There’s no way I can imagine feeling confident in myself to the point I could present myself naked in front of a woman (which is impossible btw) but let’s say hypothetically if I was ever in that situation, I would be too inept, socially. Too avoidant from my years of trauma, that has rendered me neurotic and useless and afraid of these devils. Soon enough, she would get bored, as all women do when you dont constantly jester for them, and despite if she was reassuring at first, she would feel that I am incapable of pleasing her and she would leave for someone else, I don’t have the capacity to ever maintain such things for that long, nor do I have the interest to, how could I ever have a relationship when I am fundamentally different, and how ruthless women are to such differences, they are NOT patient. Their emotions tell them to go, and they are gone. I feel so small all the time and it’s tormenting me I wish I didn’t feel so humiliated by this world and society. I would’ve never been aware of this but people harassed and bullied me and destroyed my self esteem, and that’s never coming back. Do you understand, dear reader what that is like? I wasn’t aware the world was so hostile until they revealed it to me, I was a sheltered boy who was just too short and didn’t have good enough bond, and I’m paying the price of that. Daily. I NEVER considered myself ugly or short until everyone informed me of my role as lesser. It’s people who are the problem, they installed this into my head. That’s the issue, it isn’t insecurity when it would be reality. If we’re ever to get a gf, men would fight me tooth and claw to steal her and there’s nothing I could do because of my subhuman genes, my neurodivergence, my lack of social understanding, I wouldn’t even know what to do, of course naturally, if I were to mask and get a gf she would find out and be repulsed by my lack of social awareness. My God, how it torments me so. I’m bottom of the social hierarchy, that’s why I’m here! I could never have a gf and it’s better that I don’t! Because the amount of humiliation I would go through, I am spared of! I’m fundamentally fucked essentially. I know certain users here even get off to their misery, which I cry at the idea of, I’ve been abused so long, now I have to feel sexual gratification just to cope with the shame OTHERS instilled into me? It’s not fair, it’s not fair I feel like such a child, a sensitive child, it’s fucking pathetic. I’m still that same twisted kid but in a larger body now, literally nothing has changed, I’ve gotten more and more depressed over the years, I was already suicidal at 12. 9 years later nothing has changed, not even hardy my face, so little growth has happened. I believe I was 100lbs all thoroughout my childhood and into my teens, my frame hasn’t changed since then at all. I fucking hate this world, I’m better off alone, with my books and my poetry where none can crawl inside and hurt me. They all want to hurt me, or avoid me, everyone, there’s no exceptions. Psychologists couldn’t even treat me they called me defective and incurable. How am I to cope? How am I to cope! Perhaps I’ll tell about how I lost my job from many years ago, that is a funny albeit dark story. The fear inside me can never be quelled, because it isn’t a delusional or irrational belief, but a reality that if society fell, I would be the first to get killed, and no one would care. How do cope? How can you cope? My father was the same way, he did get married, he got divorced and lived as some mental neurotic person in solitude, I figure that’s my entire life aswell, minus ever being married to begin with. It’s all very tiresome isn’t it? Does anyone understand this feeling, I’m going mad ruminating on the lost years of my life where the joy was sucked out of me from normies who got off to my suffering and who are living it up today. Wtv
