I was the type of person who didn't fought back then. The anger has built up so much over the years that I'm now having revenge fantasies 24/7. It has worsened to the point that it has gotten so intense that I broke a chair with my lock in a sock:
I did this all while acting like an ape, yelling, and hitting the chair repeatedly. In fact, this is the 20th time I did this, except this time I broke a chair (I usually break boxes).
I only throw fits when I'm sleep deprived, and ever since I've started become more paranoid and schizo, I began having trouble sleeping every night, which means I will stay up till the morning, and then throw fits and act like an ape because I'm sleep deprived JFL.
No normal person would go through this. Because they will be smart enough to make decisions from the start that would cause them a stress free life. As a mentally slow person, unlike them, I was too dumb to realize that I should fight back at my bullies at a young age, and now nature is punishing me by giving me depression.
JFL, I couldn't even go to my psychiatrist anymore and buy meds because my auntie limited her financially support to me after finding out that I stopped going to school. Now if she founds out that I broke the chair in her house, I'm dead and will probably get kicked out and live on the streets.
This is the prescription of my meds as a schizo:
But despite all of this, I still won't rope. I still have the hope that one day I will be able to get back at my bullies and I'm still waiting for that perfect moment. I will never ever die because of those abused dog faggots (they're bullied themselves and had a childish persona at school and they took their frustrations out on me). But at the same time, I think that I'm not made for revengemaxxing. There's a thought in the back of my mind telling me that it will never happen because they're too socially strong, rich and too far away from me. I kept fluctuating between the two beliefs and it's confusing me enough to not rope and keep on living despite the struggle getting worse.
JFL I'm stuck in a negative loop.
Also, my face got deformed after punching it a couple of times from fit of rages and after having a drug induced stroke from benadryl and risperidone interaction:
I did this all while acting like an ape, yelling, and hitting the chair repeatedly. In fact, this is the 20th time I did this, except this time I broke a chair (I usually break boxes).
I only throw fits when I'm sleep deprived, and ever since I've started become more paranoid and schizo, I began having trouble sleeping every night, which means I will stay up till the morning, and then throw fits and act like an ape because I'm sleep deprived JFL.
No normal person would go through this. Because they will be smart enough to make decisions from the start that would cause them a stress free life. As a mentally slow person, unlike them, I was too dumb to realize that I should fight back at my bullies at a young age, and now nature is punishing me by giving me depression.
JFL, I couldn't even go to my psychiatrist anymore and buy meds because my auntie limited her financially support to me after finding out that I stopped going to school. Now if she founds out that I broke the chair in her house, I'm dead and will probably get kicked out and live on the streets.
This is the prescription of my meds as a schizo:
But despite all of this, I still won't rope. I still have the hope that one day I will be able to get back at my bullies and I'm still waiting for that perfect moment. I will never ever die because of those abused dog faggots (they're bullied themselves and had a childish persona at school and they took their frustrations out on me). But at the same time, I think that I'm not made for revengemaxxing. There's a thought in the back of my mind telling me that it will never happen because they're too socially strong, rich and too far away from me. I kept fluctuating between the two beliefs and it's confusing me enough to not rope and keep on living despite the struggle getting worse.
JFL I'm stuck in a negative loop.
Also, my face got deformed after punching it a couple of times from fit of rages and after having a drug induced stroke from benadryl and risperidone interaction:
