I’ve always subconsciously knew that I was going to alone for the rest of my life. Even from kindergarten I still vividly remember all the times I was called ugly. 42 years later, I still remember my first day of kindergarten. I sat in the back of the classroom and nobody sat next to me. They were all naturally repelled by me just because of my looks. The classrooms had tables that could seat six people but nobody bothered to sit next to me. I was the only Indian kid in the class that wasn’t white so that was likely a factor also. I remember some girl walking up to me, pointing at my face, and yelling ugly then running away. Experiences like this fuck with your brain. You might not notice it at first, but as you reach your teenage years and start to think critically of your life, moments like this resurface. Moments that you haven’t thought about for over a decade. This is how depression starts, the seeds are planted when you’re young.
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