Fancy Alcoholic
Living by the name
★★★★★
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2020
- Posts
- 12,653
I realized that I hate life far less than I fear death.
Considering the void and the total annihilation of my thinking ability, memory or just body is absolutely terrifying. The total loss of consciouness and the eternity of meaningless void compared to a life of seven or eight decades on average is absolutely intimidating and astounding on an epistemic level.
Whenever I think about it my whole body has an epidermic reaction to it all, like my flesh crawls below my skin in terror. It is the only subject, the only thing that provokes an immediate reflexe of such in me. Terror itself.
This vertigo is the only thing preventing me from killing myself beseides hating everything my life is. My life is shit, but it's the only condition of me being in the first place. After that, death's reign will put everything at sleep, including the universe itself at some point, erasing consciousness on a cosmic level in which our little egos are nothing at all.
Considering the void and the total annihilation of my thinking ability, memory or just body is absolutely terrifying. The total loss of consciouness and the eternity of meaningless void compared to a life of seven or eight decades on average is absolutely intimidating and astounding on an epistemic level.
Whenever I think about it my whole body has an epidermic reaction to it all, like my flesh crawls below my skin in terror. It is the only subject, the only thing that provokes an immediate reflexe of such in me. Terror itself.
This vertigo is the only thing preventing me from killing myself beseides hating everything my life is. My life is shit, but it's the only condition of me being in the first place. After that, death's reign will put everything at sleep, including the universe itself at some point, erasing consciousness on a cosmic level in which our little egos are nothing at all.