Subconsciously my mother understands that I am probably gonna die alone, and so to compensate she spoils me and treats me like a child.
She is overly loving because she knows I am ugly and unlovable, in part I'm sure she doesn't want to accept it, but it is the truth.
I took a picture of myself recently and I understand why I've had it so hard in life. I look like a literal deformity. Maybe I was the result of fetal alcohol syndrome or something, but I genuinely look like a 1 out of 10.
It hurts me so bad to know that this god doesn't love me, and it hurts me even more to know that the only reason I am loved by my mom is because I am unlovable.
