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I really hate knowing that I'm fucked because I was born with shit-tier genetics. I tried to bluepill myself over the late summer and fall by avoiding any kind of blackpill knowledge and following bullshit self-improvement advice to see if just maybe I could break out of it. Deep down I knew it was impossible but I just wanted the loneliness to stop, I just wanted to feel like what I thought everyone should be able to feel like. Ultimately my effort to ascend was a huge failure and left me feeling more like shit than ever before.
I tried approaching women a lot in October which was a pretty major torpedo to my self-confidence. I tried this 8 times and after the last one I really just couldnt bring myself to try it again. The thing that hit me the most wasn't the onew who coldly rejected me, instead it was the one who didnt even verbally reply. Three of them actually humored me by saying something back (never anything positive, just that they didnt want to talk), but the others just gave me a scowl or a disgusted look. I then tried my luck with just being more sociable since a lot of people (my mom and sister) told me that maybe I just needed more people to talk to in general instead of a relationship.
One of the things I thought would help was participating in class discussions by answering questions and talking when we were given a topic to discuss. It got me laughed at more than a few times though, and once when I raised my hand to answer a question a chad literally just spoke up and said that anything I had to say would be pointless. That was the end of that.
"But why didn't you just go to parties like a normal person bro? Wouldn't you have more luck there bro?" because no one ever invited me to one and I lack the contacts to know about any parties as well. Even if I did go to one I would only be able to stay for 2-3 hours before I'd need to head to the bathroom for 30 minutes. Trying to be more sociable was a fucking stupid move and now I'm dealing with way more negative emotions than I was before.
My apologies for how sloppy this post is, I just feel like total shit at the moment.
I tried approaching women a lot in October which was a pretty major torpedo to my self-confidence. I tried this 8 times and after the last one I really just couldnt bring myself to try it again. The thing that hit me the most wasn't the onew who coldly rejected me, instead it was the one who didnt even verbally reply. Three of them actually humored me by saying something back (never anything positive, just that they didnt want to talk), but the others just gave me a scowl or a disgusted look. I then tried my luck with just being more sociable since a lot of people (my mom and sister) told me that maybe I just needed more people to talk to in general instead of a relationship.
One of the things I thought would help was participating in class discussions by answering questions and talking when we were given a topic to discuss. It got me laughed at more than a few times though, and once when I raised my hand to answer a question a chad literally just spoke up and said that anything I had to say would be pointless. That was the end of that.
"But why didn't you just go to parties like a normal person bro? Wouldn't you have more luck there bro?" because no one ever invited me to one and I lack the contacts to know about any parties as well. Even if I did go to one I would only be able to stay for 2-3 hours before I'd need to head to the bathroom for 30 minutes. Trying to be more sociable was a fucking stupid move and now I'm dealing with way more negative emotions than I was before.
My apologies for how sloppy this post is, I just feel like total shit at the moment.
