SuicideFuel If god won’t kill me then I will

[HikiCreep]

I supposed to go to a family gathering today but I declined To stay home because I’m a embarrassment and I keep fucking everything up. Nobody talks to me anymore the small friend group I had in 5th grade were I was basically just the fucking lolcow has long been dead nobody gives a shit about me tbh holy FUCK I really want to do it right now I mean it’s not like anyone would even care at this point I’ve ruined my life well I mean did I even have a start to begin with probably not I don’t know why god or the universe or some cosmic fate won’t just FUCKING KILL ME god please !! I can’t take this shit anymore! My life is a living hell I need out I can’t stop crying I am A fucking loser a creepy disgusting disappointment of a man loser!

 

[Transcended Trucel]

over, if your younger than 25, maybe can at least recover to be a good wagies.

 

[FrothySolutions]

You've got mental problems. Your anxiety over being a supposed "embarrassment" is crippling you.

 

[HikiCreep]

I

You've got mental problems. Your anxiety over being a supposed "embarrassment" is crippling you.

I am incredibly mentally ill like actually I have schizoaffective bipolar type and OCD, but yea your right tho I probably shouldn’t care so much about it but idk

over, if your younger than 25, maybe can at least recover to be a good wagies.

Lol I just turned 18. I’m going to try and go to college and shit but I doubt that will make a change lmao

 

[Honeypot]

I supposed to go to a family gathering today but I declined To stay home because I’m a embarrassment and I keep fucking everything up. Nobody talks to me anymore the small friend group I had in 5th grade were I was basically just the fucking lolcow has long been dead nobody gives a shit about me tbh holy FUCK I really want to do it right now I mean it’s not like anyone would even care at this point I’ve ruined my life well I mean did I even have a start to begin with probably not I don’t know why god or the universe or some cosmic fate won’t just FUCKING KILL ME god please !! I can’t take this shit anymore! My life is a living hell I need out I can’t stop crying I am A fucking loser a creepy disgusting disappointment of a man loser!

Go talk to a family member about it > obviously they will blame you for it because that's how people work > get angry at them for being ignorant cunts > suicide thoughts get burried by anger.

 

[Vermilioncore]

Same. I sometimes wish I could go to sleep and never wake up .

 

[FrothySolutions]

I am incredibly mentally ill like actually I have schizoaffective bipolar type and OCD, but yea your right tho I probably shouldn’t care so much about it but idk

Does your family know you feel this way? Are you talking to them about it?

 

[HikiCreep]

Does your family know you feel this way? Are you talking to them about it?

My mom knows nobody Else really knows the extent of it but know that I am depressed

 

[Emba]

See you tomorrow

 

[HikiCreep]

See you tomorrow

Fr I am a huge pussy jfl

 

[highinhibition]

I also stay home when they invite me there

if i go i only sit by myself and walk around while others have fun

 

[FrothySolutions]

My mom knows nobody Else really knows the extent of it but know that I am depressed

When you feel this anxiety, do you feel any urge to tell someone?

 

[HikiCreep]

When you feel this anxiety, do you feel any urge to tell someone?

Yes a lot

I also stay home when they invite me there

if i go i only sit by myself and walk around while others have fun

Same here

 

[FrothySolutions]

Yes a lot

Is your mother not available?

 

[HikiCreep]

Is your mother not available?

Like currently not available to talk too?

 

[FrothySolutions]

Like currently not available to talk too?

I mean ever. Whenever you feel like this.

 

[HikiCreep]

I mean ever. Whenever you feel like this.

Sometimes, it depends she’s not always around and sometimes she’s just sick of me feeling like this

 

[FrothySolutions]

Sometimes, it depends she’s not always around and sometimes she’s just sick of me feeling like this

It sounds like she wants you to feel better as much as you want you to feel better. But you say you've been diagnosed? What is the name of the condition that gives you this anxiety?

 

[HikiCreep]

It sounds like she wants you to feel better as much as you want you to feel better. But you say you've been diagnosed? What is the name of the condition that gives you this anxiety?

I think I get the most anxiety from my OCD and my paranoia from schizoaffective

 

[FrothySolutions]

I think I get the most anxiety from my OCD and my paranoia from schizoaffective

Can you explain the difference between the two?

 

[HikiCreep]

Can you explain the difference between the two?

Schizoaffective paranoia: I think people can read my mind and that there all talking about me and that I’m being hunted down by the FBI and CIA and that I’m constantly monitored by security camera wherever I am

OCD: when I’m around people I feel like it doesn’t matter what I do I can literally take a sip of a drink and I’ll think that because I drank the drink in a certain way they’ll die or that I will die and then I usually count to the number 5 three times in my head so they don’t get hurt or I don’t get hurt

 

[FrothySolutions]

Schizoaffective paranoia: I think people can read my mind and that there all talking about me and that I’m being hunted down by the FBI and CIA and that I’m constantly monitored by security camera wherever I am

OCD: when I’m around people I feel like it doesn’t matter what I do I can literally take a sip of a drink and I’ll think that because I drank the drink in a certain way they’ll die or that I will die and then I usually count to the number 5 three times in my head so they don’t get hurt or I don’t get hurt

Which of these makes you think you're a failure?

 

[HikiCreep]

Which of these makes you think you're a failure?

OCD

 

[Rhaast]

Op larps, a lot.

 

[Deleted member 36910]

Op larps, a lot.

 

[HikiCreep]

Op larps, a lot.

 

[FrothySolutions]

OCD

So your anxiety that people hate you and that you're a failure stems from your belief that you're somehow hurting them/yourself by now doing things in a certain way? Thanks to your OCD?

 

[HikiCreep]

So your anxiety that people hate you and that you're a failure stems from your belief that you're somehow hurting them/yourself by now doing things in a certain way? Thanks to your OCD?

Yea pretty much I feel like if I hurt them they’ll hate me forever or that if I don’t do something a certain way I look creepy or suspicious btw so basically that along with my father calling me creepy and other things so it’s mostly just
-anxiety that I’ll hurt others and therefore that makes hate me
-my dad
-that if I don’t do things a certain people look at me as creepy or suspicious

mostly that along with paranoia

 

[Deleted member 39864]

See you tomorrow

 

[FrothySolutions]

Yea pretty much I feel like if I hurt them they’ll hate me forever or that if I don’t do something a certain way I look creepy or suspicious btw so basically that along with my father calling me creepy and other things so it’s mostly just
-anxiety that I’ll hurt others and therefore that makes hate me
-my dad
-that if I don’t do things a certain people look at me as creepy or suspicious

mostly that along with paranoia

Did you tell your mom that the root of your "People hate me" feelings come from OCD specifically? And the feeling that doing things a certain way is the only way to keep everyone safe and keep you proper?

 

[Deleted member 40379]

when your mom knows you want to kill yourself but she doesn't give a shit

 

[HikiCreep]

Did you tell your mom that the root of your "People hate me" feelings come from OCD specifically? And the feeling that doing things a certain way is the only way to keep everyone safe and keep you proper?

No I have not told her I’ve thought about it but I think she would think I’m weird

 

[FrothySolutions]

No I have not told her I’ve thought about it but I think she would think I’m weird

I think your mom loves you, and is desperate for answers about how to help you. So if you have any insights like "Hey Mom, I've been thinking about my anxiety and self loathing, I think it stems from my OCD?" I think she would be inspired to hear that.

 

[HikiCreep]

I think your mom loves you, and is desperate for answers about how to help you. So if you have any insights like "Hey Mom, I've been thinking about my anxiety and self loathing, I think it stems from my OCD?" I think she would be inspired to hear that.

Thank you bro!, I’ll definitely try and talk to her in the upcoming days about it thank you dude

 

[Deleted member 40379]

Thank you bro!, I’ll definitely try and talk to her in the upcoming days about it thank you dude

Good luck fellow brocel