladly choose being a loser. There's an intellectual pride in figuring out the truth, even if it means reaching rock bottom. But I don't know, I could have not fucked up so much in live. Wtf. I was too reckless, to divorced from reality. I had this gene deep certainty that things will work out for me eventually and they didn't. I also counted on suicide as a plan B in case shit hits the fan, which was another illusion, as I don't have the guts.
Looking at my life at different points, everything seem unreal. Different versions of myself from different years would seem completely different people with nothing in common. Why am I so versatile?
God everything is so messed up.

I know what you mean brah. I fucked up in "live" also, Xbox Live.

 

[bakadesu]

life is a scam. i will never peak without a gf